10 Sex Protocols For Single People After Lockdown
The things you should already know but may have forgotten after a 3-month dry spell
This is an advice piece for men but this article may end up as a useful guide for many women following a 3-month physical distancing hiatus. The 10 protocols that I’ll cover are based on my personal experience, conversations with women in my life and self-study on topics of sexual attraction, dating and pick up artistry.
Humans either want more sex, better sex or a combination of the two. Get back into the swing of things with this guide and you’ll be catching up on three long months of enforced abstinence in no time.
1. Get Your Glutes Firing Again
Your glutes (muscles in your bottom) are possibly the biggest and most used muscles during sexual intercourse. I’ve given this advice to many guys who didn’t seem to know this. Think back to a time when you’ve wondered why your bum was a bit achy the day after having sex (especially with your partner on top). It’s because your glutes were working overtime. Your glutes are also what controls your hips and lower back so for you adventurous types, start working on your glute strength or you might find yourself being out of action with a sex-related injury. Don’t believe me? Well, sex counsellor, Eric Garrison says;
If you enjoy having sex that involves thrusting your hips for 20 minutes or 30 minutes, you need the glute strength and stamina that will support that. If you enjoy having sex standing up, glute and leg strength can help hold you up for as long as your sex lasts.
Now you know one reason why heavy deadlifts are my favourite exercise.
2. Stick to the Basics
I shouldn’t have to tell you this but real sex isn’t porn. You may have had to substitute the real thing for a while, but porn is made for your viewing pleasure, not the performers’ sexual pleasure. The basics don’t have to be boring, sex can still be pleasurable and intense, even if you stick to a small number of positions. Focus on having good enjoyable sex, not attempting to recreate something that belongs in Cirque du Soleil.
3. Take Your Time
You gotta preheat the oven before you stick in the turkey — American Pie (2001)
I learnt that lesson at the age of 13 when I was still a virgin so you have no excuses. I’ll assume that your sex life isn’t as tragic as poor Jim Levenstein, but the lesson still rings true almost 20 years later. If you want better sex then I’m sure your partner does too. Even if it’s a one night stand if you’re anything like me you like to make an impression. Take your time, imagine playing football, you don’t just strip off and start playing, you need to warm up first.
4. Massages Are A Foreplay Secret Weapon
I may have ruined myself here but it doesn’t matter, I’m putting this out here for the brotherhood of man. I’m a trained sports massage therapist and whilst I’ve used my powers for good, I’ve also used them for seduction. Learning the art of massage is a useful skill, not only for seduction but for helping your partner to relax. It brings sensuality and intimacy to your sexual energy exchange. This is undeniably an awesome weapon in your armoury of foreplay. A good massage is never rushed, you must take your time with each muscle, work out tightness and kinks in knotted muscles, but also caress muscles near erogenous zones such as the abdomen.
Before you begin, the best advice that you’ll see in most places is to set the scene/ mood and have the correct oil at hand. Baby oil is fine for everyday use but if you want to do this properly, come prepared. Candles, music, dimmed lights, the right oil and that Barry White bass in your voice (ok, that’s not necessary) and it’s all systems go for a great time.
5. Don’t Be Too Proud
Whatever you’re sexual limitations are that is completely up to you and your level of comfort. Some people don’t like to kiss during sex. As weird as that may be to me or you, it’s completely reasonable to somebody else. Don’t be too proud or get hung up on what your partner isn’t willing to do. Don’t be too proud to help your partner to fulfil their fantasies during sex either. If they aren’t comfortable or confident to fulfil yours then it doesn’t have to become a quid pro quo. Be happy to explore what makes them tick and if you’re a compassionate soul, you’ll get pleasure seeing your partner happy and smiling.
6. Communication Is Key
Exploring your partners’ fantasies is one thing and not being proud if they don’t want to explore yours is commendable, but you also don’t want to be taken for granted. Communication starts before you even get close to having sex. When you’re in the moment, communication is important to ensure that you’re both on happy and on the same page.
Sexting isn’t pre-sex communication, not really. It’s fun and easy because you’re building up the anticipation and excitement leading to sex but have you discussed any of the other topics around sex? The awkward stuff like contraception, sexual health and sexual history? I’m not one to ask a girls’ “body count” but I have no qualms sharing mine, if that makes her comfortable or uneasy then that’s not my concern, I answered the question honestly.
A grown-up conversation about sex can be awkward, imagine how many avoided conversations lead to substandard sex, STI’s, or unexpected pregnancy. Communication is about respect as much as it’s about discovering what pleasure you both want. There was once a time when a girl I was seeing and I broke up. She started a new relationship but broke it off because she wanted to try again. She came back with some new moves, I told her that I wasn’t ok with biting so it stopped.
