5 Embarrassing Things That Happen During Sex
Sex can be weird.
Let’s be honest about this, okay? Think about some of the most cringe-worthy moments you’ve had during sex. For example, when I lost my virginity, my boyfriend had told me he was bigger than most.
He was not wrong. It hurt like hell.
We can have awkward sex moments with a brand new partner or with someone we’ve been with for years. I used to think these moments would kill the mood — or worse — the potential future of a relationship.
But, the good news is awkward moments are all about the way you react to them. Here’s how to handle these embarrassing moments.
Bodily functions happen and are totally normal
Is it just me or is this just the worst? For those of us with vaginas, queefing happens and it feels like we have absolutely no control over it.
“Oh God, I’m sorry,” I have said almost every time this happens.
Every guy I have been with has been cool about this. They usually don’t even answer. Or maybe they’ll say, “It’s okay.” Then they get back to work.
We’re harder on ourselves about this than our partner is. Even if it’s a new partner, they are not going to throw their hands up and leave because you have human bodily functions. (And if they do, that’s super rude and you are better off.)
Here’s how to handle it: Don’t sweat the farts. It’s totally normal.
Sometimes, you have to take a tampon out
Recently, my boyfriend and I had sex in the middle of the night and I totally forgot I had a tampon in. (This could have been really bad — like hospital bad — but we were good.)
“Oh, shit,” I said. “I have a tampon in.”
I found the string, pulled it out and we were good to go.
Period sex is a thing. It’s no big deal. You don’t need to stress about this, even if you are with a new partner. Chances are, this is not their first time with period sex.
On a practical note, you can get really good at taking a tampon on quickly. Sometimes, I whip it out so quickly that my boyfriend will be like, “Wait, aren’t you on your period?” It feels like a superpower. Kind of the way pulling a bra out from your sleeve feels.
Here’s how to handle it: Don’t avoid period sex. It’s actually pretty awesome.
One of you wants to try something new and the other doesn’t
This can be super awkward with a new partner. Like, “Hey, I just met you, and I’m up for a good time, but I don’t really want to f*ck in front of your roommate.” Or whatever ballsy thing someone may try.
This is weird in a couple, too. In a couple, you kind of get in a sex rhythm. You have tons of adventurous sex at the start of the relationship, then you figure out what works for you, and you have a routine. Every now and then, you mix it up.
Here are some really important things to remember:
- Speak up if you don’t want to do something. And make it a safe space for your partner to do the same.
- Don’t freak out if your partner doesn’t want to try your new idea. It’s a strike to your ego, but it isn’t a rejection.
- Have an offline conversation about things you want to try. Wear something sexy, turn the lights low, and compare fantasies.
Everybody gets what they want!
He sticks it in the wrong hole
Sometimes, things get a little confusing down there. Everything’s slippery. It’s dark. Occasionally, people are drunk. And things can put in the wrong hole.
If you are not into it, then you need to speak up
When this happened to me, I moved and said, “Hey, wrong way!”
He apologized, we course-corrected, and then we were ready to go.
Here’s how to handle it: Switch positions and solve the problem.
Somebody is dry or somebody can’t get it up
Our bodies aren’t always on our side. Our minds get tied up in work stress or we have periods or there’s tension, and our bodies react. Someone can’t get wet. Someone can’t get it up.
Try some lube or try some seduction techniques or call it a night
You can get creative when your body acts up. When we have sex in the middle of the night, I’m pretty dry. (Fixes for this? Oral sex or lube.) And if he can’t get it up — hasn’t happened in my current relationship, but has before — try to get out your routine. Again, oral sex helps.
Here’s how to handle this: If all else fails, call it a night. All that build-up will make tomorrow night even hotter.
Sex can be weird and messy.
You’re not always going to have that magical movie sex life. Sometimes, your orgasm comes with a side of queef and period blood. (Gross, yes.) But you can still have an awesome sexual experience.
And now, you have a good story to tell.