Debunking circumcision
Or: why it’s important to keep our boys intact
My son was two months old before my husband and I dared to eat at a restaurant with him. We were worried that a hangry (angry and hungry) baby would disturb the general public. At some point during the meal, my son got hungry, so I nursed him and returned to my meal. Before we finished, we decided it best to change his diaper before the drive home, so I hauled the giant diaper bag to the bathroom with my stinky baby, and proceeded to clean him. A middle aged woman who had been washing her hands stopped to see my son before exiting, and when she saw my son’s penis, she gasped. She asked when I planned to have his circumcision, before cutting me off by saying that it would have been better to do at birth.
I explained that I wasn’t planning on having it done. She continued peering over my child, and explained how a penis which isn’t circumcised is disgusting and ugly, and how no woman will ever want my son sexually. I couldn’t believe this stranger was commenting on my son’s penis in the first place! Was this really happening?!? I finished dressing my son and left the bathroom quickly before I blew up at this woman. Why exactly was my son’s penis any of her damn business?
When my son turned one, it was time for his next round of vaccines and his general well-child check-up to make sure he was hitting his developmental milestones. Our usual pediatrician was out on maternity leave, and they hired a new doctor to come in and see all of her patients while she was gone. He seemed nice enough, which made what happened next all the more shocking.
He flipped open my son’s diaper, which his regular doctor did at each checkup so I wasn’t surprised, but then he grasped my son’s penis and firmly retracted his foreskin, causing him to immediately scream in pain.
I grabbed my baby back, explaining that I was told never ever to retract an intact (non-circumcised) baby’s penis. He replied that I was wrong. He told us that intact boys are at a higher for infection and STDs, and that keeping boys intact is equivalent to child abuse. My jaw dropped to the ground! Let’s just say, I filed a report against him to my usual doctor, and then we found a new pediatrician who was knowledgeable on intact care.
While pregnant with my first baby, I was asked whether I had decided on circumcision. Being from Poland, and having dated many European men, I actually had more first-hand experience with intact men. I had never really thought whether I would do the procedure on my own son, though. I did my research. I asked friends with sons. I asked my friends who were doctors. I read medical literature from both the U.S. and Europe. That baby turned out to be a girl, which meant the talk of circumcision was over, but I had made up my mind already that if I ever had a boy I would leave him intact for a number of reasons:
- It is his body, and it should ultimately be his choice whether to permanently remove part of a healthy and functioning body.
2. I desperately wanted to breastfeed, and after speaking with many people, I learned that it is often harder to breastfeed the few days following a circumcision, and that is when the baby is building your milk supply. Does this mean you can’t breastfeed your circumcised baby? Not necessarily, but I personally didn’t want ANY hindrances.
3. I didn’t want my newborn son to feel pain his first few days in this world. Circumcision hurts! It’s removing a very tender, sensitive area, and babies’ options are limited when it comes to available and safe anesthesia, so they feel much more of the pain than an older child or adult typically would.
4. I am a bit lazy, and it is MUCH EASIER to clean an intact infant boy, than a circumcised one. You simply wash the penis as you would your finger. The foreskin is fused to the head of the penis, preventing any poop or yucky bacteria from getting up there during the diaper years, so there is very little work that needs to be done to keep him clean!
5. All major medical authorities report that there is not enough benefit to recommend universal routine infant circumcision. And we do not have any religious or cultural beliefs that would justify it.
6. I do not believe in cutting off a healthy organ in order to prevent the possibility of it developing health issues later in life. We rarely cut out a healthy appendix or a healthy gallbladder, or even healthy breast tissue because it could become cancerous or have a medical emergency at some point. Possibly!
7. We would be appalled if people in our country were routinely ‘circumcising’ baby girls at birth. But it’s okay for boys.* In my family, we will leave all of our children intact as infants. If they wish to remove healthy skin as an adult, then that is their right, as it is their body. My job as their mother is to keep them healthy and safe until they reach maturity and adulthood. All of them.
*Editor’s note: There’s a long and well-documented record of why these are not one-to-one parallels, of course, but it’s food for thought. I’d also love to see some data on intact men being quote-unquote ‘undesirable,’ because that doesn’t ring true.
Circumcision is a hotly debated topic in the United States. My advice to new parents is to research all you can. Don’t just accept the cultural norm, and feel free to do what you truly think is best for your child.
