Redefining beauty and aging through a boudoir photoshoot
Let’s banish antiquated beauty standards to the grave
For the past three decades, society has been ruled by beauty magazines and glamorous Victoria’s Secret models.
They were united in their message, a message they kept hammering home: you are not enough. You need longer lashes, shinier hair, bigger breasts, and a flatter belly. We can fix you, buy this product.
Growing up in the 90s and 2000s, the narrative was straightforward: the skinnier, the better.
The Kate Moss body type ruled the world, every shape and size that didn’t conform was considered to be less. We stepped on the scale to measure our worth, and let that number determine our self-esteem.
I believed this narrative for too long, chastising my body for not being the right type — until I finally looked at myself in a different light.
A problem most women face
In high school I was always the biggest girl in my class- and by that, I mean a size 10 at 5'8”. Anorexia in high schools back in the early 2000s was a real problem. Girls would barely eat, and if they did, they’d often go to the bathroom to get it all out right after.
Many of them didn’t even develop breasts because they were not taking in enough nutrients. They made up for it as soon as they turned 18, by getting breast implants.
At 15, I was an athlete preparing for pre-Olympic national trials. I had to keep muscle mass on to stay competitive. But still, I was a victim of 90s body dysmorphia. I couldn’t buy clothes in a regular shop for teenage girls. Anything over a size 6 was considered XXL — they never had any in stock.
Most women who grew up in that era have similar stories of how a society ruled by beauty magazines and glamorous lingerie models was tyrannical in its essence — oppressive to its very core.
Questioning beauty standards
Society makes us focus on what is wrong with us — so that we can fix it by spending money and time. As visual beings, we place a high amount of our worth in our appearance, so it’s not a hard sell.
Up until my late twenties, I spent so much time staring in the mirror, focusing on everything that I wished would magically change. I spent so many days hating myself for not being skinnier, and I’ll never get that time back. I’ll never get that chance to love myself back.
I’ve wasted thousands of dollars on cosmetics that don’t work. I eventually discovered Med Spas and went down that path- CoolSculpting, laser treatments to hide stretch marks from when I grew up too fast — Botox for the wrinkles on my forehead. Unlike cosmetics, most of these expensive treatments work, which is how they get you hooked wanting more.
We are never taught how to focus on the beautiful parts of our bodies and just be.
The standards of beauty according to mainstream media nowadays are unattainable, even for the models themselves. So why are we playing the game?
Stripping my clothes — and bad beliefs
I normally don’t take pictures of myself — it feels like work, and I simply don’t like the way I look in them.
For my 30th birthday, my best friend gifted me a photoshoot with a photographer she had recently done a boudoir session with. The results were stunning. She had managed to capture and emphasize all of my friend’s most beautiful traits.
I always thought that only really skinny girls looked good in these kinds of pictures. This belief had been recently challenged when Playboy rebranded to focus on “real” women. So I decided to give it a try- if there was a secret trick, I wanted in.
During the session, I was forced to let go of the expectation of having to be perfect by applying a little more makeup, obsessing over angles, or retouching my hair after each shot.
I was forced to stop focusing on the cellulite on my banana rolls, or the pockets of fat that appeared on my waist when I bent sideways. Everyone has those, Instagram taught us we shouldn’t. It doesn’t make us less beautiful.
I started the session wearing lingerie. I was never good at posing, but somehow I found posing with fewer clothes on to be easier, it came naturally as I didn’t feel constricted by bras, tight pants, or pointy shoes. I just moved, rotating my body freely through space.
The clothes we wear to make our bodies look “nice” also make our bodies feel imprisoned.
I soon became aware of how the silk nightdress slid on my body as I twisted and turned, and realized that even with such little fabric, I was still constricted to certain angles to make sure it looked smooth and fitting.
It suddenly dawned on me- how many hours must those Victoria's Secret models spend to get the perfect billboard picture, turning one degree at a time until they find the perfect angle?
I briefly tried modeling in college, and believe me when I say it’s no fun. And the goal of all that work? To bring beauty standards as further as possible from objective reality, and out of reach for the majority of women.
Post-Shoot Life Changes: The Aftermath
Immediately after the shoot, I got rid of every article of clothing that felt tight in the slightest bit. I tried on every pair of jeans and sat down, and if they even compressed my belly even a little, they went to the donation pile. Same with bras and dress shoes.
If these clothes are supposed to make me look nice for a night out, they can’t make my body so uncomfortable that I don’t even want to move or pose for a picture.
When I saw the results of the shoot I was shocked — was that me?
When I look in the mirror, all I see are the parts of my body that need improvement.
When I look at the pictures of my same exact body, the most beautiful parts of me are the first thing I notice. The camera provides a layer of detachment from your own image and reduces your self-criticism.
I was able to focus on the smoothness of my skin and the symmetry of my curves, rather than on my hips being slightly too wide. Every woman should ask herself — what are the beautiful parts of me that I forget to notice when I’m getting dressed in the morning?
A $400 photoshoot accomplished what $4000 of cosmetics had failed to: I finally liked myself. I learned to accept and respect my body, along the way losing respect for the beauty industry that is full of sh#t.
The most powerful thing about a boudoir photoshoot is that the audience is limited and clearly defined. For most women, the resulting pictures stay between herself, the photographer, a partner, and a couple of close friends.
The rule of thumb in Western countries seems to be that it takes two decades from puberty for women to become comfortable in their skin. This is sad.
Luckily the female body changes very little between the ages of 15 and 40- as long as we take care of ourselves through proper nutrition and exercise. Sure, our skin gets thinner with age, we might get spider veins and some cellulite. But our shape? It stays exactly the same.
Growing up, I was taught that showing your body past a certain age is inappropriate. A 35-year-old woman in a miniskirt was considered pathetic. Nobody knows why.
I’d like to see more bikini pictures of women 30, 50, and even 60-year-old women on social media, in magazines, and in advertisements.
We complied with the old rules for so long that society came to associate beautiful female figures with being a teenager, or a twenty-something-year-old. But is this really true?
I think not.
A special thank you to Joe Duncan for helping me with editing this article. Writing about this topic required getting quite out of my comfort zone, and the support is highly appreciated.
Thank you for reading. If you’d like to continue the conversation, you can find me on Twitter.
