11 Things I Learned About Asses
The genius behind ‘Sexplanations’ left me feeling reASSured
Spring has finally sprung, and you know what that means! It means the Tennessee Volunteers just wrapped up their annual Sex Week, a week of comprehensive sex education that is better known by Fox News as seven days of taxpayer-funded debauchery (Sorry, kids; it’s not funded by taxpayer dollars, and there are no orgies). As a former organizer of this fantastic week of programming, I have attended more sexplanatory lectures over the past few years than I can count. Each year, I think that maybe I have learned all there is to learn about sex, but each year, I’m wrong! Unfortunately, I got sick and was only able to attend one event this year. Naturally, I chose the event that crossed a line* for the Tennessee state legislature and no doubt contributed to Franklin Graham’s Facebook tirade: “Butt Stuff 2.0: The Pegging.” As a pegging enthusiast, I went into the event skeptical that I had much left to learn about the topic. How wrong I was!
*This article is absolutely hilarious and hard-hitting, and you MUST read it.
There to help me strap in (or on) and get my learn on was Dr. Lindsey Doe, a knowledgeable, accessible, and personable sex educator who is best known for her wildly popular Sexplanations channel on YouTube.
Although I run in sex education circles and had heard her name dropped more than once, I’m embarrassed to say I had never actually watched one of her videos before attending this talk. Despite my unfamiliarity with her work, I soon felt like Dr. Doe was a close friend. She introduced her talk with a personal story about her first time with sex, immediately building trust with the audience. Her nonchalant attitude toward the relatively-taboo topic of anal sex put the audience at ease in a way that is rare at Sex Week events. She then allowed the audience to choose which video of hers they wanted to watch, and they overwhelmingly chose eating ass.
Dr. Doe chuckled and commented on the surprising sexual proclivities of Tennesseans. She then explained some anatomy and opened up the floor for a casual, Q&A-format discussion, and that is where the real learning began! I learned so much new information that my friend and I were consistently looking at each other in wide-eyed awe. That was the night I learned 11 new things about asses, and now I am sharing them with you, in no particular order. Because everyone deserves the hole truth, and nothing butt the truth*.
*Editor’s note: All right, Summer, pack your shit and get out. You know the pun policy...
1. Start out dry
Every time I’ve learned about anal sex, I’ve always been bombarded by messages of LUBE LUBE LUBE. The anus is a fairly dry cavity and is extremely prone to tears, and so it seems intuitive to use as much lubricant as possible. I have never hesitated to preach the gospel of lube myself, especially because some of my first partners pressured me into anal play without it. Needless to say, that was painful. However, Dr. Doe enlightened the Sex Week audience with a really important trick: if your anus is too wet at first, your body will think it is leaking! The anus will then clench up and make it more difficult to relax and get to play time. Dr. Doe recommended placing a dry finger on the entrance of the anus for a couple minutes before lubing up. This lets your body know that something is coming in to play, but there is no leakage to be found! Who knew?
2. Clench it before you cinch it
Like number one, number two (no pun intended) sounds pretty counterintuitive. Before we engage in any anal play, we want our asshole to be relaxed, so it wouldn’t cross our mind to clench up. However, Dr. Doe recommends asking your partner to clench their asshole as tightly as possible for a couple minutes. In a moment, your anus will automatically start to relax, since it can’t hold its clenched position for too long. The same effect happens when trying to hold a tight fist for a long time. Not buying it? Give it a try!
3. It’s all about control
When engaging in anal play, Dr. Doe reminded us that it’s important to remember that we have two anal sphincters: one that we can control, and one that we cannot. The internal anal sphincter is completely involuntary; it has a mind of its own, and you are powerless to stop it. The external anal sphincter can be controlled. You can relax and contract it at will. You have to get buy-in from both sphincters to get the most out of anal play, so use Dr. Doe’s tips to get your mind and body on the same page!
