Don’t Let Other People’s Values Determine Your Sex Life

I won’t be shamed for being a sexually active, sexually free woman and you shouldn’t be either.

Sex With T.S.
Nov 25 · 3 min read

I’ve never subscribed to the notion that pussy is the most sacred gift I can give a man. I reserve that for my heart and my mind. — Joan Morgan

That quote is how I live my life.

I sleep with a man for no other reason than I want to.

It’s not any more complicated than that.

I’m not fretting over whether it is a good time to sleep with a man.

I’m not worrying about whether he will call me the next day.

My sexual activity is solely based on what I want, and when and how I want it.

Too often, women subscribe to sexual mores created by everyone else but by the one person who really matters: themselves.

Here’s the deal: No one knows what’s best for you and your sex life then you do. If you feel like you should wait until marriage, great. If all you want to do is jump his bones and figure out the rest later, great. If you want to apply a 30–60 or 90-day rule to the men you meet, that’s fabulous too. The point is no one, and I mean is in a position to tell you how to live your sex life.

From the time we’re little girls us ladies get the message that our lady parts are a gift to bestow upon some deserving man.

The problem with this message is that it sets up a market economy for pussy. Instead of sex being about your pleasure and the pleasure you can give to another individual, it becomes transactional, something to be exchanged for goods, services, love, or respect.

Never in any of the conversations many young girls get about sex are their pleasure, needs, and desire ever discussed. It’s only ever about what they shouldn’t do and what they shouldn’t allow someone to do to them.

And God help us if we choose badly.

With the message being our pussies are precious and the sum of our worth, women start bargaining with their lady parts.

If he does x, y, and z, then I will give some.

Oh, he seems like a really nice guy, let me give him some.

Oh, he’s given me this gold ring, he’s worthy of getting some now.

Not only that but this message of pussy as “the greatest gift” sets up a woman to be judged by how often she’s given it away.

The dreaded, “How many people have you slept?” with question can send an otherwise confident, intelligent woman into waves of shame for fear her‘numbers may be too high.

Other women wave their numbers around like a badge of honor to show how worthy they are for dating, love, and marriage. All of this sets women up for a lifetime of shame, regret, and loss as there is really no winning this game.

Even virgins who are so lauded for their restraint can find themselves on the downside of the pussy-o-meter if it’s determined they may not be as pure as they seem.

Sorry for those who believe otherwise, but my worth is not attached to my vagina. Sex is not the greatest gift I can give a man.

My heart, my mind, hell — my time — are worth a lot more than what’s between my legs.

I am a sexual being.

When the mood strikes, I answer.

My desire is mine own, no one else’s. If I sleep with a man and he doesn’t call, that’s cool, his loss. If a man has been great to me, but I’m not feeling him like that then — sorry — no sex for him.

If a man wants to take issue with how many sexual partners I’ve had he can keep it stepping; I’m making no apologies or repenting to anyone.

It’s time for women to take charge of their sex lives. Stop letting other people define who you are and how you should express yourself sexually.

Make the decisions that are best for you, your needs and your desires. Only then will you have the fulfilling and satisfying sex life you so richly deserve.

Sex With TS

Your guide to great sex.

Sex With T.S.

Written by

Your Guide to Great Sex

Sex With TS

Your guide to great sex.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade