Parts de deux
The benefits of mutual masturbation
Editor’s Note: This piece is part of our month-long celebration of #NationalMasturbationMonth! See here for a primer on the history of the celebration and why we at The Sex-Positive Blog believe it’s important to undo the stigma and shame surrounding self-pleasure.
Happy International Masturbation Month!
Can you believe I only heard about this last year? You would think with all the interest I have in sex that I’d have heard about it before then. Before this, all I knew about was Steak & Blowjob day, which I thought was pretty crappy since it:
- Assumes all men like steak and/or blowjobs
- Assumes that all couples are heterosexual, or at least, one part flowers-and-candy to one part steak-and-BJs
- Insinuates that you’re owed something because you did something nice a month prior
- Is a rip-off of White Day.
But we’re not here to talk about that. We are here to talk about masturbation. More specifically, how masturbation can help make your sexual relationships more fulfilling when you bring your partner in on the fun.
Mutual masturbation, where you and a partner masturbate with each other, is a great way to learn about what turns each of you on. It’s not only a great tool to see what sort of touch you each enjoy, but there’s also a lot of other benefits to it as well.
Learning your Partner’s Signals
It’s easy for people to assume that you have the same kinds of signals for ‘yes’ and ‘no’ as others they’ve been with, because that’s just human nature, but that’s rarely the case. The slight intake of breath when you touch someone could either be from excitement or from, ‘oh no, don’t do that!’; you might never know the difference unless they tell you or you ask.
Since there are so many ways to position bodies in mutual masturbation, virtually any view of your partner is possible, meaning you can see both erogenous zones and facial/body reactions in real time.
This isn’t a replacement for conversation, so you should still take time to communicate what is and isn’t good to your partner. This can reinforce and magnify that nonverbal communication that will also be taking place. Mm!
Relaxing in the Presence of Others
Being naked in front of people, even ones you want to be naked with, isn’t always easy. There’s still a lot of shame related to sex, nakedness and sexuality, and people tend to come with their own bodily and sexual insecurities by the time you meet them.
Mutual masturbation gives both partners a chance to be exposed to one another, and ease a bit of the anxiety you might have about their reaction before adding the extra pressure of more performance-heavy sex acts. This is perfect for anyone that might be a little shy about themselves, but still want to engage with their partner in a sexual, physical manner, as you only have to remove enough clothing to reach your genitals.
Getting Better Connected with your Partner
Mutual masturbation is also a great way to nurture a better, deeper, more intimate connection to your partner. Most people are accustomed to masturbating alone, so the idea of having someone watching them and enjoying how they pleasure themselves can be many things: profoundly comforting, seriously confronting, intensely erotic...
You leave yourself vulnerable to their reactions and, hopefully, find their acceptance to be reassuring. It’s also hot as hell (for some) that their partner is watching, seeing how excited they are. There’s nothing a performer loves more than seeing their audience completely lost in the performance.
So, how do you get started with mutual masturbation? Well, that’s the easiest part of all of this. All you need is a space you don’t mind being some amount of exposed in, some lube, and a partner (or partners, depending on your preference). The idea is simply to masturbate together, whether it’s taking turns or simultaneously. Like with any sex act, there are a ton of options of how to do it. You can masturbate each other or yourselves, using whatever implements that you have. Using toys, vibrators, or just your own fingers are allowed and encouraged. Try not to rush, but it’s also not a big deal if one of your finishes before the other. Try to relax and enjoy yourself as well as the reactions and presence of your partner(s). Afterward, you can talk about what you liked, and get a real good understanding of what you all think was pleasurable and how to give that pleasure to each other.
DO try this at home! If you and a partner or partners find the idea of mutual masturbation appealing, give it a shot! Then let us know, with a response, did it make conversations about sexual pleasure and fantasies easier? Are you more in tune with your partner? Didn’t feel the vibe? We’d love to hear!
