What Men Should Expect The First Time They Have Sex

The first time you have sex can be quite nerve-racking; Especially for men, as there is a lot of pressure surrounding performance. If you take the time to be prepared and learn a thing or two ahead of time, you can ensure it’s a pleasurable and fun time for everyone involved. Here are some tips to help you prepare for your first time.

Let’s talk about sex

Ultimately, you and your partner should have a conversation (or three) about what you both desire when it comes to sex. Sure, passion happens and you may find yourself in the midst of having sex for the first time without ever talking about it. It may not sound sexy to sit down with your person and discuss what you’d like to happen, your likes and dislikes, and expectations, but it actually is. The more information you give and receive up front, the better your experience will be in the long run.

Don’t forget the condoms

You should carry protection whenever on a date, even if you’re not sure sex is going to happen. Don’t get caught up in the heat of the moment and end up having unprotected sex, which can lead to unwanted pregnancies or STIs. In a perfect world, your date will consider this too, but it’s better to be prepared than not. However, don’t keep a condom in your wallet! Over time, the friction and heat will degrade the material. Be considerate, and have a couple of options, in case your partner is allergic to latex.

Enjoy the moment

A lot of time sex becomes a sort of an ego game where men are worried about whether they’re doing it right and pleasing their partner. Stop being nervous and simply enjoy the moment. Forget everything you’ve ever seen in the movies and porn, because that’s not real. Just enjoy being with them, remember that it’s not a game, or something to make you a stud, but a close moment with your partner that you will cherish in times to come. There’s nothing wrong with being nervous, just try not to let it dictate how your evening goes!

Give foreplay the time it deserves

One common complaint that women have is that men don’t spend enough time on foreplay. There’s far more to sex than just penetration. Outercourse is an umbrella term that refers to all forms of sexual acts, except penetration, which includes kissing, foreplay, oral sex, mutual masturbation, necking, dry humping, rubbing, massages, breast stimulation and much more. A lot of women have trouble reaching orgasm through vaginal intercourse and giving them an orgasm through either fingering or oral sex could be the way to go. This is where communication comes in once again.

Even if this is your partner’s first time too, they’ve likely masturbated and learned about what their body likes. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with stopping periodically and checking in with our partners. Ask if what you’re doing feels good, and especially, ask if it’s okay. Giving your partner an orgasm shouldn’t be the end goal, but making sure you’re both enjoying what’s happening is important.

It may hurt

Sometimes sex can hurt for the first time. The tip of your penis could become sensitive or it may hurt your partner. Dyspareunia, or pain during sex, is a fairly common phenomenon among women; one out of five women experiences it at least once in their lives. Mostly, it’s due to lack of lubrication so keep that in mind and keep some handy. Our bodies don’t always produce enough natural lubricant, and that’s okay. It doesn’t always mean we’re not into what’s happening, so don’t take offense. If you’re both careful and go slow, it should ease any potential pain.

Don’t buy into myths

There are a lot of myths about female virginity, the most common being, all women bleed the first time they have sex. People believe that this is due to the hymen breaking, but hymen breakage has nothing to do with virginity. It can break due to vigorous exercise or even due to activities like cycling and horseback riding. And even if your partner’s not a virgin, it shouldn’t bother you. Don’t make it about what you think is supposed to happen, instead, enjoy what’s going on in the now.

Communicate and ask them what they want

One of the most common problems new couples have in the bedroom is that they don’t discuss sex or talk about it. You should do better and talk to your partner about any inhibitions or fears that you or they have about intercourse. Ask them what pleases them and what they expect out of sex. Be frank about your own expectations.

Expect issues like premature ejaculation and erection issues

Sometimes, the pressure of having sex for the very first time might get to you, and you could suffer erection issues or premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation is fairly common because of the way sex feels for the very first time. If you do come too quickly don’t worry about it. Premature ejaculation should go away in time, once your body gets used to intercourse versus masturbation. Another issue you could face is a weak or no erection. This says nothing about you, it’s due to the psychological pressure of this being your first time. The problem will resolve itself.

It will get better

The most important thing to keep in mind is that no one is good the first time. Sex, like everything else, takes practice, and you will get better with experience. So try not to worry about it and just enjoy your first time. When you and your partner communicate honestly and openly, the sky is the limit to the pleasures you give one another.

Here’s a take on experiencing a man’s first time, from a woman’s perspective:

Demeter deLune is a writer forged in the fires of desire. If you love reading her naughty tales of love and lust, sign up for her email list.