What rope has taught me
When I was exploring Shibari, I was exploring myself, too
I’ve always been more of the hands-on type. I’m not particularly fond of toys, or I wasn’t for a long time at least. To me, they seemed impersonal. Of course, I now own a trunk, weekender-sized toy go-bag and other items strategically stored throughout my apartment.
Coming from a very conservative Texas town, it took me until my early twenties to discover a lot of my sexual interests. I’d been in two long-term relationships with men that didn’t suit me sexually, and I realized I needed adventure-partners instead. After a serious breakup, I found myself dating online, and eventually going to meet someone at a club.
I was a little baited to be honest. I wasn’t really warned that I was walking into a kink scene (though everyone was highly respectful, and we were meeting publicly), but I had, in our discussions, disclosed my curiosity about kink. It was just a bit of a happy surprise.* I stepped into the club to see a woman blindfolded, spread-eagle, upside-down, suspended in the air by rope.
My jaw dropped.
I would come to recall this as one of my favorite surprise memories. I was shocked and terrified and excited… and the next week, I was on that same stage.
My favorite sex toy is rope — probably coconut rope to be specific. Coconut rope is abrasive, and though not typically suggested for suspension, it is strong enough for bondage use. It’s hurts me — just the way I like. There are several kinds of rope, though — satin, jute, hemp, coconut — and they can be used in a thousand different ways, be it sadomasochistic or otherwise.
I’ve learned a lot about myself through the different types and styles of tying. I typically prefer a Japanese style called Shibari. It’s beautiful, and can be as simple or complex as you like. Even learning just one or two knots can make Shibari a great tool in your sexual box (pun definitely intended).
Rope taught me a lot: about the sub head-space that feels like floating, that anyone can be the ‘Dom,’ one thing after another as I dove headfirst into the deep end of sexual self-discovery.
Rope also taught me that I enjoyed ‘both sides of the slash’ — being both dominant and submissive (d/s). It had never occurred to me that I was a sadomasochist (though I probably should have seen the signs). I now identify sexually as a ‘switch,’ meaning I like to switch between the two roles.
Rope connected me with some wonderful friends and partners who support me without judgement for my sexual interests. It led me to discover that sex doesn’t just have to be about the orgasm. It can be focused on the slow building as you’re tied and untied — feeling that level of closeness and trust with your partner or partners. Rope has been fundamental to my development both sexually and just generally in my own self-awareness and understanding.
Though, no expert, if you’d like some tips on how to get into Shibari or want resources relating to Shibari or kink, please feel free to message me. I’d love to hear from you!
*Editor’s note: While I’m very glad that KitsuneL took the outing as a happy surprise — which is probably not far from what my reaction would be — misleading or lying-by-omission to lure or trick partners into sex or sexual situations is obviously deceptive, malicious, not-sex-positive behavior, and isn’t anything The Sex-Positive Blog practices or advocates.
