Why A Good Spanking is a Great Idea
The ins and outs of one of the most classic punishments
Long before 50 Shades of Gray ever captured the mainstream imagination of every uninitiated would-be kinkster, there was The Secretary. The movie came out when I was about 14 years old, and I remember younger me being enthralled as Maggie Gyllenhaal was bent over her work desk, face unbelieving and bewildered, to receive a solid smack on the rear from her boss.
I wanted that more than anything.
Maybe it’s a need to feel a little naughty. Perhaps we enjoy the thrill of taking what used to be a punishment and spinning it for our pleasure. Whatever the reason, spanking has been the most approachable form of dominance and submission since time immemorial. It may even be the perfect introduction to exploring dynamics in your relationship.
To delve a little further we should know, what exactly makes a good spanking, and why is it worth trying?
Tension
A spanking is not about simply giving a few thwacks on the backside and calling it foreplay. No, there are factors to this play that can begin long before hand meets cheek.
The building up of tension, of a potential “behavior that must be corrected”, can be a wonderful form of preparation that allows us a little anticipation.
Build up the scenario. Maggie as a secretary snuck typos into her work to be punished, and they used a protocol of bending over a desk. What if you created your own rituals around spanking, a superficial reason for “discipline”? Each step could be one tingly signal that you’re closer to being bare-bottomed and gasping.
The reason why this functions so well for introductory play is that all parts of the scene can be adapted to fit your life. What are you being spanked for? How should you receive corrective measures? Do you get a warning, or is it sudden? The inspiration for each of these is already waiting for you in your normal routine.
Delving deeper into kink can mean the introduction of tools, skills and furniture that can dent the schedule and the wallet, but anybody can budget time for a little naughty swat or two.
Pacing
I have a friend whose bottom blooms like a rose whenever she is spanked. Within seconds she is a lovely pink, and I could practically fry an egg on her butt after 15 minutes of good wholesome impact.
Me? Getting a rise out of my skin can be a 2-hour affair with various implements and usually enough noise to alert the neighbors.
Everybody’s pacing for impact play is different, and I adore spanking because of the control it gives us over the process. If you were to use a cane or whip on an object, would you be able to say how hard you struck it? Would you be able to anticipate how much sensation it would cause if it had been against the skin? Could you repeat that exact level of strength and accuracy?
If you’ve answered yes to all of these questions, please contact me — I’d like to give you my number.
The danger that lies in playing with implements and toys we don’t have control over is clear. Yet when people want to start trying impact play at home, they often take a trip to the adult toy store and buy a flogger with some cute detail on the handle and consider that a beginner impact toy.
A little hint: There’s no such thing as a “beginner” impact toy! They all take practice, accuracy, and skill.
The human hand is amazing. Why? Because it’s connected to you. This means it gives you control and feedback. You feel every strike you give. This is such an underrated and underutilized tool for budding kinksters that I can’t scream it into enough BDSM 101 classes. Use! Your! Hands!
Butts require warm-ups, and warm-ups require control. If you begin your spanking session by seeing how hard you can smack an ass, it’ll be over in 5 minutes and you likely won’t hear a request for a second round. Moving from gentle to firm to hard takes time, and the hand will always let you know just how hard you’re going.
Creativity
If I were to equate spanking to an instrument, I would call it the piano.
The piano is regarded in the music world as a highly linear — unlike others, notes can’t be bent in the direction of a scale. Every tone is set fast, every key will sound the same whenever you strike it. It’s called the “well-tempered clavier” for a reason — it’s tempered past the point of changing how it sounds.
And yet, the range and ability of music that we can hear on the piano is so immense, you could find a new style or emotion with every piece you hear.
Spanking is, at its core, simply striking a bottom with a bare hand. But it is so much more than that. As the player of piano, the skill and variation of spanking can be as boring and straightforward as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or as complex and wonderful as the Moonlight Sonata’s third movement.
Is your spanking sensual? Cruel? Playful and flirty? Do you change the tempo, allow for breathers, spank the same spot over and over or change it up and surprise them? Do you whisper words of encouragement while you spank, or dirty little things to make them know you’re teasing?
If spanking were always hard and never varied in tempo, it would be an abysmal thing for me. I’m sure some people out there could enjoy such a thing, but the artistry of the person spanking me counts more for the scene than just the sensation. How would you like to spank or be spanked? Play that ambiance out in real life. It’s not just bending them over your knee. You are telling an entirely seductive story. Make the details interesting.
Connection
When a friend of mine is called a good boy while being spanked, he melts like ice cream in August. The sweet, tender moments between the difficulty of receiving his penance is his favorite part. When he’s allowed to be completely vulnerable to his partner, the exchange between them is beautiful.
Another likes derogatory words — whore and slut are amongst her favorite — and enjoys the manhandling and roughness when she’s having her hide tanned. The raw, primal way that she takes a good smackdown is absolutely frenzying, and anybody who is watching could get riled up just from being in proximity to the play.
The way we connect with our partners in bed is as diverse as there are individual people, and no two people will connect in exactly the same way. But changing up the many ways we connect with a person allows us a deeper exploration of every side of them.
If your loving, gentle S.O. proved to be a commanding force when they’re topping a spanking, would it not be thrilling to learn this side of them? What if your powerhouse of a partner winds up being a wonderfully willing submissive when bent over your knee? Whatever you find together in this new and different space is another facet of your partner and yourself.
What if you’re playing with someone you don’t know well? Then you get the opportunity to allow each other true freedom. Without any sort of predetermined idea of somebody’s life, story, and character, they’re free to be literally anybody. And so are you.
There are so many things you can learn through the exploration of pain, pleasure, domination, and submission, that I can’t even begin to go into detail. But in terms of risk versus reward, spanking can be the bit of spice you need as you dip your toes into the hot whirlpool of kinky fun there is available to you.
Just remember — be safe, sane, and consensual. And most of all, be yourself.
