Monogamy: The Board Game That Will Spice Up Your Sex Life
Monogamy is more than just a relationship orientation — it’s now a board game.
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I love my wife. Like lo-o-ve her.
As adults, both of us suffer from decision fatigue. Adults are faced with a deluge of decisions. What do I make for breakfast? What projects should I propose at work? Where should we take the kids to get new shoes? What do we make for dinner? What shows should we watch this evening?
When it comes to sex, after a lengthy make-out session that involves a lot of nice touching and fondling, the conversation can quickly lead to, “What do you want?”
Sometimes the answer comes back as, “I want whatever you want…”
Which is sweet. I don’t fault that answer. It’s a way of saying, “I’m yours. Use me!”
As Paris Hilton would say, that’s hot.
It simply feels better when somebody else makes all the calls. All their desires become yours as well.
What happens, though, when neither of you want to be that person who makes all the calls?
Enter the adult board game. I’m not talking about Catan or Trivial Pursuit, though those can be fun, too. No, I’m talking about games that get you in the mood for the sex!
Monogamy, a hot affair… with your partner!
Monogamy is a game that most people won’t put in their cabinet of board games alongside Sorry! and Monopoly. Ours, for instance, is at the top of my closet, hidden under a pile of ugly Christmas sweaters.
Monogamy is an interesting two-player game for committed couples. It lets both parties get what they want out of it by letting someone else call all shots. You can both be submissives for a drunken evening in.
Here’s how the game works:
There are two tokens you use to move around the board (one for you, one for your partner). Every time you make two circuits around the board, you increase your level. The three levels are:
- Intimate
- Passionate
- Steamy
These three levels determine how intense the passion gets – the solution to the problem that most adult games suffer from.
Monogamy starts slow and warms up at a comfortable pace. Other games I’ve tried — Sexopoly is a good example, as are the many iterations of sex dice — take you from awkward and sober to face-deep in genitals on the very first roll. While I’m all about getting freaky, there needs to be some warmup involved.
While it starts slow, it’s not too slow. Your first roll may have you sipping wine while your lover massages your shoulders — not a bad start. Or, it could be you seeing them in an unbuttoned shirt while you feed them chocolate. Slow, but pretty fucking titillating.
You must give a massage on some turns. On others, you are told to sip your alcoholic drink (more on this later), feed food to your partner, take off an item of clothing, kiss PG-rated areas, or pull a Monogamy card.
The cards on the intimate level are vanilla. Many of them ask you personal questions about your likes/dislikes (“Do you prefer the lights on or off during sex? Why?”) or have you do something flirty, but nothing over the top, for you partner. “Nibble on your partner’s earlobe for 30 seconds” is a good example of something that will inch them towards “the mood” without going too far, too fast.
Two times around, and you will hit the next level. By this time, you’ll have a couple of glasses of wine or Rum-and-Coke in you. That makes the next stage of undress, massaging erogenous zones, or kissing more R-rated areas come with less self-consciousness involved.
The Monogamy cards are also a little more on the grown-up side, but not quite X-rated:
Have her stand up in a door frame blindfolded, mostly naked but with panties on. Use a vibrator on her breasts, nipples, and other erogenous zones. Then, tease her most sensitive spots over her panties for exactly 1 minute.
Monogamy is really great at not going too fast. Before you get to the Steamy level, you’ll be 1.5–2 hours in, really feeling the hormones and the alcohol, and not feel like you’ve even started!
One thing I’ll mention lightly, but not go into much, is the feature that says every time you go around the board, you pull a “Fantasy” card. You can only keep two Fantasy cards at a time. On your third time around, when you pull a Fantasy card, you get to choose to keep it or replace one of the cards you are holding. If you win, you get to choose which Fantasy you get to fulfill.
I won’t discuss Fantasy cards very much. Not because the fantasies they describe are weird – quite the opposite. Whoever wrote these things didn’t get paid enough!
I won’t discuss Fantasy cards because, well… I’ve never finished the game.
As with other levels, you have two moves around the board under the Steamy level. I’ve personally never finished this level. It’s always somewhere around the first circuit of this level where you just say fuck it, let’s screw!
By this point, both of you are completely naked. You are both very tipsy. Every roll ends up being some part of you being inside some part of your partner. One of the cards on this Steamy level is, “Go to where you have a full-sized mirror. Set a timer, and make love to her from behind in front of the mirror for TWO minutes.”
Yeah… some challenges are hard to stop once the timer ends.
The negatives of the game
While Monogamy is really, really great, there are some pitfalls you must be aware of to not have a terrible time playing.
The first one is alcohol. You’ll be drinking a lot during this game, so you have to pace yourself.
The very first time I played, I wasn’t aware just how many sips of alcohol we’d be taking. I like my rums and Coke pretty strong, so that’s how I made them. By the first roll of the Steamy level, I was starting to not feel that great.
Fifteen minutes later, I was nude, covered in lube and chocolate sauce, and puking in the toilet – which ended our evening tout suite.
So, pace yourself. Take small sips. Get some lower ABV beer. Put ice in that glass of cheap white wine. You want to be nice and tipsy, but not over the “oh my god what did I do” line.
There are also spaces that, due to many reasons, you may not be comfortable doing. One of the regular spaces you land on is “Sexy dance.”
You’re supposed to dance. In a sexy manner.
I’m as white as they come. I feel awkward and silly if I try to dance during a normal night out. In fact, I keep a very strict “No Dancing” policy (unless it’s slow and romantic dancing, which I love). I definitely can’t dance in a sexy manner. There isn’t anyone, anywhere, getting turned on by my dancing.
Another thing you have to take care of is food. This game requires you to feed your partner food or have your partner eat food off of you. Which is fun – but messy. Chocolate syrup can get everywhere really fast.
And, oh my god, you don’t want whipped cream in your nose.
Anal play shows up here and there, which is a definite no-no on the things my wife is comfortable with. Which is fine by me. Occasionally you come across something you aren’t comfortable doing. Put that card at the bottom of the pile (so to speak) and move on.
No matter what, have fun!
Adult board games are a fun way to relinquish control when neither you or your partner want to decide what to do during your sexy time together.
While Monogamy is great, there are plenty of options for adult gameplay, so find one that suits the kind of mood you want to set.
Whether it’s an icebreaker-style party game or something more competitive with lots of laughs, there is definitely an option out there for every couple looking for some sexual release in new ways!
Share any personal favorites in the comments below — I always love trying new things!
Note: This post is not endorsed by, nor is it a paid advertisement for, Creative Conceptions, makers of Monogamy. The author just really, really likes it.
