When All You Have is a Hammer…
Adult conversations with Mr. Promiscuous: Sex Toys
Only a few questions in and we get one that’s part of the conversation that started the idea of Adult Conversations! For a brief version of the story, I was talking with one of my partners about different kinds of sex toys, and we started discussing when we actually found out about them. While we found out in vastly different ways (hers was through the internet and mine was a sleazy catalogue), we both mostly saw stick vibrators and dildos. Everything was phallic shaped and (from my limited perspective at the time) geared mostly towards women. I know now how vast the world of sex toys are, but where do you start if you’re a penis-having individual?
Dear Mr. Promiscuous,
Pop culture doesn’t often deal in or with sex toys outside of teen movies, and while teen movies do feature them, the focus seems to be almost entirely on toys that are designed primarily for women to use e.g. dildos and vibrators. The only concession to male toys I’ve seen is the butt plug, which is more often than not the ‘butt’ of jokes. Surely that’s not the only male toy out there? There must be others.
Thanks for your help,
Seeking Sensual Sextoys [she/her pronouns]
Dear SSS,
Butt plugs, despite being rather nice if you’re into that, are far from the only sex toy for individuals with penises. There are sex toys that almost everyone can use that have nothing to do with whatever equipment you’re working with, so we’re going to start with the couple kinds that you mentioned and expand from there.
First things first, anyone can use dildos and vibrators. Sure, there are kinds of vibrators that work better on vaginas (rabbit vibrators come to mind), but they’re all about generating sensation in areas with lots of nerves. You can use any small, hand-held vibrator on the head of a penis to get a similar effect to using one on the clitoris, and some of the larger stick vibrators (the Hitachi Wand being the one that comes to mind) have head attachments meant specifically for this use. If you have a prostate, the perineum can also be rather pleasurable to use a vibrator on. It can be a little hard to reach with a smaller vibrator, so the wand-style ones are better suited for trying this.
Speaking of which, there are particular vibrators marketed to men to stimulate not only the perineum, but also the prostate. They can actually look a LOT like the rabbit vibrators designed for women that stimulate the clitoris directly along with the inside of the vagina. Dildos work in a similar fashion, just without the batteries and vibration. Personally, I’d rather use a dildo than a vibrator since it’s a lot easier to adjust and you don’t have to worry about batteries running out at an awkward time. Now, you may not like using either of these, or not want to deal with anything anal. And that’s totally cool, since there are plenty of other options that can help you get your solo juices going.
If you’re more into penis stimulation, but don’t want to bother with attachments to vibrators, then you can use a penetrable. ‘Penetrable’ is a catchall term for any sort of sex toy designed to — you guessed it — be penetrated. They are as varied in make, sensation and design as dildos and vibrators. They’re also really easy to use. You put a bit of lube on yourself and the entrance to the penetrable, and penetrate away. Depending on the kind you get, they’ll have different areas on the inside for different kinds of sensation, and some of them are really nice. One tip is that if your penetrable is a silicone sleeve in some sort of base, you can usually remove the silicone part from the base so you can clean it or warm it up in some hot water first. They can also be a little pricey, so if you want to try without breaking the bank, a company called Tenga makes a line of cheap, disposable ones that you can try before you drop a larger amount of cash on a toy you might not like.
Another thing you might have overlooked that can add a good deal of stimulus is a cock ring. You put them around the base of the shaft (usually behind the balls) and….well, that’s it. You get a little more sensitive and stay really stiff and generally look pretty cool. A bit of warning, if anything starts to feel off about your bits while you have a cock ring on, take it off especially if it starts to hurt or feel numb.
Editor’s note: Cock rings are good for more than just stimulation and looking cool — because of the structure of the blood vessels in the penis and the mechanisms of erection, cock rings can solve some mild erectile dysfunction problems entirely. Check out this excellent Quora answer for more info about what it is the rings do to/for the cocks.
Unfortunately, there are so many different kinds and variations of sex toys, that I would need a completely separate site dedicated just to going over them and recommending them. Thankfully, there are other professionals that can do that. If you want to know more about sex toys in general (and in a nice comic format to boot) then I’d suggest checking out Oh Joy Sex Toy. They’re awesome, cover a wide variety of toys AND they have information on all sorts of sex topics. Hopefully between this information and theirs, you’ll find a toy that you want and can enjoy.
Good luck finding those “Good Vibrations!”
Sexily Yours,
Mr. Promiscuous
Originally published at aconversations.wordpress.com on February 26, 2018.
Do you have a question for Mr. Promiscuous? Email us at sexposblog@gmail.com or leave a response to this story!
