5 common-sense sex education tips that can make you a better lover
Pleasure & Sex Education work hand in hand
Sex education is important not only for our health (avoiding diseases, unwanted pregnancy, etc.), but for our well-being (pleasure, satisfaction, intimacy) as well. Everyone should be able to enjoy sex in a way that makes them feel good, and that often requires a safe, nurturing space for expression and exploration. Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to sex and what they enjoy, and learning and exploring can be a rewarding experience, if handled with care. Here are some sex-education-based tips for better sex, and a better life:
1. Pay attention to your partner’s needs
Ask your partner what they like and don’t like — it’s a great way to avoid awkward conversations down the line. It’s worth noting that no one involved in your relationship is likely to a mind reader. So ask! And get in the habit of asking! If it is no big deal to discuss fetishes, kinks, erogenous-zone tactics and everything else sexual, then those things will get discussed, and it can even be fun. I’m not talking about just during sexual intercourse either. Not only should you ask, you should also usethat knowledge to make things better for your partner.
Consent is also key! If someone says no, it means no and they can revoke consent whenever they want.
2. Learn about safer sex methods
Condoms (internal and external), dental dams, and lube are some great supplies for safer sex. Dental Dams are a great barrier method for oral sex while lube is great for preventing friction which could cause tears in the vagina and anus. Condoms are great for preventing pregnancy and STIs and are a very popular safer sex method. Non latex options are also available for people with latex allergies.
3. Pay attention to YOUR needs
Paying attention to your partner’s body and preferences is important but paying attention to yourself is important too! If you don’t like something or you’re in pain, let your partner know. It’ll make sex more enjoyable and safer. Unexpected pain is your body’s way of saying something’s wrong so definitely listen to it!
4. Being comfortable with the person (people) you’re with
If you’re not comfortable with the person you’re with or the environment you’re in, sex won’t be enjoyable for anyone. It’s okay to let your partner know that you’re not comfortable doing something that they want to do. Having that conversation before sex would be helpful too. Everyone has different interests when it comes to sex but if there is something you don’t feel right about, don’t do it.
5. Being present and being honest
Sex isn’t fun when one is all spaced out and completely in another place. Try to rid yourself of distractions before engaging in sex. If you’re distracted, neither of you can enjoy it!
Sex also isn’t fun if you’re lying about how you feel i.e. Don’t fake it! If you don’t like something, be honest! It might feel counterintuitive, but you can actually spare someone’s feelings that way in the long run.
Comprehensive sex-education is something really important that I believe we all need. It teaches one to be safe, attentive and respectful of their own and others’ bodies. When we’re taught about sex and pleasure in an educational way, we can have a better time. Information is a lot easier to find now than it has been in the past. Here is a great guide on finding information about sex:
Of course, it’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s a good place to start. Sex doesn’t have to be something that’s taboo or dirty*. It’s natural and should be fun for everyone.
*editor’s note: I would go so far as to say: not only does sex not HAVE to be taboo or dirty, but it has to NOT be those things. Emphatically, sex and sexuality are not dirty, weird, taboo, disgusting, shameful. That’s sex-positivity, and we think it’s vital to having productive discussions about everything from our own sexual selves to national policy and global human rights.
