You Can Still Enjoy Sex Even If You Have Endometriosis
Endometriosis doesn’t have to be the end of your sex life.
Many women diagnosed with endometriosis develop an aversion towards sex, and no one can really blame them. The regular flare-ups, explosive ovulations, and crippling menstruations don’t sound like alluring foreplay to anyone. The aversion towards sex comes out of fear: fear of the pain, fear of something else going wrong, and the stress over the (in)ability to satisfy a partner. This fear needs to be moved aside because you not only can have great sex, but science says you should!
The key to good endo sex is the same as the key to all good sex: communication. When I was in high school, one of our teachers said to us that if we were too embarrassed to buy condoms, we weren’t ready for sex. I find this applies here, too: if you’re not ready to tell your partner about your endometriosis, you’re not ready to have a partner yet. Which is also totally ok. It takes a while to accept the illness for what it is and to learn to live with it. There’s no shame in not being ready to share. After all, the endo sex talk is a bit tougher than admitting you like to be choked.
If you are ready to jumpstart your sex life, your partner needs to understand your condition — on a practical level, not just theoretical. Anyone can google what endometriosis is, but no one knows what it does to your body but you. What I mean by this is…
Do you have an ovary that’s giving you particular trouble? Does a penis going into the general direction of said ovary feel like a knife? Then kindly inform the penis holder to aim for another angle.
Is there a certain position that makes you scream in a really, really bad way? Tell your partner it’s off the table.
Do you sometimes bleed during or after sex? You gotta tell them this, for everybody’s sake.
Can you not have penetrative sex at all? Tell them, and see if they are up for a relationship without it.
You may be a naturally shy and traditional person, but endometriosis will make you get creative if you’re after the fireworks. There’s never been a better time to explore your kinks than a time when traditional sex is difficult. Toys, outfits, anal stimulation, role play, sex parties — since the beginning of the human race, we’ve been coming up with ways to orgasm, so no, you haven’t tried it all. Be open-minded; you’d be surprised what you may find out about yourself.
Don’t give up on sex, because an orgasm is one of the most powerful experiences you can have — not just because of the pleasure, but because of its numerous health benefits, all very important to people with endometriosis. While you orgasm, the brain releases dopamine (the happy hormone), oxytocin (the stress reducing chemical) and endorphins (the feel good hormones). People who suffer from endometriosis have been scientifically linked with depression and anxiety, and these hormones help naturally soothe these conditions. Physically, during an orgasm the muscles of your vagina, uterus and anus contract — sounds painful, and sometimes it is. But, after the cramp, pleasure takes over as you start releasing vast quantities of the “good vibes” hormones. Brain activity slows down, and the stress and anxiety, as well as the pain, start fading as they stop being fueled. Finally, you enter a phase of full restfulness and total relaxation. Any person with chronic illness knows how rare and precious these moments are.
Still quite controversial, but orgasming during childbirth has shown to make labor much easier — the orgasm functions as an analgesic. Yes, this does entail genital stimulation while you give birth. More to the point: as we now know that endometriosis menstrual cramps are measured to be as strong as early labor cramps (with very similar biological mechanisms behind them), an obvious conclusion is that orgasming does the same for both cramping situations. Orgasming while cramping will reduce the pain in both cases.
Am I telling you to grab a vibrator when you feel a flare-up coming? Absolutely.
Am I telling you to ask your partner how they feel about stimulating your clitoris on your bad endo days? Absolutely.
Am I telling you to push your luck and see if your partner wants to play with your clitoris while you menstruate and feel like you’re on your deathbed? Absolutely yes.
Of course — be mindful of your partner as well. As you open up, encourage them to open up, too. They might surprise you. Be willing to give as much as you take, and to hear them out as much as you demand to be heard. Having a flat-out discussion like this might not be the most romantic thing ever, but it’s a doorway to a world of pleasure.
A lot of people with endometriosis are very afraid of starting new relationships because they fear how their potential partner will react. It’s a legitimate fear. But as fear of rejection goes — this is always a possibility. It might hurt, but it’s better to get it out in the open early on, before you fall down the rabbit hole. If they can’t get along with your endo, they simply can’t get along with you.
