Mental Health
Therapy Isn’t Just For Women
Men need more than accomplishments and sex.
“Boys don’t cry” is one of the first clues young men receive for who they are supposed to be. They take it to heart and internalize it early.
It’s difficult to tell when it begins, but working in schools, I’ve seen it in boys as young as nine, vainly holding their heads up, defiant, as they castigate a classmate who had given in to tears. “He cries all the time. I don’t. Not even when my dad scolds me. He reprimands me all the time and I don’t cry.”
Another boy, age eleven, holds back tears as he shares how much his parents' divorce affected him. “I’m not going to cry,” he says, resolute. He doesn’t cry, but he yells a lot, doesn’t want to participate in class, and becomes aggressive with his classmates. After he’s given the opportunity to open up about his sentiments and sheds a reluctant tear, the teacher reports back that he’s been calmer, and more even-tempered.
In a therapy session, I once spent twelve minutes in silence with a fourteen-year-old patient who didn’t want to tell me anything. I knew from his mother and from breadcrumbs he had dropped in previous sessions that he was struggling, but I couldn’t help unless he let me in, and I couldn’t force myself. This was a boy who had witnessed…
