How a Threesome Improved My Relationship

Threesomes are one of the most fun endeavors a couple can embark on. But, like anything we get into of a sexual nature, it’s important to communicate on the front end before jumping into the fun. Every couple is different, but there are some things that are fairly universal when it comes to planning a threesome.

Having a threesome isn’t necessarily indicative of a couple delving into swinging or polyamory. Obviously, at least while the threesome is ongoing, you’re not exactly monogamous, but I’ve met a number of couples who enjoy the company of another person in their bed every once in awhile, but don’t consider themselves swingers or poly at any other time.

For me and my husband, our first threesome together, which was his first ever, wasn’t supposed to be a gateway to an alternative lifestyle. At that point in our relationship, we hadn’t talked much about plans for the future regarding other people. We just knew we wanted to have a threesome with another woman and we had someone in mind. Due to her circumstances, we knew she wasn’t the person who could be a third for us on a regular basis, but that was okay. Even if it only happened once, it would be a learning experience for us as a couple, to see how we reacted to what goes down during a MFF threesome.

We had a lot of fun and repeated the exercise numerous times. But while it was enjoyable, it wasn’t exactly fulfilling. I began to wonder why.

In the past, when I was part of the swinging lifestyle, I had a number of threesomes with my then husband, with a boyfriend, with a girlfriend, and I was even the ‘unicorn’ a few times. Most of them were fun and exciting, and taught me a lot about my own sexuality and what I do and don’t enjoy. Looking back, I found the ones I enjoyed the most were when I cared deeply for everyone involved. I didn’t have to be in love with everyone by any means, but when there was a relationship outside the bedroom, the sex was more intense and fulfilling.

This came as a bit of a shock to me, as I’ve never considered myself demisexual. I’ve had relationships that really couldn’t be called anything other than a booty call that I enjoyed immensely. But when it comes to multiple people, it seems I have a bit of a demisexual side. I can have threesomes with people I don’t feel much for, beyond attraction, but they aren’t anywhere near as satisfying. The older I get, the more satisfying sex I want, not just sex for the sake of fucking.

For my husband, it appears to be headed in the same direction. Months ago, we discussed our sexual bucket lists, and one item he added to his was completely anonymous sex. A one night stand, no connection, just straight fucking til they both came, get up and leave. As hot as that sounds to me (I’ve actually done it) the more we talk, the more I realize he isn’t as interested as he once was. For him, it seems sex without me being involved in some way just doesn’t hold the same appeal as it maybe did in the past.

We’ve also learned that he isn’t as keen to jump right in from the beginning like he was with our first threesome partner. Our current partner, who is my girlfriend, and I have a long standing relationship, in and out of the bedroom. We’ve known one another for over 10 years and worked together as escorts many years ago. She and I have engaged in threesomes with clients, and one on one time with each other many times over the years. She’s just a genuinely warm, caring, and sexy woman who we both enjoy spending time with outside the bedroom, too. Whereas we were close with the woman we initially had a threesome with, it was a different connection. This one is deeper and more meaningful for us both.

When the three of us finally got together to have sex, it was completely different than our first threesome experience. My husband wanted to sit back and enjoy the show Kira and I put on for him. He told me later, just the sight of the two of us together did just as much for him as actually interacting with us. We’re all big into pictures and video, so my husband played photographer for hours before actually jumping in to join the fun.

As amazing as our time together was, what made it fulfilling for us as a couple is what happened after. No one needed to scurry back to their room so they wouldn’t get caught. We had all the time in the world to cuddle, scroll through pictures, and talk about plans for the future. All of us were ready for time together again, and it didn’t even have to involve sex, though none of us would turn it down.

Our relationship as a couple has grown stronger since we began opening up to one another about what we desire. You don’t have to be non-monogamous to benefit from what we’ve learned. You can incorporate toys to mimic a third, you can discuss fantasies and engage in role play, and you can even make it a habit to send naughty texts and photos to your partner to spice things up. What’s key in all of those things isn’t your relationship status, it’s your willingness to communicate openly, listen to one another, and put it all into practice.

More threesome and moresome fun!

Demeter deLune is a writer forged in the fires of desire. If you love reading her naughty tales of love and lust, sign up for her email list.