An Open Letter to Warming Lube
A fractious relationship explained.
Dear warming lube (all brands included),
There was a time when life seemed simple. I looked forward to your promised sensations with joy and a delicious anticipation. A warming up of the vagina? How glorious. This would surely be as good as sex itself. Would the warming feeling increase during sex?
Would the addition of a cock be like fuel to the fire inside my vagina?
And how warm are we talking? I’m eager to know whether this is a gentle summers day temperature with a slight breeze, or a sauna effect where the heat makes it impossible to move. What if it feels like I’ve put a chilli pepper up my vagina?
In fact, perhaps this is too much of a risk. If the heat becomes unbearable, what’s the solution? Should I have yogurt on standby? Perhaps, my partner can lick me cool. But, I don’t want to put his whole mouth at risk. It’s a toss up between my burning hot vagina and his mouth.
His tongue would feel like a gorgeous relief though
A happy fire extinguisher. And surely he can just take a spoonful of yogurt if his mouth gets to the unhappy heat of my vagina? After all, the pot would be waiting conveniently for him on the side.
It would be a bonding experience too. We would be experiencing the same sensations, but in different places. Hang on though, his cock would be affected too. Uh oh. We are putting our price possessions at risk here. My red hot vagina and his sizzling cock and mouth.
Are you worth it warming lube? I notice you’re not providing the solutions here. I’ve made all the suggestions so far.
And in fact, I have another one. I’m just spit-balling here but what about semen as a handy solution to excessive heat? If things got too hot, semen could be the cooling sensation we’ve both been looking for. And it would be such an effortless addition to the mix.
The events of the warming process would probably go something like this:
- Apply warming lube
- Enjoy warming sensation
- Add cock
- Experience increase of warmth
- Warmth becomes unbearable
- Extinguish with semen
A six step plan. And do you know what, warming lube? It’s needed. Because you do not come with enough warning or instruction. How is a person new to you and your sensations supposed to know what to do?
Perhaps, you need to re-think your packaging
And stop being so allusive. It’s time to tell everyone exactly who you are.
On second thoughts, total curveball here, but I’ve decided against you. For good. I don’t even have a desire for a warm vagina. What was I thinking? I mean, it’s pretty warm in there already.
Did you do a voting poll before you were created? Some market research? Who actually feels they don’t have a warm vagina or has a particular need for one?
I’ve come to the conclusion that while you must be a vital part of some people’s lives, you are not a match for mine. I appreciate, you but we won’t be taking things any further.
I’m gonna pop you down on this shelf here with your identical-looking friends
Apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you. It’s important to go with my heart, and I can’t ignore the lack of burning desire for you.
So, here’s to a natural cooling and warming vagina. It’s time to put the yogurt away. And let my body temperatures happen without the help of any troublesome warming lube. It’s goodbye for now.
Ready to put yourself first? It’s time to free your mind and find your pleasure.