Rabbit-style vibrators— are they for everyone?
The rabbit craze is missing a key element of sex-positivity: body diversity
For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me.
When I started my period, all the other girls were using tampons, but I couldn’t figure out how to put one in in a way that didn’t hurt. When I started masturbating and later having penetrative sex, I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t getting any pleasure out of it. It wasn’t necessarily that it was painful; it was just boring. When I did feel something from it, it was a persistent feeling that I had to pee, but I was never able. My slutty phase came and went with very few orgasms, since most partners insisted on penetration, but treated the clitoris like foreign tech.
When I started learning more about my anatomy, I was reassured to find that only about thirty percent of vagina owners are able to have a ‘vaginal orgasm.’ After learning this, I immediately became content with the fact my clitoris is my only avenue to orgasm. After all, with a powerful organ like the clitoris at my disposal, why continue searching for the elusive G-spot? That’s like holding out for a gas station pastry when there’s a Cinnabon right in front of you. This revelation even made penetrative sex better; instead of waiting for some elusive magic, I appreciated it for what it was, knowing that the dessert would come later.
Just because I was content with the way my body works didn’t mean my partners were. When I repeatedly told male partners that I am incapable of vaginal orgasm, their egos went into overdrive. They unfailingly said things like, “Well that’s just because you haven’t had anyone big enough/good enough yet.” After an extended session of intercourse, they’d finally relent. “You weren’t kidding.” Me, knowing my own body? Imagine that.
In my opinion, it’s a fragile masculinity that can’t handle dicks not being the end-all, be-all of female pleasure.
In all my experiences with male partners, they were not going to be satisfied unless I had an orgasm from their brand of sex, right then. Plus, I was told that the sensation of vaginal muscles tightening during a penetrative orgasm is an added bonus for them. So, to achieve that sensation, many male partners would ‘encourage’ me to stimulate my clitoris during intercourse or offer to do it themselves. I would reluctantly agree, often struggling to find a comfortable angle from which to touch myself.
I resented these partners for taking the easy way out, knowing that a good lover — at least what I consider a good lover — would devote their undivided attention to my clitoris, rather than insisting that I come on their terms. I tried to relax and allow myself to come, but something about my body just would not allow for clitoral and vaginal stimulation to coexist. The sensation of penetration tampered with the conditions my clitoris needed to be properly aroused. I left many a hookup disappointed and mourning wasted time.
So, what does all this talk about my body’s quirks have to do with rabbits?
I recently had the opportunity to get my hands on the Classic Rabbit from The Rabbit Company. This toy is no joke. It’s rechargeable, splash-proof, its body-safe silicone feels smooth and silky and it retails for around $190. It comes in bright, fun colors like lime, pink and purple (mine is lime), and it’s quiet as a mouse.
The controls are next-level; the clitoral and vaginal stimulators each have their own button, allowing you to isolate those features to fit your needs. This means you can turn the clit vibrator off entirely while still using the vaginal vibrator, or vice-versa.
On paper, this toy is an absolute dream; even the packaging is sleek, modern and sexy. But guess what?
I don’t like it.
Editor’s note: TSPB writers don’t pay for the toys they review, just one perquisite of writing for us.
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This expensive, versatile, well-made toy just didn’t do the trick for me.
You read that right. This expensive, versatile, well-made toy just didn’t do the trick for me. I was extremely excited to open it and use it with my boyfriend, but I asked him to remove it almost immediately.
I have owned a rabbit-style vibrator before. A partner bought me my first sex toys when I was 18; one was a Doc Johnson Black Magic Pocket Rocket, and the other was a CalExotics Butterfly Kiss Vibrator. I was excited to try both. I knew I didn’t love vaginal stimulation, so I thought the simultaneous clit action of the Butterfly Kiss would make it a little more fun.
I was wrong. The bulbous end of toy made me tense up as I struggled to insert it. Once it was in, I got the “I have to pee” feeling again; the pressure of the bulb against my “G-spot” was really just irritating my bladder. Perhaps the worst part, however, is that it was impossible to use the toy how it was intended because the butterfly could not reach my clitoris when the shaft was fully inserted. If I wanted to feel the clitoral vibration, I had to pull the shaft out of my vagina almost completely. The distance from my clitoris to my vagina was greater than the person for whom this toy was built. I turned it off, feeling disappointed and in more than a little physical discomfort. After every try with the Butterfly, I returned time and again to my trusty ole clit and the small, simple Pocket Rocket. I didn’t know it yet, but this early Tale of Two Toys was foreshadowing.
I hoped that the Classic Rabbit, with its bells and whistles and multi-year warranty, would usher in a new age of vaginal-clitoral harmony for my long-denied body. But I encountered many of the same problems as I had with the Butterfly Kiss. The tip was too large and uncomfortable to insert, and the rabbit ears made contact just below my clit rather than above the clitoral hood. This direct contact was just enough to make the vibrations too intense and painful. I repeatedly asked my partner to adjust here, pull out there and finally just to get the darn thing out. I glanced longingly at the toy — I desperately wanted it to be great, but, for me, it was not.
As I fumbled with the Classic Rabbit, I remembered my young self in the bathroom stall, struggling to insert a tampon and wondering why people used them at all. Messages all around us tell women we should derive great pleasure from vaginal sex. Although only 30% of women can have ‘vaginal orgasms,’ men and magazines would have you believe it’s more like 90%. Any time I enter a sex shop, the majority of expensive toys behind the glass are rabbit-style. The salesperson sings their praises, with no regard for different types of bodies. It can be tougher to find a clit-focused toy that feels sleek, sexy and powerful. It can be even tougher to find validation from men or from society for my clit-prioritizing needs.
But I’m here to tell you that you don’t need anyone dictating what makes you come. Your body can tell you what it wants, and if it doesn’t want penetration, then so be it. An orgasm is like Burger King; you can Have It Your Way.
As for me: I know my body, and my body is Rabbit-proof.
Editor’s note: Summer isn’t alone in feeling like ‘one-size-fits-all’ toys are anything but. The We-Vibe Sync won a slew of awards in 2017, in part because of its trendy, app-enabled functionality, but I think in larger part due to the customizable nature of the toy, itself, allowing it to fit more women. I hope and believe that this will be a trend in 2018 and beyond.
