Let’s talk about (safe) sex, baby
So-called ‘female’ condoms, lube & sex toys demystified
Part of being a sex-positive individual (for me) is practicing safe, enjoyable sex. With sex being such a taboo topic, there aren’t many resources available teaching these kinds of things*. But don’t worry, friends! That’s what I’m here for. Stay tuned for tips.
Editor’s note: Be sure and check out our friends at O.school, too! They have terrific sexual education (#SexyEd) resources.
First, let’s talk about contraception. No, I don’t mean just condoms, but we can start with that. First and foremost, there are two type of condoms: External condoms and internal condoms. External condoms are the condoms we are all (hopefully) familiar with. They are used on a penis or sex toy. They are the most common form of contraception, and they are super easy to get. Schools give them out for free, as well as clinics like Planned Parenthood. So really, it’s not at all hard to find a condom.
Let’s move on to internal condoms. These are inserted inside of the body. These are mostly marketed as “female condoms” but I have learned to call them internal condoms because
- Not everyone who has a vagina identifies as female
- They can be used anally as well as vaginally.
Internal condoms look pretty much like a baggy external condom. They have two rings on each side to make it easier to insert into the body. The best thing about internal condoms is they can be inserted up to 8 hours before sex! If you feel stopping foreplay to put on an external condom is a little too much for you, insert the internal condom early on and you’ll be ready to go meet up with your lover.
Internal condoms are actually really hard to find considering they’re not really sold in drugstores like external condoms, but they can be bought online from from the FC2 website (they still call them “female” condoms so beware if that’s not really your thing). Internal condoms are also a lot more expensive than external condoms, so that’s also a thing to remember. Internal condoms are also sometimes given out for free at health centers and adult sex education centers (Like the CSPH!), especially at community events. Despite the gendered marketing that comes with them, I strongly believe internal condoms are worth the price.
Tip: Internal condom and external condoms are not to be used at the same time! The friction can cause them to break!
You know what else is good for making sure friction doesn’t happen? LUBE.
Lubrication (lube) is one of the most important parts of safe sex. There are silicone-based lubes, water-based, silicone-and-water hybrids, organic lubes, flavored lubes… the list goes on. Lubes are great for that slick feeling and making sure there is enough slip so that no one feels sore from the friction. Lube is great for anal and vaginal use (although I’d probably keep flavored lubes far away from my vagina… sugar and vaginas do not make a pretty pair!). Speaking of sugar, there is a little ingredient called glycerin that can be evil towards vaginas and their pH balances, so if you’ve got a sensitive vag, check and make sure that your lube doesn’t include this. Also, be wary of ingredients such as propylene glycol and parabens. If you want to be on the safe side, try some organic lubes. Just remember: lube is your friend.
Moving on to one of my favorite topics: SEX TOYS. You might wanna read what I have to say about your toys if you’re going to be putting them in your body! The government does not regulate the sex toy industry so it is very important to take caution.
First of all, I hope you’re cleaning your toys…
On most toys, like silicone and plastic, soap and water will do okay for cleaning, though an antimicrobial, foaming toy cleaner will kill viruses and other nasties that regular soap and water might miss. Silicone and ABS Plastic are some great, body safe materials for bodies. They are non-porous, which means they can be sterilized. Other body-safe materials include glass (like the kind your pyrex dishes are made out of) and stainless steel.
Tip: Be careful using silicone lube on silicone toys. It can sometimes break down the toy and make it sticky. Do a patch test first if you’re unsure.
Porous toys are toys that cannot be sterilized which means bacteria can hang out in the pores and wreak havoc if put back into your body. Materials such as polyvinyl chloride (PVC) and ‘jelly’ rubber are non porous toys. These toys are attractive because they’re usually priced affordably. If you already have toys such as these, don’t fret. Just slip a condom over them to be safe. Otherwise I would recommend staying away from these toys altogether. Also, any toys with string or rope cannot be sterilized either.
Now, before I send you off to have the safest sex of your life, there is one more thing about sex toys that I need to mention:
Please. PLEASE. Please, for the love of all that is sexy, do not stick a toy (or any item) up your butt without a proper base. Your butt is a vacuum and it will suck things right up and then you’ll have to explain to the E.R. doctors why you have a cucumber up your butt. They’ve seen it all, but let’s just avoid this embarrassment altogether.
When I say ‘base,’ I mean the end of the sex toy should be wider than the toy, or whatever you plan on sticking up your butt; this way it won’t get sucked irretrievably into your rectum. This is very important to remember, because the anus does not have a handy-dandy cervix to stop items from going any further up the body. The other end of your butt is your mouth, remember that.
Okay, lovely, sexy people. I hope I provided enough information to keep you safe and satisfied. Happy sexing!
