Bucket List (#22–#223)
Life is fair to those who can see how unfair life is to others. We get something, we lose a bit. Take any person from any part of the world and they have dreams and aspirations, knowing very well that not all of them are going to be fulfilled. This wisdom arises from our collective acceptance of our morality: we have limited time, so why not have unlimited goals? The so-called achievers in our society taste the ingredients that go into the making and the breaking of a person. Wanting something doesn’t validate your need — what you end up eventually with is what sets you free — but that doesn’t stop us from pushing our luck. For instance, I want to visit all the countries in the world, including the latest entry (Bougainville), but in all probability, I won’t be able to accomplish this by any stretch of reality.
As a respite, I’d taken a rather different turn at the beginning of this decade and focused on the humourous side of my goals. Thus, creating a unique bucket list. Since I’ve already listed the first 21 entries, let’s continue with the rest, so far.
Bucket List #22: Learn break dancing to Vande Mataram in the background.
Bucket List #23: Learn to write the way Obama does with a twisted wrist.
Bucket List #24: Strike out all the 23 inanities mentioned before on this list.
Bucket List #25: Make an offer (again) that got refused the first time around.
Bucket List #26: Discover new colors.
Bucket List #27: Write a song in favour of arranged marriages just for the heck of it.
Bucket List #28: Learn how to show concern and STFU simultaneously.
Bucket List #29: Perhaps, beat Angelina Jolie at pouting.
Bucket List #30: Learn Zsa Zsa Gabor’s actual pronunciation before she dies.
Bucket List #31: Learn to STFU without making a sound.
Bucket List #32: Learn to be extremely calm a la blue whale.
Bucket List #33: Emulate what Christian Bale did in China with all the recording cameras.
Bucket List #34: Be a Sumo wrestler for a day.
Bucket List #35: Brutally assassinate inner demons.
Bucket List #36: Collect those lemons life owes me.
Bucket List #37: Become.
Bucket List #38: Get adopted by Angelina Jolie before the offer runs out.
Bucket List #39: Rewrite Coldplay’s Yellow in red.
Bucket List #40: Locate the letter ‘r’ in colonel.
Bucket List #41: Invent a unique dance form for those with two left feet.
Bucket List #42: Grow tomatoes. (Yeah, the plant too.)
Bucket List #43: Identify those flying objects.
Bucket List #44: Write a review on Mahabharata.
Bucket List #45: Exterminate extremism that emanates from my mind.
Bucket List #46: Make a biopic titled ‘The Sound of Voice’ on Dr. Manmohan Singh’s prime ministerial tenure.
Bucket List #47: Write a poem titled “Then” keeping Kipling’s “If” in mind.
Bucket List #48: Cite the handle that reads you.
Bucket List #49: Save this f — ing planet from human race.
Bucket List #50: Share the neighborhood with these ridiculously rich bastards in Monaco and not to mention, evade tax.
Bucket List #51: Make a movie in which Sean Penn plays my weary conscience.
Bucket List #52: Write a sequel to John Lennon’s Imagine called ‘Imaginary’ and dedicate to all my virtual friends.
Bucket List #53: Quit misusing life the word and start abusing life the real thing.
Bucket List #54: Be less listless for a change.
Bucket List #55: Celebrate postponed Holi at Wimbledon.
Bucket List #56: Set the novel Ulysses in New-Bombay and rewrite it.
Bucket List #57: Sneak through Wagah border and hug all my Pakistani friends before getting arrested for trespassing.
Bucket List #58: Offer asylum to Assange.
Bucket List #59: Be part of Arnab’s panel and then interrupt the shit out of him.
Bucket List #60: Watch the best of cinema and listen to all the gems of music.
Bucket List #61: Be indifferent to Monday’s arrival.
Bucket List #62: Find the origin behind names like Sanpada and Chakala.
Bucket List #63: Get into a fight and beat the hell out of my ego.
Bucket List #64: Make a movie on VS Naipaul with Robert De Niro in the lead role…before it’s too late!
Bucket List #65: Kick ass. For real.
Bucket List #66: Bite a vampire and run like never before.
Bucket List #67: Write a film about the problems homosexuals face in our society and call it Umangain.
Bucket List #68: Change the course of human history.
Bucket List #69: Pwn 2013.
Bucket List #70: Learn to waltz with two left feet.
Bucket List #71: Invade the pitch while Messi is playing.
Bucket List #72: Become an Academy member so as to set things right.
Bucket List #73: Save Tulu from Kannada.
Bucket List #74: Remix the national anthem.
Bucket List #75: Visit Malana at least once.
Bucket List #76: Spend a Sunday evening without worrying about Monday.
Bucket List #77: Grow up.
Bucket List #78: Work harder than a rumour.
Bucket List #79: Compose the background scores of your existence.
Bucket List #80: Dance like Govinda.
Bucket List #81: Build rai ka pahad and then climb it.
