Dealing with Peer Pressure : Understanding It!
Imagine being at your friend’s house for a gathering, just a normal Friday night for all of you. Suddenly, your friend pulls you to the side and slips you a cigarette. You look at him in surprise and confusion for you have never tried a cigarette before. Around you, you notice your other friends smoking as well — and they start egging you to try. What would you do?
Although it might be easy to say that we do not easily succumb to peer pressure, sometimes we lack the self awareness to really take a step back, to ask ourselves this crucial question when faced a decision. At times, we find ourselves feeling the need to fit in and go with the wants of the group, which would eventually lead one to succumb to the pressure to act similarly to our peers, such as copying their dress sense and their actions. In extreme cases, peer pressure might even cause us to undertake certain courses of actions that we are not comfortable with, or are illegal.
Firstly, to handle peer pressure, we need to understand what peer pressure actually is. Peer pressure is commonly defined as:
“The direct influence on people by peers, or the effect on an individual who is encouraged and wants to follow their peers by changing their attitudes, values or behaviors to conform to those of the influencing group or individual”.
It comes primarily in two forms: positive and negative, with the latter being the main focus of the article.
Negative peer pressure happens when an individual or a group makes us feel like we need to do something to fit in. Giving in to this feeling usually first gives us an euphoric high, but then it comes crashing down when it eventually puts us in a state of regret and disappointment,when in retrospection you realise that the actions might have gone against your morals and beliefs. Common examples of actions incited due to peer pressure among teens are drinking, smoking, and hooking up.
Commonly, many succumb to peer pressure so as to prove themselves worthy to be a member of a group or to maintain their pride. This boils down to internal peer pressure — where the pressure comes from within ourselves. People usually feel an impulse to partake in an activity they notice their peers are engaging themselves in so as to justify themselves as worthy of their peers’ attention and time or to simply “fit in the crowd”.
Now that we know what peer pressure is, we can begin combating it. The first step is to start developing a sense of self awareness of the external factors and people pressuring you. You need to be aware and remind yourself in the moment that you are experiencing peer pressure. One way to stay grounded would be to focus on why your peers want you to pursue a particular action- is it perhaps they think you’re missing out, or is it perhaps that they believe you won’t understand the “full experience” without doing a certain act? It takes time and practice to do this under real-time pressure, and it will not be easy to do so at first. However, through beginning to ask questions, awareness of the pressure, and understanding the pressure — then only can you take the steps to fight it.
Planning ahead for specific scenarios can assist us in not freezing up when push comes to shove : when we have a game plan on what to say and what they might say, you can have a much easier time dealing with pressure. Imagine you are out with your friends after school, eating and talking as per usual. Out of the blue, one of them starts passing around a pack of cigarettes. When it finally arrives in your hands, everyone is staring, expecting you to light it up and join them. How do you respond? When an uncomfortable situation arises, having a convenient and good response can help you avoid getting backed into a corner. Remember — your peers are pressuring you because they think it’s possible to change your mind. It is not harmful to say no and decline.
Outright ensuring that these situations don’t occur at all can help as well. Making friends with beliefs and morals that align with yours reduces the chances of a tense situation. For example, if you are against smoking and believe that it is harmful, making friends who concur might help to reinforce this idea within you and help you develop resilience against trying it one day.
However, people often mistake peer pressure for being one sided and negative. Positive peer pressure can occur as well however it is more rare. A group scoffing at an individual for smoking or friends coercing one another into studying, these are examples of positive peer pressure. Accomplishing this is rather difficult though, it requires a majority of the group to have the same train of thought when it comes to these activities, but it is possible.
Peer pressure is an extremely nuanced subject and may not always be as simple as just saying no to your friends. Relationships are complex and dynamic, and you might feel that you need to prove something or listen to someone you respect, making you do something you might end up regretting.Therefore, it’s important to know of different methods of mitigating or even outright removing peer pressure with methods such as planning ahead, making the right friends, and awareness of it happening to you — all of this can go a long way in combating being pressured. If you still feel unsure, you can always approach a friend or trusted adult to consult them.
Remember — always do something because you yourself want to, and not because others want you to.
