Howl
A Lament for All the Crappy Porn I’ve Watched
When you just want to have a little sexy alone time, but every video turns you off…
I want to like porn. I really do. I don’t indulge in it much — maybe 5–10 times a year. And I probably wouldn’t indulge much more than that if I did like it. (I like to keep my imagination sharp.) But how wonderful it would be to have access to porn that I find genuinely sexy and fun.
What’s my beef, you ask? I don’t even know where to begin. Here are a few thoughts that spring to mind.
What’s with all the saliva?
How long has this been going on, that spit has been a regular feature in porn films? I don’t remember encountering this until about five years ago and I have to admit, I hate it. Not because I think spit is gross — I mean, if someone’s going to come in or on me, they can certainly get their saliva on me.
But first of all, I find it annoying to watch people use spit as lube. What is that? Is something wrong with my saliva, because I was never able to complete a decent hand job without actual lube. Saliva dries out in about ten seconds or less, depending on how much friction you’re employing, which leaves whatever you just lubricated dry as a…well, bone.
