I’m a Squirter, and It’s Great Too
After I wrote “I’m a Squirter and It’s Not as Great As You Might Think,” several readers and my own partner all said, “But being with a squirter is awesome!”
Yes, being a squirter has its share of drawbacks: it sort of kills spontaneity when you realize you can’t cum here because you don’t want to stain the new carpet, and if you don’t want to drown or blind your partner, don’t do 69.
But embracing the fact that I’m a squirter opened the door for me to be able to have a full sexual experience, and it came with its other share of benefits too:
1. I am seriously comfortable with my body.
Bodies are weird, especially when they start rubbing against other bodies for the sake of pleasure. There are weird noises, from friction or too much air in places air shouldn’t be. Stuff is gonna jiggle. That stomach is not gonna look flat. You probably have an O face that would make someone laugh hysterically.
Add in the fact that squirters are expelling a fair amount of liquid that is messy and can stain? You seriously have to be comfortable with yourself.
When I first discovered I was a squirter, I felt a lot of shame. I was having to bring a towel to bed with me to masturbate while I was in college because I was basically wetting the bed. Who wants to wet the bed? NO ONE.
But it felt good. I didn’t want to stop cumming, so it meant I had to get over it. I watched porn that showed women squirting and men loving it. I had some enthusiastic partners. And slowly but surely, I got the fuck over it.
I still might have some discomfort in the beginning with a new partner. With my current one, I was uncomfortable at first about squirting while he was eating me out. I love him, and it felt…disrespectful. “I don’t want to cum on your face!” I told him after the third or fourth time I found myself holding back or trying to cut him off early. “But I want you to cum on my face!” he retorted. Well, that did it.
Eventually, if I want to bring myself the most sexual pleasure, I have to let go of my hang-ups, and that means all of them: squirting plus any feelings I may have about how my stomach may look fat if I move a certain way.
2. I can’t fake cumming.
While other women who just orgasm vaginally can fake an orgasm, squirters simply can’t. We aren’t peeing when we squirt (have you ever tried to pee when you’re aroused anyway? It’s hard.), and unless I’m hiding a squirt gun behind me to shoot at choice moments, I just can’t fake it.
This is actually really really good. It forces me to be honest about sex, which is insanely hard to be honest about. I would pretend sex noises at sleepovers with my girl friends when I was in middle school, so making sex a display for men was something I learned early on.
It’s that whole fragile male ego thing, really. “We have to let our guys know they’re doing a good job!” Well, sometimes our men just aren’t fucking doing a good job, and if we keep telling them they’re doing a good job, keep pretending we’re orgasming when we’re not, sex with them will keep sucking.
If my partner is going down on me or fingering me and I’m not cumming, I have to say why. I have to say that he isn’t hitting the right spot or he needs to move his tongue more quickly or maybe that I’m all up in my head and just can’t right now.
For my partner, he appreciates the tangible validation. He loves knowing for sure that I’ve cum and how different kinds of stimulation make me gush vs. squirt (my honey is an engineer and I swear he would love to do a dataset that would correlate how I squirt with what he did. I can imagine him saying, “Wow, you really shot a strong stream on 5/14. You must have really liked when I hit your G-spot that way.”).
3. I know how to make myself cum.
Being a squirter requires a high degree of self-acceptance. I masturbated and watched porn all throughout high school and had a couple of sexual partners, but I didn’t have my first real orgasm until college. I held back too much. I wasn’t comfortable enough with myself or with my partners to get there.
Some women may never get there. They may always hold back too much, not ask for what they need, or be so caught up in looking good during sex that they never allow themselves to let go and just enjoy it.
Squirters who embrace being squirters know how to make themselves cum. And if it means rolling off their partners, grabbing a towel, and going to town on their clits to make it happen, they fucking will because they want to enjoy themselves just as much as their partner did.
Squirting is an essential part of every one of my sexual experiences, and navigating the drawbacks has allowed me to embrace myself fully. Today I have an intensely satisfying and honest sexual relationship with my partner that blows my mind on the reg. Isn’t it great that we can learn from what gives us the most shame about our bodies to have the most pleasure?