Do you have a smartphone? Of course, you do!
Have you ever used it to take photos of your naked body? Of course, you have!
And honestly, I’m sure the recipient was blown away at the sight of your smokin’ hot bod. After all, who doesn’t want to see that fabulous pair of titties or that perfectly smooth ballsack?
But you know what? The times they are a-changin’.
With so many people sending and receiving nudes, it’s understandable that you want to make your photos stand out. They need to pop. They need to sing. They need that certain umpf and wow and hubba hubba to them.
A simple photo of your pink nipple or soft penis will no longer cut it.
You have to step up your nudie photo game.
But don’t worry. You don’t have to be a Vogue photographer or Oscar award-winning cinematographer in order to create a beautiful naked piece of art. There are several things you can easily do to make sure you take the most flattering nudes with your iPhone.
Choose your best features
As a 5'2" petite woman, I know I don’t excel in the long leg department. But thankfully, my C-cup breasts make up for whatever I lack in length. And thanks to my ultra-flattering photos, you’d have absolutely no clue that I’m just a few inches above being legally called a dwarf.
When crafting the perfect nudie photo, it’s important to accentuate your best assets.
Who cares if you don’t have a flat stomach or a twerk-worthy ass? I guarantee you have something that will make any man or woman drool like a street dog in the alley of a butcher shop.
And most importantly, focus on whatever you love about your body. If you feel comfortable and confident, that will shine through in your photos.
Experiment with props, clothing, and backdrops
The coolest thing about taking nudes is that — surprisingly — you don’t have to be fully nude! Props, lingerie, and other sexy items add pizazz and personal style to your photos.
Need some inspiration? Don’t worry. I gotchu covered.
How about holding a book over crotch while you’re reading? What about taking a photo of your legs delicately moistened with bubbles or water droplets while you’re in the bathtub? Maybe you can show a hint of nipple through a wet T-shirt or lace bra?
The options are literally endless.
But try to avoid weird things like stuffed animals or leftover food from your fridge. Unless you’re into that. But if so, then photograph the hell outta that reheated Panda Express orange chicken!
Don’t be afraid of the mirror
The classic mirror selfie is a tricky one — but hear me out. Snapping a photo directly in front of one of these bad boys is the best way to show off your entire body.
Sure, it’s a little tacky to be holding your phone in the picture, but I doubt the recipient will even notice. They’ll have a full-frontal view of all the jiggly goodies your mama gave you.
And unless you want your photos to look like your MySpace profile pic circa 2004, avoid using the bathroom mirror. Not only are these photos distracting (ew, you should hang your towel and clean your sink), but nobody really wants to see where you shit.
A full body mirror in the bedroom or hallway is the best for the sexy mirror selfie.
Try out some post-shoot editing
Listen, I’m not advocating that you enlarge your bulge or buffer out your stretch marks. But a little tweaking after your sexy photoshoot can take your nudes from “Wow” to “Holyshitfuckmenow.”
First, you’ll want to crop the photo. I like to center my body in the photograph or use the old trusty rule of thirds.
Then depending on the lighting, you might want to boost up the brightness or contrast to highlight your sexy parts. You don’t need a fancy paid app to do this — all iPhones have a built-in edit mode that allows you to adjust the light and color.
Another option is to add a black and white filter, which is a flattering look for all body shapes and skin tones.
As long as you aren’t manipulating your photos by adding those dumb eye-enlarging, fake-eyelash producing, chin-slimming Snapchat filters, you should be just fine.
Ask before sending
Ladies, raise your hands if you’ve been victim to an unwanted dick pic.
That’s what I thought.
As a courtesy to all human beings, you should always check with the recipient before firing away photos of your peen or puss. If confidence is sexy — then consent is even sexier!
And don’t send nudes with your face in them
Unless you really, really, really trust that person. And even then, you should think twice about doing it.
And for an extra layer of security, always send your photos using a secure platform. I’m not the head of security when it comes to social networks, but I’d go out on a limb and say that Facebook Messager and Twitter DMs are not the right platforms for your sexy nudes.
By now, I hope your creative juices and bodily juices are flowing at equal speeds. It’s time to strip off them clothes, set up your iPhone self-timer, and take some amazing sexy photos of your wonderful body!