How to Market Your Penis
Why your dick pics don’t convert and what you can do about it
You’ve been sending dick pics for months. No results. Not only do you not convert, but you also lose users.
People unfollow you. Block you. Hate you.
You tried everything. You used a tripod. You changed your lighting and bought a new camera. You trimmed and groomed your pubic hair.
You even hired a professional photographer.
Crickets.
Online sexual harassment isn’t what it used to be. You seriously consider giving up and closing your Twitter account. “I’m too old for this shit,” you say.
Wait! Instead of planning your retirement, keep reading!
The problem with dick pics
It’s not that your dick pics aren’t good. You’ve put all your heart and soul into them — I’m sure they are wonderful.
It’s that… they’re just dick pics. Regardless of their quality, they inherently have one big issue:
As a marketing strategy, dick pics are so passé.
They used to have some shock value. Now, they are mostly ignored.
Like YouTube ads, dick pics have saturated the market and users have become blind to them.
Let’s see why.
Dick pics don’t reveal all features
A dick pic can convey visible features, like size, complexion, and shape. Are these features enough, though? Can they convert a viewer to a user?
Moreover:
Can they convert a one-time user to a lifetime devotee?
If that’s what you are after, visible features are not enough. They don’t tell how your crotch smells or how your fluids taste. They don’t say how firm or squishy your erection is. They don’t reveal how long it takes you to climax.
Anybody can get their penis used once. Only the very best get their penis worshipped by devoted lifetime fans.
Dick pics show features, not benefits
A picture is 1000 words. But are they the right ones?
Even the features that are plain visible in your dick pic, does the viewer know what they mean?
Do they get what’s in it for them?
So, you have a dick — good for you. But what does it mean for the viewer you target?
Are they even interested?
Which brings us to the next point:
Know your audience
Whom are you trying to serve?
Here is some tough truth:
Not everyone will be interested in using your penis.
“But it’s such a good dick!” you say. “Why doesn’t everybody want a piece of it?”
I hear you. It’s insane. It’s hurtful. It’s unfair!
But you need to embrace this truth sooner than later. It will save you from tons of pain.
Not everyone wants what you have to offer.
You don’t want to be barking up the wrong tree. It’s futile and exhausting. You’ll burn out.
You need to know who your audience is and what they are looking for. You absolutely need to figure this one out right now.
Then, you have to find out why.
Research, research, research
Finding the right audience can be tough, but it’s no quest for the Holy Grail. You may already have some idea of whom you are trying to serve.
First of all, check social media groups that seem relevant:
- Do any people look like they would welcome a sexual assault? Could they be actively “asking for it?” Could they be hungry for unsolicited photos of men’s private parts?
- Read the stories they share. Note the language they use to describe negative or positive previous experiences.
- How do their preferences associate with their sexual and personal history?
- Analyse lots of cases. Can you see any patterns emerging?
Second, engage in conversations, online or in person:
- Be direct and honest. “What are you looking for in a penis?” would be a great start.
- Don’t stop there, though. Ask questions. The devil is in the detail, so don’t be afraid to ask for clarifications.
- Don’t pitch. Let people tell their stories and listen to them. You want to understand and empathise with them, not dazzle them with your offer.
- Be respectful, even if you disagree with them. This is not about imposing your belief system, but understanding theirs.
Finally, the most important part:
Let go of anyone who doesn’t fit the bill.
They are not your audience, so you may as well stop worrying about them and focus on the ones that matter.
Creating your users’ personas
So, you’ve done extensive and exhaustive research. You can’t wait to launch.
Before firing away, though, you will be greatly helped by visualising the people you are willing to serve.
Janet is an English teacher in her late 30s. She is a single mother, with two kids (14 and 12). She has just entered a phase of sexual awakening and she enjoys an active sex life with different men. She is not specifically after big sizes, but she will definitely try them.
Katia is a barista in her mid 20s. Her first two boyfriends had huge penises and were particularly sloppy, too. As a result, she has never been comfortable with big sizes.
See? Not only do you have a clear overview of different people’s needs, but you can also visualise an actual person behind the cold statistics.
Don’t stick to the demographics — age, gender, profession, etc. Dig deeper, to find the inmost needs of your potential audience.
The importance of killer copy
You have your penis and you have your camera. You’ve researched the market and know whom you are trying to serve.
Great job!
Now, you need to start writing.
“What?!?” you gasp. “But I am no writer!”
No, but you can become one.
You must become one. If you want to create change with what you do. If you want to serve the people who need your services.
Be punchy. Convey what’s in it for your viewer and make sure you focus on the benefits, not the features.
Examples
Do you want to know something amazing?
Any feature can be turned into a benefit.
Is your penis big? If you’re addressing adventurous Janet, you can be provocative and offer her a challenge:
“Can you take it? How ‘bout twice?”
If, on the other hand, it’s Katia you want to approach, you should make her feel safe:
“With great size comes great responsibility.”
Are you a virgin? Try:
“Unused, in excellent condition.”
You’ve had more than your fair share? No problem:
“Join hundreds of satisfied users!”
Do you ejaculate prematurely? Turn that into a benefit:
“On a tight schedule? You’ll love our Quick Mode.”
Does it come with low hanging, loose testicles? Be inventive and visual:
Go for it
“I have tasted the sour wine of rejection, therefore I have no fear — can I just use your bathroom, please?”
— Seneca
You, too. You know how rejection tastes. You can continue tasting it.
Or you can take action.
Because now you know. If you want to seriously impact people’s lives, you can’t rely on sending them dick pics.
Not anymore.
This July I will be running my best selling course How to Market Your Penis and Effectively Harass People Online. You can wait for next year.
Or you can grow a pair and enroll right now! Limited places left.
Click on the phallus image below, to claim a 20% discount!
If you liked this story, you can also try something completely different:
*Baoding balls image: Wikimedia Commons — NewYorkStyledCheesecakes at English Wikipedia / CC BY-SA
** Priapus image: Wikimedia Commons — Carole Raddato from FRANKFURT, Germany / CC BY-SA