Bucket List #82: Fix Coldplay’s yellow clocks like the scientist from paradise.
Bucket List #83: Conquer your mind.
Bucket List #84: Save Antarctica from penguins.
Bucket List #85: Get wasted.
Bucket List #86: Pen a sonnet.
Bucket List #87: Fire Donald Trump.
Bucket List #88: Fully understand Stanley Kubrick’s body of work.
Bucket List #89: Do.
Bucket List #90: Build a tent on the road less traveled.
Bucket List #91: See the world through your eyes.
Bucket List #92: Pollinate.
Bucket List #93: Win an Oscar and then refuse to go on stage.
Bucket List #94: Invent a machine to measure hatred.
Bucket List #95: Save apostrophe from further insult.
Bucket List #96: Patent common sense.
Bucket List #97: Get David Godwin as my literary agent. Anyhow.
Bucket List #98: Punch myself in the face. Properly.
Bucket List #99: Create cash out of opinion.
Bucket List #100: Fire my wealth manager.
Bucket List #101: Make a Tulu classic film titled Paaysa.
Bucket List #102: Unfollow the world.
Bucket List #103: Kiss her podaface.
Bucket List #104: Make a biopic on Pamela Anderson’s boobs.
Bucket List #105: Find better excuses to be alive.
Bucket List #106: Write a movie titled ‘Gone Boy’ where the guy kills his wife for being such a psycho before going to prison.
Bucket List #107: Launch a potato wafer brand called Laid.
Bucket List #108: Kick a rowdy out of train onto platform before screaming “THIS IS SANPADA!”.
Bucket List #109: Procrastinate procrastination.
Bucket List #110: Cheat death.
Bucket List #111: You.
Bucket List #112: Become so damn important that they send assassins for you.
Bucket List #113: Prepare Oscar acceptance speech.
Bucket List #114: Say “I’m not scared of anything!” and mean it.
Bucket List #115: Write three movies based in a local train and call it LoTr trilogy.
Bucket List #116: Have bad intentions ’cause the good ones aren’t working.
Bucket List #117: Update Adobe.
Bucket List #118: Turning water into Vine.
Bucket List #119: Be bored of money.
Bucket List #120: Make a biopic on Richard Branson with Billy Bob Thornton in the leading role.
Bucket List #121: Be to mosquitoes what Hitler is to Jews.
Bucket List #122: Own table tennis the way @Shayanta1 does.
Bucket List #123: Write a movie script titled Life of Poy. The epicest Tamil film about a lie.
Bucket List #124: Tweet in Sanskrit and help the language die faster than intended.
Bucket List #125: Sell soul on OLX.
Bucket List #126: Going to do a documentary film about the positive benefits of growing a beard. Hirsute of Happyness.
Bucket List #127: Travel in those yellow cabs in NYC I grew up watching on TV.
Bucket List #128: Become brown version of Eminem with fewer cuss words.
Bucket List #129: Put this pair of jeans i’ve been wearing for 4 months now to wash.
Bucket List #130: Perfect the art of pretending to listen.
Bucket List #131: Escape all the WhatsApp groups i’m part of against my wish.
Bucket List #132: Afford to watch a match at Wimbledon.
Bucket List #133: Earn money quick enough to watch Roger Federer in action at Wimbledon before he hangs up his racquet.
Bucket List #134: Bathe on a Sunday.
Bucket List #135: Overcome Monday blues before afternoon for a change.
Bucket List #136: Invent a lasting outrage on Twitter.
Bucket List #137: Sleep well beyond 12pm on a Sunday.
Bucket List #138: Write a sitcom called ‘Breaking Bad…Jokes’ with a twist as it will feature loads of brilliant jokes.
Bucket List #139: Observe how the poor live in a picturesque country like Italy.
Bucket List #140: Sleep like a tree.
Bucket List #141: Write an Urdu book called Aakhri Kitaab so that people promptly get the answer to “Tumne aakhri kitaab kaunsi padhi thi?”
Bucket List #142: Gatecrash an orgy.
Bucket List #143: Earn Sahitya Akademi Award so that I can return it in style.
Bucket List #144: Stay immortal.
Bucket List #145: Assist Mesut Ozil at something.
Bucket List #146: Kidnap Katy Perry to get a shoutout from her.
Bucket List #147: Binge-watch Sasural Simar Ka.
Bucket List #148: Hear someone say “Oh, I love traffic! It makes me contemplate on my miserable existence”.
Bucket List #149: Find someone who’s into angrezi music but doesn’t like Linkin Park’s Numb.
Bucket List #150: Learn to not give a fuck like Zlatan does.
Bucket List #151: Take a freezing selfie on the Himalayas before my hand turns into a selfie stick.
Bucket List #152: Write a film script titled ‘Gone with the Wind’ about a man who graduates from constipation to flatulence.
