To: the friend I used to slut shame

From: your friend who wasn’t always so sex positive

Published in

The Sex-Positive Blog

4 min readFeb 20, 2018

I remember the summer we met. We were five years old, and found out we would be attending school together. We immediately became inseparable.

We would run down the up escalator and up the down escalator until the staff yelled at us to stop. We would play outside all day, then come inside and gossip and laugh. I remember that time you taught me how to ride a bike on the “easy grass.” I remember that time you got stung by a bee so you covered your foot in mud. I also remember the end of fifth grade when you moved. We were still in the same state but it may as well have been another world.

We tried our best to keep in touch and even mailed each other letters for a while. Then we got cell phones and texted almost every single minute of every single day. We eventually started to drift as friends usually do and while I was still holding onto my innocence, you were kissing boys and doing other things. I wasn’t, because I was taught that that’s what “fast” girls do and I tried to stop you from being one of those “fast” girls. Eventually you went “all the way” and you told me expecting me to be there for you but I wasn’t. Instead I told you that having sex with multiple people meant you didn’t have any self respect. I clearly had hurt your feelings because you had told me what I said was mean. It was mean. This was years ago and we’ve since moved past it, but I still feel the need to apologize to you.

First off, I would actually like to start off with: I’m sorry.

Best friend, I’m sorry for the nasty things I said and the impact it had on you. You’ve always forgiven me, but I wish that we could have a conversation about this, talk through it now that we’re adults. I kinda wish you would tell me off, honestly. We know I deserve it. It took me a few years to get to the sex-positive mental space I occupy now, but nothing excuses my previous behavior. I’m writing this in hopes that you really have forgiven me and that I’ve also forgiven myself. I love you, and I had no right to impose my views on you.

Hanging out with you the past few days like old times had me thinking about the old times and thinking about what I said. I think about it every so often and every time I think about it, I cringe.

I no longer believe what I used to believe about sex, nor do I slut shame and tell people they ‘don’t have any self respect.’ I’m sorry you had to be the one to deal with my bullshit. I am so grateful that we’ve still remained friends all these years. You’re a better person than I could ever hope to be. You’re kind, generous, forgiving and all of the good things in the world. I know now that more sex does not = less self-respect.

This is my long overdue letter to you, my best friend. The girl I’ve known since I was five who’s never stopped being my friend. I love you.