Some people think there’s something wrong with using lube.
There is shame around needing to use it, and shame around wanting to use it.
I think it comes from the idea that if the female body is aroused enough, it should be producing sufficient natural lubrication for enjoyable sexy times.
On the surface, it sounds logical enough.
I mean, that’s exactly what our sexual organs are designed for, right? To do what they need to do to give us pleasure.
Problem is, there’s more at play here.
We are so far removed from natural in every aspect of our life.
Perhaps if we lived closer to nature, fully connected to the earth and our bodies, things would be different.
Maybe then, our bodies would respond perfectly “as they should”.
Most of us, though, live quite removed from our natural environment. Almost every aspect of our daily living is obscured by the ways that civilization has shaped us. From where we live, through the clothes on our skin, the shoes we wear, the posture we’re in most of the day, the food we eat, and all the way to what we think we should and shouldn’t be doing. And don’t get me started on the unnatural chemicals we stuff into our bodies in the form of the air we breathe, the processed food we consume, medicine, make-up, hygiene products, cleaning products, etc, etc, etc…
Of course, sex is also part and parcel of that package.
The way we do sex is, more often than not, the way we were conditioned to believe sex needs to be done.
And we expect our body to naturally respond to arousal on cue. With ample amounts of lubrication.
Well, guess what? Our bodies are out-of-whack. And we shouldn’t be surprised when the natural lubrication of our body is not aligned with the timing we wish to be involved in sex.
This is not just about lube, by the way.
It’s been well documented that both men and women can have a mismatch between self-reported arousal and genital measures of sexual arousal. In other words, sometimes we don’t feel aroused but our bodies have an arousal reaction, and vice versa: sometimes we can feel aroused but our bodies don’t join the party.
This phenomenon even has a name — arousal non-concordance. I wrote about it here.
Equipped with this knowledge, no one should ever feel shame or inadequacy for not having enough, or any, natural lubrication.
What if I used to be more naturally lubricated and now I’m not? Is there anything wrong with me?
Even if you live as close to nature as anyone possibly can, living a minimalist, purist lifestyle, your lubrication would still change with your natural life rhythms.
A perfectly fit and healthy woman’s hormones change with her cycle, with age, and also with different phases of her sexually-active relationship. (I’m not mentioning hormonal medication as this is not ‘natural’ enough for our purist example).
One can conclude that some women feel more naturally lubricated in some instances and less in others.
So it’s completely normal to be more lubricated close to ovulation, for example. Or at the start of a relationship.
It is normal. And you are normal if it happens to you.
So we’ve established that the amount of lubrication your body produces is not — I repeat, not — an indication of your arousal levels.
On top of that, having more lubrication than what is required rarely does damage (unless you use the wrong type of lube. I’ll get to that later).
Extra lubrication actually feels super-duper nice.
The right type of lube makes things just so much more pleasurable that even if you have enough natural lubrication, adding a bit more is actually fun.
Why should we feel uncomfortable adding pleasure to sex — it’s supposed to be all about pleasure anyway, right?
So it’s established. Lube is good. Use lube whenever you want.
Which lube should you use?
Now the question remains, which type of lube.
There’s oil-based vs silicone-based vs water-based, all with their pros and cons.
Without getting into all the nitty-gritty details, each lube needs to be considered based on how you have sex.
Basically, oil ones are a no-no if you’re using condoms; silicone ones are a no-no if you’re using them with silicone-based sex toys; water-based ones tend to dissipate relatively quickly.
So it’s important to use the right type for you
Personally, I’m a natural type of woman.
And my consumerism is a reflection of that.
I usually choose organic, fair-trade, environmentally friendly products. And cruelty-free if possible. Even when it comes to my sex life.
A dab of pure coconut oil can go a long way and I often apply some externally after my shower and before having sex.
But, as mentioned earlier, oil-based lubrication can damage condoms. As a conscious consumer, I’m in the market for the most natural, non-toxic, environmentally friendly, social-aware, animal-loving company to buy from.
Fortunately, we live in an era where such products are easy to find.
More and more companies are joining this new revolution of caring not just about profit, but also about the eco-system that is sometimes referred to as our planet.
I would give you my preferred brand, but I’d be accused of promoting them, and that would be right, as I am also an affiliate, and we don’t want any subjectivity to obscure this article.
So I’ll leave it to you to do your research and find the company that makes the best lube, which also aligns with your personal values.
Just stop with that shaming, and start using lube freely and joyfully.