Why You Should Have a Sex Agenda
Jotting down a confidential appointment on the schedule between work meetings and visiting the dentist is just what some couples need to spice up their sex lives
At first glance, it seems a cold and forced solution. Still, those who see how sexual encounters are reduced due to stress, because the responsibilities of the home have overwhelmed them, because of the dedication required to care for children or other family members, even for having numerous social commitments, maybe they should try it. It might surprise you.
In fact, it is one of the favorite options of sexologists for cases in which the lack of desire is not the leading cause that sex is scarce in the couple. The strategy is called sexual agenda and consists of looking for a space to plan the week to be intimate with the couple, establishing the place, date, and time. Literally.
That the prescription of this ultra-organized and optimized version of the classic ‘Saturday, Saturday’s comes from a specialist provides confidence but does not prevent the idea from causing rejection.
After all, how is it possible to program something that should come naturally? The therapist and sexologist Inma Ríos explains: “We place a lot of value on spontaneity in our sexual relationships. It seems that the best encounters we remember arose unexpectedly. We have the faith that, without doing anything, the time will come to enjoy an extraordinary experience again… In this way, we make it a pleasure to be enjoyed very seldom and by chance.”
The truth is that pretending that everything will come by magic, as it seems to happen at the beginning of a couple of relationships, can be a way to doom your sex life.
The also sexologist Irene Valverde insists that this strategy is perfect for those who do not have time to have an erotic encounter and invites not to consider the cold pages of the plan as an impediment, as we do with other things, such as dining with friends: “We spent the day planning; the food we are going to make, the clothes we will wear, the weekend trip … endless events scheduled, and, as far as sex is concerned, it was not going to be different.”
In a certain sense, what Valverde says is most logical; if you make an effort to make time to go to the cinema when the movie starts or to do the shopping before the fridge is empty, Why not find a place to have sex with your partner? Isn’t that what you usually do at the beginning of a relationship? Furthermore, why not turn the schedule into a pretext to add a little spice to the relationship?
Prepared meetings, with surprise, in a hotel…
The reluctance to this plan stems from the fact that “we tend to think that if we plan our sexual encounters, the magic is lost,” says Ríos. But, according to the expert, it is most likely that we are seriously wrong if we think like this. “The anticipation of the moment is already pleasant in itself. Keeping in mind that you will enjoy and prepare what will be done predisposes us for the moment. It activates our fantasies and feeds the libido,” he recalls for those who have forgotten the sensation.
Of course, for a scheduled sex session to be a memorable event, and appointments do not become a little more minor than obligations like visiting the dentist (which is not usually pleasant), it is essential to know how to plan the moment. Therefore, it is not only necessary to look for a gap in which both members of the couple anticipate that they will be relaxed, but “the duration must also be agreed, taking into account that this appointment is just as important as any other,” Valverde emphasizes.
You also have to take care of the details so that the experience is palatable. To achieve this, there is nothing better than planning the dynamics. The game can start before the match itself. The only barrier is a lack of imagination. “We can visit an erotic shop and select an accessory for that day,” suggests Valverde.
And he adds: “Each one can decide how to plan it. It can be agreed as a couple or set up meetings prepared by one member of the couple at a time, as a surprise,” even preparing something special like a date at a hotel. But, of course, it must be clear that this solution is not to comply quickly but to dedicate quality time to the couple when circumstances make it difficult.
And if despite all the effort, the thing does not finish flowing, there is no need to make a drama. You can always convert a sexual date into another to meet again, talk or enjoy a while hugging skin to skin. The important thing is to organize yourself and take time to become intimate with your partner, whether there are erotic relationships or not. “You can start with different rewarding activities that involve intimacy, laughter, and pleasure: massage, dance, caresses, bath or shower, dinner … and see how the moment unfolds,” concludes Ríos.
When we think about scheduling a routine as natural as sex, it is customary to doubt the various factors around us. There may be some discomfort at first, but over time it can become a typical routine in the lives of busy people.
While many couples are increasingly giving up sex because of the tiredness of everyday life, the alternative has become an option glimpsed by many. After all, having some time alone with your partner is precious and fundamental to a good relationship.
So all we can do is bet on the future, on a world where this can become possible, and that can help couples in moments like these, moments where we need to schedule a day to have sex.
Thanks for reading. Have a great day!