We should all treat consent like this researcher
Putting a consent policy down on paper isn’t the jokey, ‘where-will-it-all-end’ punchline it used to be — nor should it be
Editor’s note: After a pleasant conversation by email with the researcher, specific information gleaned from the survey has been removed. For the missing context, I recommend taking the survey fully and then returning to this page when finished [02.26.2018]
Click the link below to take the survey. You should take it if you identify as a sexual minority and wish to help establish empirically-based approaches to improving sexual minority health.
At this point, everyone who isn’t a cis-white-male (no offense, CWMs) probably knows that rape is a problem (#RapeCulture), though to what extent still surprises a lot of people.
As the Content Strategist for Mystiq, I have a very interesting email inbox. It’s a definite perk of the job, and it’s not unusual to receive cool offers to participate in research studies like this one, either from the researcher or from an enterprising friend or follower by email.
I took the survey, because I love data and I love having my opinion be heard, counted and acted upon. If you’re like me, I encourage you to do the same. More data!
But what caught my attention was the ‘fine print’ material at the front-end of the survey, and the message it was communicating to potential participants.
[Image removed at owner’s request][Quotes, too, so if you haven’t read the text from the survey, it’s about to get pretty weird]
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They want your decision about whether or not to participate in this study to be voluntary. That’s a paradigm-shifter, in terms of consent. Think about it:
If everyone in the world felt that way about sexual partners, there would be no rape, no sexual assault, no ‘blurred lines’ or debate or controversy. We would all want the same thing, and that same thing would violate nobody’s rights or agency.
The problem is that we live in this world, and we don’t all want the same thing. Some of the things people (rapists) want for/from one another are so awful and heinous that we have to — as a group — protect ourselves from one another. And to do that, we have to acknowledge that rape is a problem, it happens far, far too much and is dealt with far, far too little — acknowledge that there are many people out there who want the worst for one another and currently enjoy an implicit societal sanction to sexually predate.
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I like the idea of proactivity here. If they find something else out, in the course of doing their work and living their lives, they feel it is their responsibility to reach out and make you aware of it if there’s even just the chance it might affect your decision in some way.
How would that look in regards to sexual consent? Maybe you and your current partner haven’t had the talk about exclusivity/other partners, and you hook up with someone else. Putting this kind of principle into action might be reaching out and informing them (casually, but not glibly) before the next time sex is about to happen, so they can factor it into their consent-calculus without the pressure of arousal and the expectations of a physically-present partner.
Do you and your partner usually not use condoms, probably because your partner is under the impression you two are monogamous and you’re actually not? Maybe the second you have this thought or suspicion, you go immediately to your partner and say, ‘hey, I remember you saying ______, and it made me think that maybe I haven’t been communicating well, or we’re not quite on the same page about ____.’
Be proactive.
Rights as a Research Participant: It is OK for you to say NO. Even if you say YES now, you are free to say NO later, dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Sed iaculis pellentesque augue, non porttitor purus dapibus rhoncus. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Integer bibendum sem turpis, at dapibus felis sollicitudin eu. Quisque blandit luctus.
That’s pretty dry, boilerplate legal(ish) copy, but I legitimately teared up reading it. I’m kind-of-close-to-crying right now just reading back over it. I guess I’m imagining a mother telling her daughter this, or a coach telling her team this or any of the human beings who could have benefitted from hearing this from someone before they were thrust into a terrible situation totally blind:
It is OK for you to say NO. Even if you say YES now, you are free to say NO later, and walk away at any time.
I learned something about consent from the ‘boring fine print’ in a survey from Old Dominion University (Go Monarchs!).
Look for opportunities to support others and protect their feelings and rights. They’re there.
And if you are responsible for a young person, and it’s appropriate for you to do so, please communicate this idea to them:
- It’s okay to say no
- Even if you say yes, it’s okay to then say no
- You can change from ‘yes’ to ‘no’ at any time, for any reason or no reason at all
I don’t have kids, and wouldn’t presume to tell you how to raise yours. But if someone put me in charge of some kids (please don’t), I would make sure that they understood those three points in as detailed and nuanced a fashion as possible. I would make certain they understood that, just as it applies to them always and under any circumstances, it applies to every other human being always and under any circumstances, including their sexual partners.
Exploring those ideas means being willing to have the conversations. Have them! And if you have a positive, uplifting or tough discussion about sexuality or consent, we want to support you and hear your story. Tell us about it in a response! Or don’t.
It’s always okay to say no.
