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No, Polyamory Won’t Save the World

If people want a lot of partners, why do they cheat instead of being open?

Too weird

I’ve run into this before. Open, honest non-monogamy is “too weird.” Cheating is okay, because there’s a socially accepted script for it. There’s a paradigm, right? The roles in the play are we — defined. Everyone knows the script—what the Cheating Husband, the Scorned Wife, and the Husband’s Mistress are supposed to do.

Polyamory is not the answer

Every so often, when I talk about polyamory, someone will raise a hand and say “Isn’t polyamory justified cheating?” Then I explain that the word ‘cheating’ means ‘breaking the rules,’ which means that if something isn’t against the rules of your relationship, it isn’t cheating by definition.

A completely new way of thinking

The problem with polyamory, from the point of view of folks who say things like “I could never do that, it’s too weird,” is that polyamory upsets the entire applecart. When you’re cheating, you’re breaking the rules, sure, but you’re not trying to bring them down entirely.



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