4. Take a dump, size it up?
This is perhaps the grossest of the new facts I learned at Sex Week. It makes sense that what goes in must come out, right? Such is the method of choosing an instrument for anal play. When choosing a size of dildo, plug, or finger, Dr. Doe says, it’s best to use the size of your poop as a measuring tool! For “little squirts,” Dr. Doe recommends a pinkie finger or a much smaller toy. For “big dumps,” you can upsize. In general, Dr. Doe reminded us that we should always keep an eye on our bowel movements and gastrointestinal health to determine if we are in the clear for anal play. Problems like diarrhea or constipation may signal a need for a diet change or other intervention before you strap it on.
5. U-strap in a what?
A U-strap or a Feeldoe is basically a strap-on without a harness*. These toys have a separate appendage that is typically inserted into the vagina, allowing the pegger to get some sensation for themselves and control the toy in a different way. My mind was blown when Dr. Doe informed us that U-straps can also be held into place by the anus! This might take a lot of practice…
Editor’s note: I’ve always heard them called ‘strapless strap-ons,’ which is oxymoronic, but makes sense. We’ve got a big, anthology article coming down the pike dealing with the Tantus Feeldoe and other game-changing, all-time-great sex toys. Watch for it!
6. Dam it!
Does anal sex freak you out? Maybe it’s because of hair, bacteria, or just the smell or taste of ass. Dr. Doe reinforced the role of dental dams in anal play, particularly for anilingus. Although I have been familiar with dental dams for a while, I never thought of the specific benefits that Dr. Doe mentioned: they can eliminate the need for grooming or make you feel less self-conscious about your back door. They can also increase sensation for the receiving partner when used with lube. Most interestingly, I learned that dental dams can be made out of gloves, condoms, or other household items. Refer back to Dr. Doe’s eating ass video, and get crafty.
7. Strap on the gender roles!
Although I think I knew this about pegging, I had never heard it put into words before. At the beginning of her talk, Dr. Doe emphasized that pegging is one of the few sexual acts that is explicitly gendered. It is typically a cisgender woman fucking a cisgender man in the ass with a strap-on. She explained that if a trans man were using a strap-on to fuck a cis man, that would be called gay sex. Pegging is arousing partially due to its reversal of traditional gender roles, and it can be more of a mental activity than a physical one, especially for the woman doing the pegging.
8. Third time’s a charm!
Dr. Doe talked at length about the taboo of anal sex. She quoted a psychologist who posited that you could get rid of a taboo by facing it head-on three times. Dr. Doe encouraged the audience to touch our assholes three times, perhaps in three different settings (shower, bed, etc.), to gain exposure. It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3!
9. No time for essays
As with any sex act, communication is key to a good experience. Because the asshole is so sensitive, Dr. Doe warned against using ball gags or other types of restraints during anal play, at least until you trust your partner and feel comfortable with each other’s bodies. She recommended asking quick yes or no questions, such as “slower?” or “deeper?” This allows the receiving partner to focus on their pleasure, give quick feedback, and eliminates the need for a long-winded speech or an instruction manual.
10. Turn it in, turn it on
The body is an amazing and complex thing. As I have mentioned, Dr. Doe discussed numerous ways to get the asshole opened up and ready to play. One simple way is to turn the feet inward, with the toes facing each other. This simple anatomical trick can lead to a lot more fun!
11. Slow and steady wins the race
Like the pat your head and rub your tummy trick, we seem to let our bodies sync with certain rhythms and speeds during sex. When hand jobs and anal play are going on at the same time, for instance, we tend to thrust into the anus at the same rate that our partner is stroking their cock. However, Dr. Doe warned against this; the penis can take a lot more force and speed than the anus can. As always, make sure you communicate with your partner before speeding up, and avoid falling into patterns without being intentional. The body is a complex thing, and each part deserves love!
Well, that’s all 11! I am glad I was able to share with you even a small glimpse of what this incredible week is like. Sex Week has been an incredibly formative experience for me, and I am so grateful to all of the current students who are making sure it carries on in the face of immense political pressure. Keep on keepin’ on, Sex Weekers. You just might save somebody’s ass.
