Sex After Childbirth Was Painful For Me
But I got through it with a little help from my friends.
I was afraid of having sex after childbirth for a lot of reasons.
For one, I knew that my stomach was a wreck of stretch marks and flab with a new enhanced ‘baby pocket’ that wasn’t shrinking down like the rest of me.
I also imagined my vagina to, six weeks later, still be the scene of a train wreck, and I was terrified that I had become “loose” as a result of my vaginal birth despite needing a few stitches.
Well, it seems like that doctor may have given me the extra stitch, because not only was sex painful as hell after childbirth, it was because I was so tight down there it was like my vag was clamping down, unwilling to let anything else in.
I called my doctor back after the six week checkup and told her what was happening and she explained it could be vaginismus, a condition where there are muscle spasms in the pelvic floor muscles that can make it difficult or impossible for anything to enter the vagina…
Could this be my problem?
Was it partly a psychological thing, that I was afraid to have anything else in there, that I was afraid that it would hurt, that I was afraid I would get pregnant again?
I wondered a lot of things, but I wondered at nothing more than the problem of how to get my lover’s penis into my vagina before we both go really, really pissed off.
So, I consulted my friends. And when I say friends I mean my vibrators and lube.
I waited for an afternoon when no one was home, spread a towel down on the bed, and lubed up the slimmest vibrator I had and started trying to get it in, but this time I could actually feel muscles clenching down on me and knew this had to be a combination of physical and psychological factors.
Like, I wanted the vibrator in me so badly, but I was also so scared to put it in there, so my body just shut down.
It took hours of work, good, hard work, but I was finally able to get the vibrator sliding in and out of me with a lot of concentration and deep breathing so I didn’t clench down again.
But, that night I was faced with my lover’s penis, much bigger than the vibrator.
Alas, much lube was needed.
We got it in, finally, but it HURT.
I ended the night crying in his arms thinking that sex would never be good again.
But it turns out, I just needed to keep working on it.
The more I used my vibrators and was able to get myself off on my own with them, the easier penis in vagina sex became.
But it took me a long time to get over the psychological ramifications of not being able to have sex comfortably.
I thought, maybe this is what a man feels like when he can’t get it up and perform?
What a terrible way to feel, unable to have sex.
That’s just no way to live.
Unfortunately, for some, vaginismus is something that plagues them for years or their whole life, and I just had to deal with it for a few weeks if that’s what it was at all that was happening.
I was very lucky.
I still have that ‘baby pocket’ but my vagina is as tight as a teenagers and strong as an Ox that does Kegels, so, I’m pretty confident now.
But if you are having painful sex, or no sex at all because you can’t get anything in there — talk to your lady doctor about it first, as sex keeps them in business, they want us doing it well and often.
It’s worth an awkward conversation to be able to get going in bed again.
I’m sure any man on Viagra would be happy to tell you that.