Data | Relationships
Debunking the Male Loneliness Epidemic
A surprisingly optimistic look at the contemporary dating climate
My friend Bob¹ was ninety-three years old when we were talking back in 2018, in Los Angeles. He endured war (either WWII or the Korean War), then got hooked on heroin, his life spiraling out of control, and eventually, he wound up in prison. He got clean in the late seventies in prison and has been sober ever since. He said eight words that profoundly changed the way I view relationships — “Marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
He’d been through war, addiction, and prison in the 1970s—none of it as arduous as marriage. Unlike the intensity of combat, the rollercoaster of drug addiction, and the brutality of prison, marriage is a slow burn.
Marriage isn’t merely difficult—it’s a humdrum flavor of difficult. Marriage obliges you to show up and care for someone every single day. I once heard someone say being in the military during combat is months and months of listless boredom followed by a few hours of the greatest adrenaline rush you’ll ever experience — then it’s back to the boredom.
For many, marriage is the opposite. It’s a consistent, monotonous drudgery with infrequent periods of excitement. If you’re lucky, you’ll find…
