The Failure of #FreeTheNipple

Until men evolve to have breasts, those globs of flesh will never be desexualized.

Carlyn Beccia
Sexography

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The Failure of #FreeTheNipple
Photo by cottonbro studio

I do not wear bras. One of the perks of being in the small-chested club is you can forgo those metal-wired medieval torture devices invented by designers who failed physics. (Seriously, why can’t anyone invent a bra that doesn’t contain the same material used in an elevator shaft?)

But during the summer, fabrics are sheer, and nights are chilly. So, I behave and slap on self-adhesive “boob tape” until my tits are wrapped up enough to resemble a no-entry crime scene.

Before I go out, I will ask my teenage daughter one vitally important existentialist question, “Can you see my nipples?”

She always laughs and shouts, “#FreeTheNipple, Mom!!!”

It’s a running joke between us because we realize the ridiculousness of finding feminist liberation by flashing our breasts.

Brace yourself. Bad feminist opinion coming…

#FreeTheNipple was the dumbest and most pointless feminist movement in the history of feminism.

In case you missed this women’s liberation historical footnote, the #FreeTheNipple campaign began in 1992 when New York resident Ramona Santorelli filed a case claiming toplessness was…

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Carlyn Beccia
Sexography

Author & illustrator. My latest books — 10 AT 10, MONSTROUS: THE LORE, GORE, & SCIENCE, and THEY LOST THEIR HEADS. Contact: CarlynBeccia.com