Why We Chose a Monogamish Marriage
We threw away the rule book to redefine fidelity
KATE: It doesn’t take a genius to recognize that the ideal of wedded bliss is broken. For years, marriage rates have been declining and divorce rates have been rising. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, national surveys indicate that 35 percent of married women and 45 percent of married men have had sexual and/or emotional affairs.
In her book Mating in Captivity, psychotherapist Esther Perel wrote, “despite the fact that monogamy is a ship sinking faster than anyone can bail it out, we continue to cling to the wreckage with absolute faith in its structural soundness” (Mating in Captivity).
Religious leaders, self-help authors, and well-meaning friends all have advice on how to keep marriages strong and faithful, but, recently, some voices on the fringes have been asking if the faithful part is essential. What if the problem with marriage isn’t communication style, money or kids (the things we usually blame)? What if the problem is the expectation to be monogamous when we, as a species and a society, don’t seem to be well-suited to it?
LIAM: I guess that’s the big question for most people who think about this issue: is monogamy a struggle because it isn’t natural, or is it a struggle because…