Bucket List #153: Write a book on why the number of words are increasing while the meanings are declining.
Bucket List #154: Direct a movie titled The Passion of Mel Gibson where he blames Jews for all the wars in the world while they crucify him.
Bucket List #155: Weep inconsolably on Oprah’s show.
Bucket List #156: Learn to be unafraid of Monday on Sunday nights.
Bucket List #157: Be as unafraid as Hanzee in Fargo 2.
Bucket List #158: Pen a painful film titled ‘Jaws’ wherein a just-married couple is smiling for camera throughout.
Bucket List #159: Commute on a horse.
Bucket List #160: Pen the best fucking book with one eye closed.
Bucket List #161: Not get too old or too fast.
Bucket List #162: Be dangerously successful.
Bucket List #163: Win a medal, any medal.
Bucket List #164: You haven’t arrived until somebody wholeheartedly requests you to delete your account.
Bucket List #165: Argue with someone on Twitter and make their fingertips bleed.
Bucket List #166: Punch someone in the face.
Bucket List #167: Speak in public with confidence like Eenam Gambhir did at UN.
Bucket List #168: Write a script titled “Into the Mild” about a young man who escapes our society without getting himself killed in the end.
Bucket List #169: Write a show called ‘Better Miscall Saul’ featuring characters who are miserly af.
Bucket List #170: Run.
Bucket List #171: Pen a book titled ‘Everything’ which would be about nothing in particular.
Bucket List #172: Catch your vibes like Jonty Rhodes.
Bucket List #173: Start the exact opposite of religion.
Bucket List #174: Write a lot of books so that my tweets don’t get credited to some asshole named Anonymous.
Bucket List #175: Write a book titled ‘A Brief History of Verbose’ and laugh all the way to the bank.
Bucket List #176: Submerge myself in a bath tub like those wealthy people in movies do.
Bucket List #177: Colonize Mars before Elon Musk does.
Bucket List #178: Pass the ball to Iniesta.
Bucket List #179: Sleep tight and dream well.
Bucket List #180: Make them follow me not because of my tweets but because I owe them money.
Bucket List #181: Get hugged by the pandas.
Bucket List #182: Enjoy rain without worrying about catching a cold.
Bucket List #183: Be reasonable.
Bucket List #184: Patent the recipe for disaster.
Bucket List #185: Nap for more than an hour at least on a Sunday.
Bucket List #186: Never retire.
Bucket List #187: Write a suspense thriller that’s as exciting as the buildup of a sneeze.
Bucket List #188: Write a movie called The Perks of Being a Cauliflower.
Bucket List #189: Lead a disappoint-proof life.
Bucket List #190: Be as intelligent as Russell Brand.
Bucket List #191: Write a story about Ranga titled Dumbdog Chillionaire.
Bucket List #192: Have lunch at a fixed time daily.
Bucket List #193: Build a new city and call it A Hague just to annoy those Dutch folks.
Bucket List #194: Get lost for real.
Bucket List #195: Be annoyingly happy.
Bucket List #196: Watch a polar bear take a dump.
Bucket List #197: Go offline on Sunday.
Bucket List #198: Take a vacation from who I think I am.
Bucket List #199: Breathe deeply.
Bucket List #200: Invade Mongolia as a tourist.
Bucket List #201: Learn to speak 12 languages before maintaining absolute silence.
Bucket List #202: Enjoy monsoon like our childhood days.
Bucket List #203: Get super-duper healthy for a change.
Bucket List #204: Become a sumo wrestler.
Bucket List #205: Embrace enlightenment.
Bucket List #206: Write a movie starring Julia Roberts and Jessica Chastain as onscreen siblings.
Bucket List #207: See #CarlsenCaruana trend at least once on Twitter.
Bucket List #208: Stay immortal.
Bucket List #209: Grow a conscience.
Bucket List #210: Sit and walk straight.
Bucket List #211: Host the world’s first Torrent Film Festival.
Bucket List #212: Become the exact opposite of stress.
Bucket List #213: Learn to enjoy the weekend for a change.
Bucket List #214: Do something so remarkable that they name a river after me.
Bucket List #215: Make Victoria Beckham so happy that she smiles once.
Bucket List #216: Become an influencer because sab ko influencer banna hai.
Bucket List #217: Learn to take care of my teeth and make dentists redundant.
Bucket List #218: Visit Mangalore in Victoria (Australia) once.
Bucket List #219: Grow.
Bucket List #220: Become the Sherpa of my Himalayan blunders.
Bucket List #221: Read the Constitution cover to cover.
Bucket List #222: Wonder more. Worry less.
Bucket List #223: Be incredibly useful.
As you can see, the list speaks volumes of the chronological context in place. As the years passed by, I became bolder with my list —wanting to punch, being an example. Yes, it’s fair to admit that I accidentally poured water into my bucket list. Thank you for (t)reading.
