My Last Fuckable Day
Or: what society thinks about female sexuality is a lot of bullshit
I am what they refer to as a “woman of a certain age,” where popular culture and sociology supposes that I have left my fuckable years behind me.
I’m only 38, for fuck’s sake. I didn’t realize I was only allowed to shop at Chico’s after 35.
While there are many things that society gets wrong about sex and women, today, I’d just like to focus on one thing: the idea that my fuckability has an expiration date.
Take a look around: the world is full of gorgeous women of that “certain age” who’ve had no problem bedding younger men. So where does this bias for youth come from? There’s a portion of it that comes from evolutionary preferences. There’s also a more insidious origin: our culture’s fear of growing old. Without the understanding and appreciation of the benefits of aging, people tend to gravitate to things that make them feel young. Add into that the myth that older women don’t want sex, and what does this mean for my libido? Am I doomed to live all alone, with no one to love me, but my 40 cats?
Let’s get some science.
A 2010 study by the Indiana University of School of Public Health reports that women enjoy more and better orgasms after their mid 30’s. Why? Because we’ve learned how to do it, what works, and we know what to ask for. We are also more likely to speak up if our partner is doing something that’s not getting the job done.
In fact, sexual satisfaction on the whole increases after 45. But don’t think you’re done having sex when you’ve hit the retirement home. A study of older women found that, while sex drive and ability to orgasm decline from ages 50–79, there is a sharp uptick in those categories after hitting the big 8–0. It’s no wonder that nursing homes are having to deal with high rates of sexually transmitted diseases.
Men may also be less than honest with themselves — while they may prefer women in their early 20’s, they are actually having sex with women around their age. There’s also a portion of men who prefer the company of older women, such as Hugh Jackman and Emmanuel Macron. They cite the ease of communication, the self confidence and the experience (sexual and otherwise) that these women possess as being highly attractive.
If the science says otherwise, then why does the idea that fuckability has an expiration date persist? Well, there’s this little thing called the patriarchy, that touches every aspect of our lives with its ugly tendrils: our bodies, our careers, our clothes, our hobbies… even our lives are fodder for criticism and structuring to suit the male gaze. This affects men, too. There’s also an anti-aging industry that benefits, to the tune of $200-plus billion every year.
So, what do we do about it? Unfortunately, it’s going to take more than a pithy article with some sweet gifs to turn the tide on ingrained societal behaviors and a marketing powerhouse. It requires education and actions done everyday by people, just like you, on a consistent basis.
Are you looking for a first step? I’d like to recommend having sex*.
Editor’s note: Officially, though we’re definitely a sex-positive organization/publication (psst: it’s in the name), we don’t necessarily think just ‘having sex’ will be beneficial to your situation. Obviously, in context here, having good, satisfying sex would both please author, Elizabeth Anne Hamilton, and be a kind of ‘fuck you’ to the patriarchal systems & attitudes discussed in the article.
But it’s worth pointing out that we’re not advocating for sex-all-the-time-as-the-answer-to-everything, and bad sex can be as detrimental to sound mental health as good sex can be beneficial.
You’re all smart people. I’m sure you realized that, but I have to say these things, you know.
