Temperature Play: candles & wax play
A sexier kind of burning sensation
I’m a bit of a pyro. I like to use a few varieties of warmer temperatures through fire wands, matches and different types of candles. Candles are some of the most accessible temperature-play options (right after ice cubes maybe), and they can be a ton of fun.
Before I get more into candles: as with any type of play you and your partner(s) might be trying, be sure to discuss (and, if necessary, determine) boundaries and safe words. Everyone should have a good understanding of the risks involved. Risk-aware consensual kink is so, so important!
Consent is sexy.
Back to wax.
The specific reason I bring up consent is burns. Some people like the burning sensation, some don’t. Some people are okay with marks, others aren’t, or perhaps it depends on the placement. It’s best to discuss these things before it’s a problem. Unfortunately, I can’t really tell you exactly how hot candles burn as there are so many variables that change the melting point — altitude, coloring, the type and blend of wax, scent etc. It might take some trial and error to find what you and/or your partner(s) like and what candles/waxes fit what moods.
Picking Your Wax/Candle
It’s best to ask the store staff for assistance. A lot of sex shop employees are happy to offer advice or suggestions based on what you’re looking for. Another good way to go about wax play, if you aren’t sure how hot a candle burns, is to try the tiniest drop on you or your partner’s skin before you go pouring a ton of wax on your partner, so you can get a feel for what you’re getting into.
Personal Notes
In my personal experience, I’ve found that candles marked for massages usually have very little sting or burning sensation to them. Massage oil candles can be a great way to relax, with little or no masochism involved. On the flip side, cheap Walmart taper candles can burn pretty hot, if that’s what you or your partner are after.
For me, jarred candles are a toss up as are soy candles not marked for massage.
Setup/Cleanup and a Bit More on Safety
Preparation is a bit messy, so prepare for that. Lay a towel down under whomever is going to be receiving. I have specific “sex towels” for messes. Just something you don’t mind if it gets ruined. Usually the same goes for clothes. Tarps also work to catch any drips or dried wax during cleanup, but I prefer towels since they’re soft and warmer than towels. Having paper towels on hand or a small hand towel/washcloth to wipe the wax off once it’s dried is also useful.
Also, for fire safety, you should note that 100% cotton towels are less likely to burn. I’m not saying it will never happen (I hope it doesn’t!), but just in case, always know where your fire extinguisher and water access points are. I have a bad habit of leaving a water cup in every room, and it makes me feel better to know I can throw water on someone’s hair should the worst happen. Best to be prepared.
Extras
Colors: This may be totally irrelevant for a lot of people, but I love mixing waxes to see the different colors or layers.
Layering: If you do layer wax, the upper layers shouldn’t damage the skin/burn as much once the lower layers have dried. You can leave the lower layers or use a towel or paper towel to wipe the dried wax off. It’s good to note that leaving very hot wax on the skin can continue to burn as it dries, so take this into your playtime considerations.
Combining sensations: You might try blind folding your partner so the wax is a bit of a surprise when it hits! You can also mix hot and cold, wax and ice for example, or I like to use satin gloves to rub over the areas I’ve poured wax on (after wiping of the wax that is).
Depending on the sensation, look or head-space you’re after, you might choose one type of wax over another. It might seem like a lot of work with the mess and safety, but I find it well worth the effort. Have fun exploring and let me know if you have any favorite types of candles or wax play tactics in the comments below!
