Writing Erotica Made me Better in Bed

Here’s why it’s my favorite hobby.

Claire Lowe
Nov 14 · 5 min read
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Photo by Womanizer WOW Tech on Unsplash

When I first started writing on Medium, I never thought I’d become an erotica writer.

It happened very naturally. On a casual night, I was scrolling down articles carelessly. None of them managed to catch my attention — I guess I was overly picky that day. Then, I saw a piece with a picture of a sexy lady.

It made me curious. I had never seen such a story on Medium: most articles are about self-improvement. Among those career-oriented articles, sex stood out for me.

I had no choice: I needed to read it.

To my surprise, I enjoyed the read, and I wanted more. After reading three pieces, I knew I had to try writing those stories as well. There was nothing to lose.

Half a year later, here I am, writing erotica multiple times per week as a hobby. It’s been an incredible journey, and I have learned tremendously. Not surprisingly, writing about sex has changed my sex life — for the better.

Here is how writing erotica has made me better in bed:

I Learned About my Intimate Desires

We all have our secret desires when it comes to sex. Whether we’re aware of them or not, it’s undeniable that we fantasize about our carnal instincts.

Writing erotica became a way to understand my preferences in bed. The blank page on my screen is where I express my most intimate — and live them through my characters. I learned that being in touch with your desires is fundamental in bed.

If you don’t discover what you like, no one else will do it for you.

This self-knowledge has other benefits as well. Once you know what you like, you will be able to voice your fantasies to your partner. Ultimately, those fantasies will be your best friend that helps you to escape the vanilla sex.

The writing was the first step towards experimenting with new things in bed. After learning my preferences, I started experimenting with new positions and even toys. In the end, I discovered new pleasure sources.

Don’t be afraid to speak up about your wishes — with the right partner, doing so can lead to a better experience. On the contrary, failing to do it may steal you from precious nights of love. And remember that you’re not alone: everyone has their secret desires as well.

I Let my Imagination Run Free

At this point, I say without hesitation that sex is not about penetration — it’s a complete experience. Moreover, part of this experience happens in our minds.

Through my writing, I have learned how to set my imagination free. It’s a safe space where I imagine whatever I want. With time, it became an exercise to fantasize about my character’s next sex adventures.

For sex to be good, we need to be in the right state of mind. That means being relaxed and feeling comfortable — and not worrying about the dirty dishes on the sink while we’re doing it.

The orgasm happens primarily in our minds. And imagination makes it more powerful.

There’s nothing wrong with letting your mind go free during sex. For instance, having sex in public makes me horny — sometimes, during the act, I imagine we’re in a different place, like a car or a forest.

Imagining different scenarios is entirely harmless — it doesn’t offend anyone. On the contrary, if it makes your orgasm more intense, then everyone wins.

I Became More Empathic

Sex is a multi-player game. Being connected to your partner makes a huge difference in the overall experience. That is why empathy is so important in sex.

Likewise, writing fiction is all about understanding people’s motivations and feelings. It forces you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes for a while. And I have to confess that becoming more empathic was an unexpected outcome of my writing.

For me, this skill has translated into real life as well. I’m not empathic only toward my characters but also to those around me. In a matter of weeks, I noticed a big difference in my sexual life.

Once I became more attentive to my partner’s reactions during sex, I learned how to react more effectively. Those reactions can be tricky to identify — a different look, a change in breathing, or goosebumps.

Even though a lot is going on during sex, try to identify those details next time. In most cases, they are a sign that you’re doing something right — or wrong. Either way, responding correctly to your partner’s reactions makes it more enjoyable for everyone.

It’s a simple exercise that gives excellent results.

I Feel Empowered

Among the many benefits of writing erotica, my favorite one is that it makes me feel empowered.

Writing erotica is like taking the matter into my own hands. In my stories, I have the power to do whatever I want — having sex with as many people as I want, exploring a wide variety of places and partners, and coming as many times as it pleases me.

This change of mindset had clear consequences in my behavior.

In bed, I noticed that I became more confident. When I first became sexually active, I used to be ashamed of my body — I felt overweight and not sexy. Writing erotica and, in a way, advising my characters helped me to accept my body, which improves sex tremendously.

Besides, I started to masturbate more often. Those intimate moments make me feel like the queen of the world. It may be selfish, but I enjoy masturbating because it’s all about me. There’s no one else to consider — only my pleasure. It became almost a self-care routine.

I became the owner of my pleasure — I don’t depend on anyone else to come. Likewise, you shouldn’t underestimate your pleasure. Being confident enough to fulfill your own needs is a great skill.

It feels empowering, and, from my experience, it increases the overall happiness with life.

Even if you don’t write erotica, there are many things you can learn from it. The benefits of such hobbies go beyond improving my writing skills — it helped me reflect on what sex truly means. It’s about understanding your preferences, becoming confident, and getting creative in bed. But if I had to name one major takeaway from writing erotica, it is the following: sex is always a unique experience as long as you are open to it.

Translating those lessons to my sex life was a great experience so far. It is a transformation in my mindset that has significant consequences in my behavior — and, of course, in my pleasure.

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Claire Lowe

Written by

I’m a writer and a feminist. I explore sexuality and relationships.

Sexography

Conversations about sex from all around the world

Claire Lowe

Written by

I’m a writer and a feminist. I explore sexuality and relationships.

Sexography

Conversations about sex from all around the world

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