6 Kinks I Didn’t Think I’d Like

You never know until you try.

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It’s kind of wild how many things there actually are to try when it comes to sex. There are so many different kinks to explore — and most of us probably haven’t even scratched the surface yet.

It’s only over the past few years that I’ve really begun to branch out sexually. I spent several years getting comfortable with my own sexual journey and building a foundation, and it’s been fun to finally go beyond that and see what else is out there.

I talk a lot about sex, but there are still plenty of things I haven’t actually tried yet. There are a lot of fun things I have tried though, and a few things that I wasn’t sure I would love at first. After giving them a shot though, I discovered just how fun they can actually be.

Obviously, it’s important to respect your own boundaries and know your limits. If there’s something your partner really wants to try and you know in your gut that it just isn’t for you, definitely express that. Sometimes though, there are some kinks that might scare or mystify us a little, kinks we don’t think we could possibly like, that are actually worth giving a try. You never know what incredible new fetish you might unleash from inside you.

I had a few “that seems scary or weird and will I actually like that” kinks, but once I tried them, I discovered that my initial stance on them was much different than my stance in reality.

Collar and leash

When I first discovered that collars and leashes were a sex thing, I had pretty much zero interest in exploring it. I guess I just didn’t really understand the appeal. Collars and leashes are for pets, not for people — right?

I think I was imagining my partner or I leading each other around on a leash, and while there are plenty of people that are into that, I wasn’t sure if I was. That seemed to be the only use for a collar and leash, but of course, I was wrong.

A collar and leash can be used as a means of control — and as soon as I framed it like that, I was immediately intrigued.

Out of the blue one of my partners surprised me and brought over a collar and leash for us to try out. I definitely consider myself submissive, and my partner is not, so when I put on the collar and he grabbed the leash and took control as we fooled around, it was so incredibly hot for both of us. It played into exactly what both of us are turned on by, and I’m so glad I put aside my hesitation and gave it a try.

Enjoyment rating: 7/10.

Would I do it again? I’m definitely excited to throw it into the mix here and there.

Calling someone daddy

I was on a date with someone I could already tell I was really into when he revealed that one of his favorite fetishes was being called daddy during sex. Objectively, I knew it was a pretty common thing, but I was also worried that I may feel weird saying it and would end up accidentally making things awkward. I really liked him though, and I’m always open to trying new things, even if they feel a little scary at first.

My hesitation was really only because I’d never tried it before, but I really wanted to.

The first time we hooked up, I decided I was definitely going to try it. I stopped thinking about it and just did it — and was immediately surprised and delighted with just how much I liked it.

Not only did I enjoy the power dynamic, but I also really, really loved how much calling my partner daddy turned him on. If my partner is super turned on, I get arguably even more turned on, and so I kept calling him daddy and never looked back.

Sometimes, roleplay or pet names can feel scary or awkward because you’ve never tried it before, but if you don’t think about it and just go for it, you may end up being surprised at just how easy it can be.

Enjoyment rating: 9/10.

Would I do it again? As long as my partner is into it, then all the damn time.

Being watched

“Caitlin, we’re going to have sex. And you, you’re going to watch.”

It was a partner’s birthday, and he’d woken up still a tad drunk from the night before. A bunch of us had slept over and passed out in different places around the apartment. We were all hanging out on the floor in the hallway when my partner decided he was horny and was in the mood to be an exhibitionist.

I’d never been watched by someone I wasn’t also sleeping with before. His friend followed us into his bedroom and took a seat in the armchair facing the bed. He was one of my partner’s best friends and had been wanting to branch out a little more sexually, so watching other people have sex was definitely something he was open to trying. I knew him and was plenty comfortable with him, so within minutes I was naked and on top of my partner.

I hadn’t really thought much about the fact that I was about to be watched. I just treated it like any other time having sex — but immediately, it felt different.

