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What I Learned from Sex I Hate

And how having sex you don’t like can change your attitude

Anything’s a sex toy if you’re brave enough. Image: Charles Deluvio

A classification system for fun

What is sex?

The shape of my nightmares

The take-away

  • I’ve learned I can be afraid of something and still choose to do it anyway. For instance, I used to have a full-blown, go-into-a-meltdown phobia of needles. Now I occasionally do needle play. I can stare my fear in the eye and come out on top.
  • I’ve learned that trusting a partner in a sexual situation where I feel uncomfortable builds intimacy and trust.
  • I’ve learned the world is bigger than I imagined, and many people enjoy things I would find quite unfathomable. (This, I think, is a lesson more of us could benefit from. Whenever someone says ‘porn is always exploitive because nobody would ever want to do that,’ they’re inevitably talking out their ass. There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in their philosophy.)
  • I’ve learned my tastes change. Things I once thought I would never enjoy (broccoli, pegging) now add richness to my life.
  • I’ve learned things aren’t always how they seem. It’s hard to know in advance how something I’ve never done will feel. I’ve talked about this before, in fact: when I first experienced flogging, it felt nothing like I expected.
  • There’s more than one way to have fun. Sometimes, things that are not Type I fun can still be Type II or Type III fun.



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