Learning to speak may not come easy, it may take a few attempts but communication is more about listening and paying attention rather than talking. Try speaking last and listening first without interruption.
7. Atmosphere and Environment
I don’t know about you but sex in a car isn’t comfortable at all. It might look fun and glamourous in porn but it’s exactly practical. Consider what your favourite spaces and environments are and what works for you both. Conventional sex in the bed is as far as some people will go. Some like the sofa, the floor or the shower (be careful in there, it’s a fun but slippery business). The right atmosphere and environment could simply be about the moment, the energy, the spark between you. Maybe get creative and do something wild (flashbacks of sex on a balcony).
Do you make eye contact when you have sex? Closing eyes and thrusting your hips is cool too but eye contact is intense. I’ve had friends say that depending on the position, they enjoy watching their partner’s body move, bounce and react to what they’re doing.
Making eye contact during sex is deep, it’s uncomfortable for many people and with a new partner, it may seem awkward or too intimate. If you’re not having sex for the sake of it then eye contact in low light creates a hot and intense atmosphere conducive to great sex.
8. Feel the Rythm, Feel the Vibe
This goes hand in hand with the atmosphere. Pay attention to what works for her. I can’t tell you the number of times, I’ve spoken to women who have had substandard sex because a guy just hammered away at her pelvis until he was spent. Relax, pay attention and learn. It’s highly unlikely that your partner will orgasm and turn over before you get there so relax, take it slow and see what works for her. How does she move her hips? How fast, slow or deep are you going that makes her moan louder or longer or swear?
If she’s on top and taking control, let her! You will have your turn to thrust and change the tempo. You need to allow her the time and space to find what she can do with your body to help her find pleasure. If you have the skills to make her reach orgasm then enjoy it, she’ll soon be ready to return the favour and you’ll both be satisfied. When it comes to the rhythm and vibe, your partner is the one that sets the pace, follow her lead.
9. The Dirty Talk Trap
This is kryptonite for me personally. I’m not much of a talker during sex and I don’t make a lot of noise. It sounds forced and corny like a bad porno. For the women I’ve slept with, it’s been a normal thing but not overused.
If you’ve been going for a while and she’s reached her orgasm, dirty talk comes in the build-up of your partner bringing you to orgasm too. Phrases like “pound me”, “give it to me” or something along those lines is the go-ahead to bring it home.
Most women don’t want a jackhammer at the very beginning, it’s uncomfortable and in no way pleasurable. Once you’ve built up the pleasure, she’ll be more than ready for you to move harder, faster and deeper.
If she does want you to finish then ask her. I listened to the book “ The Way of the Superior Man” recently and it suggested that, though a woman may say she wants you to finish, she’ll be disappointed and lose trust in you if you listen to her. That sounds stupid to me. Nowadays we have things to do so need to get some sleep, or need to take a break before round two gets underway.
Don’t take my word for it though. Communication is important during sex as well as before, so be clear with your partner as much as possible. How you finish is important, meaning having an understanding and agreement as to what you do. If you’re wearing a condom (sensible and responsible with a new partner) then knowing where to discard it is a simple question. If you’re not wearing a condom then having that plan is communication.
This conversation may have begun before you have sex but it is always a good idea to check-in. You wouldn’t want to ejaculate somewhere that wasn’t agreed and ruins the great sex you’ve just had because you’ve violated your agreement and her trust.
10. Go to the Toilet
Such a simple thing but so constantly overlooked. Some people cuddle and talk after sex but remember to go to the toilet. I like to wash my face to cool down after sex so going to the toilet is standard. Forgetting to go to the toilet puts you at risk of contracting a urinary tract infection (UTI).
It is more important for women to go to the toilet after sex because men have a longer urethra, so genital bacteria is less likely to reach the bladder but do you want to take that chance? How would you feel knowing that bacteria is floating around inside your penis? That’s not for me but what you do is your choice.
There’ll be plenty of time for kissing, cuddling and falling asleep in each other’s arms. You may even kick start round two. Now how would you feel knowing what you’re about to do with genital bacteria floating around?
Enjoy Good Sex
I’m not a sex guru or sexologist. As much as sexuality, dating and attraction interest me, it’s only a small part of what I write about. For you to enjoy good sex consistently, communication is going to be the most important of these protocols. Open and honest communication ensures that all parties are satisfied and on the same page.
I encourage you to practice safe sex and have a respect for your partners’ boundaries and always make sure you have consent before engaging in sexual activity.