I absolutely loved feeling like I was putting on a show. I loved that someone else was getting to see how comfortable I was with my sexuality, and maybe it would help him to become a little more comfortable with his own. I loved that I was getting to showcase how much I loved pleasing my partner. I loved it all.

I definitely wouldn’t have ever thought I’d enjoy being watched so much because I used to have major issues with my body. The more I accepted my body though, the more I enjoyed being watched, and I definitely think it helped me along my journey of learning to love my body and myself.

Since that first time, I’ve been in many group sex situations, and the thrill of being watched has never gotten old. I’m pretty positive it never will.

Enjoyment rating: 10/10.

Would I do it again? Absolutely. Yes, please. Duh.

Using a Paddle

Spanking made its way into my sex life fairly early on. It definitely leaned towards the lighter side at first, and I experimented with it more the more experienced I got. Spanking seemed pretty standard to me until one of my partners mentioned he had a paddle.

I knew what a paddle was, but I’d definitely never tried one before. I was intrigued, but nervous. Spanking was fun and I enjoyed it, but I didn’t need it every time. I was worried that I needed to be way more into spanking than I was in order to enjoy a paddle.

We tried it out though, and I was honestly shocked at just how much I liked it.

There’s something about being spanked with a paddle that’s so much different and more tantalizing than being spanked with a hand. It’s a different material, a different sensation, and I was immediately so into it. Since experimenting with paddles, I’ve also become way more into spanking in general. Who would have thought?

Enjoyment rating: 8/10.

Would I do it again? Definitely.

Watching myself in the mirror

For a long time, I struggled with body dysmorphia, so looking at myself in the mirror wasn’t usually a pleasant experience. I didn't like the way I looked clothed or naked, and accepting my body during sex was something I actively had to work on.

Even once I’d overcome the majority of my body image issues, there was still some lingering fear. When I was first presented with the opportunity to watch myself having sex in a mirror, I felt very shy about it. I wasn’t sure if I’d know what to do or how to act. I was nervous.

All of those nerves flew away pretty quickly though.

Watching myself in the mirror gives me a similar feeling to being watched, except this time, I’m being watched by me. I get to see exactly how I look when I’m in the middle of pleasing and being pleased, and it feels like such an intimate, special thing. Watching myself almost feels like a form of self-care. I get to smile back at myself as I engage in something I truly love, feeling almost overwhelmed with joy that this is where I’m at in my life.

It may sound kind of trivial to a lot of people, but getting to watch myself have sex in the mirror has definitely been a big part of my sexual journey.

Enjoyment rating: 10/10.

Would I do it again? Every chance I get.


Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I’d ever try anything sexual involving toes. It happened though, and honestly, I didn’t hate it.

A partner and I were having sex and my feet were propped up on his shoulders. He was looking down at me so lovingly — and suddenly, out of nowhere, he put one of my toes in his mouth and sucked on it.

It wasn’t something we’d ever tried before or something we’d even talked about. In that moment though, it felt right, and I think just the act of trying it turned both of us on quite a lot.

It’s not something we ever tried again together, nor something I’ve ever tried again with anyone else. I’m not sure I really need to initiate it, but if someone I’m with has an overwhelming desire to start sucking on my toes, I’m not opposed. If they’re into it, I’m down. After all, I really love turning other people on.

Enjoyment rating: 5/10.

Would I do it again? If the moment was right.

You may not love every single thing you try, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth trying. As long as you’re being safe, communicative, and it’s all consensual, do a little exploring. You never know what you might find!


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Caitlin Jill Anders

Written by

Full-time writer with anxiety figuring it out. I like talking about sex, mental health, relationships, and everything in between. https://linktr.ee/caitlinjill


Conversations about sex from all around the world

Caitlin Jill Anders

Written by

Full-time writer with anxiety figuring it out. I like talking about sex, mental health, relationships, and everything in between. https://linktr.ee/caitlinjill


Conversations about sex from all around the world

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