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My Brain and My Body Have Different Ideas About What Turns Me On
How I’m working on getting them back on the same page.
My life has all the makings of a smutty novel. I’m in an open relationship with my husband, and in a given month I have multiple sexual partners (both men and women). Whether with my partner(s) or on my own, there are few opportunities for sex and connection that I’m not open to. Our child-free life allows us to travel to adults-only, clothing-optional resorts, meet swinger friends in other cities, and spend debaucherous weekends in hotels with other like-minded folks.
No one puts limits on my desires. I have found recent lovers open, communicative, and eager to please. So besides my tendency to run from routine and a craving for novelty, why have I been so bored in bed recently?
A lover recently texted me, wanting to chat about what it is that turns me on. He wanted to make it clear that he was open to exploring whatever it would that might bring me pleasure. I know why he was texting me. The last time we were together, I was performing desire but not feeling it, and I think he could tell.
Last year, I read Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life by Justin Lehmiller. The book reviews the largest and most…
