Let’s get motivated, shall we?
That’s it.
I’ve decided what I am going to do with my life.
Motivational speaking.
Yes, I’ve thought it through. Granted motivation is to me what water would be to a computer but these are avenues worth exploring. Our world is built on tall pillars of weirdness and couples like Popeye and Olive. Two opposing characters make a great show — Vidal and Buckley spring to mind and so do Qatar and FIFA World Cup — whether we like it or not.
Oh yes, the irony is strong with this one.
Let me break it down on how I’m planning to go about this.
First thing first, I need to become a positive person. Or at least act like it. Skepticism has a twisted way with me so it’s necessary that I radiate light instead of the usual shadowy aura. I will learn to say the appropriate things. After all, it’s all about employing the right words at the right moment to the right folks.
“I desire to become an astronaut someday.”
“Of course, you can. NASA is waiting for you with bated breath.”
Secondly, I am going to change the way I dress. As of now, I am always found in blue/black/red t-shirts with a pair of jeans that haven’t been to wash in months, exclaimed by blue sneakers. I will be wearing white shirts with rolled-up sleeves and khakhi pants, punctuated by yellow floaters. My presence would be so freaking positive that Tide will try to sign me up as their ambassador and I will pretend to reject their offer before accepting the deal.
Thirdly, I will write flowery quotes with heavy dose of words like yes, you, can, now, because, everything, is and, possible. The best bit about being a motivational speaker is you are not accountable for your failures but get a mighty bite out of others’ success. Nobody scrutinizes for your past decisions and yet credit will be shared with you if somebody hits an existential jackpot. This is made possible by the power of positive words. Once you drop them, only gold is to be harvested. There is no room left for copper.
Fourthly, I will combine my trivia prowess with my vast repository of stories. Not many know this but there’s no seduction greater than the taste of hope. Give a man a fish and he will eat. Give a man the possibility of catching all the fish in the ocean and he is no more your problem. This would be an experiment in fueling all conversations and speeches with ridiculous amount of unbeatable facts and anecdotes from my life as well as others who lived before us.
Lastly, I will write a book on how to become a motivational speaker. It’d be a sureshot bestseller because it will be based on my zero experience in motivational speaking. Aren’t people who have no idea what they are talking about celebrated nowadays? You see, I’ve got a huge stage fright. I can never face an audience; I can barely look into the eyes of another person during an office chat. I keep my eyes down while walking and maintain a low profile. Motivational speaking isn’t for me but I am going to be a motivational speaker by sheer virtue of providing motivation without having to speak directly.
Touché!
