NFAQs: Not Frequently Asked Questions
I recently came to know that the newest discovered human language on the planet has nothing to do with words. It’s a sign language from Hawaii and it has, in turn, thrown light on the most important tenet of civilization: the desire to communicate. In an era where we are struggling to keep languages alive, as more and more powerless languages fade away into oblivion — thanks to the ongoing slaughter by lingual bullies like English, Chinese, Arabic, Hindi, French, etc. — it’s incredible to note the role wordless languages play in the overall equation. If anything, this discovery is a sign of good things to come.
And on that note, let’s picture a world where every question has an answer. Whether it’s accurate or not being secondary. Besides, not everything ought to have a response but we can always try our level best, no? A little bit of wordplay and smartaleckness never hurt anybody.
Hence sharing some of the Q&As that I’ve compiled over the past couple of years. Also, don’t ever complain that I don’t write long enough blog posts.
Take it and go.
Q: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?
A: Virar local.
Q: What’s the only thing common to you and God?
A: The ability to stay busy.
Q: What’s common to Keanu Reeves and Indian democracy?
A: Both don’t know how to age.
Q: Common sense is rare but what’s rarer?
A: Traffic sense.
Q: What’s common to Hindus and Atheists?
A: Both say “All religions are the same” for different reasons.
Q: What do you call somebody who gets fired from Amazon?
A: Bezosgaar.
Q: What’s worse than phones ringing in a cinema hall?
A: People actually picking up the call and talk.
Q: What’s worse than having two contradictory viewpoints?
A: Both of them being factually incorrect.
Q: What’s common between brilliant folks and the dumb folks?
A: Only they manage to get their jokes.
Q: What’s worse than kids being evil with street dogs?
A: Their parents standing by and letting them.
Q: What causes marriage?
A: Life. Or the utter lack of it.
Q: What’s worse than being useless?
A: Hopeless.
Q: What’s common to the rich and the poor?
A: Both are trying to NOT get poorer.
Q: What’s the difference between good writing and great writing?
A: Readers.
Q: What’s common to ghosts and mosquitoes?
A: Nobody knows what they do during daytime.
Q: What’s common to MFs and a loan given to friends?
A: Both are subject to market risks.
Q: Why did the parcel make an erratic decision?
A: Because it was moved.
Q: What’s worse than being a drama queen?
A: Being a wannabe drama queen.
Q: What’s common to life in general and politics in particular?
A: The game called compromise.
Q: What’s worse than having cold?
A: Cold and fever.
Q: What do you call a group of earbuds?
A: Buddies, what else?
Q: What is common to all dictators?
A: They arrive aiming to solve problems but end up becoming a problem.
Q: What’s worse than posting a lame joke?
A: Finding a typo in it later.
Q: What do you call a gardener with a unique touch?
A: Antara Mali.
Q: What’s common to God and Opposition in India?
A: They don’t exist.
Q: What’s common to a long weekend and a short foreplay?
A: Both end sooner than expected.
Q: What’s the best way to spend a weekend?
A: Your way.
Q: What’s the best way to eat <insert food item>?
A: Without choking to death on it.
Q: What’s worse than getting fooled?
A: Getting fooled by those who are fooling themselves.
Q: Why are we on Twitter?
A: There’s nowhere else to go.
Q: What’s the procedure to make others admire for who you aren’t?
A: Instagram.
Q: What’s the greatest difference between cinema and the world?
A: Life changes way too quickly on the screen.
Q: What’s common to Buddha, Moses, Jesus, Mohammad and Nanak?
A: They all traveled far and wide.
Q: What’s the plural of good deeds?
A: Respect.
Q: Choli ke Nietzsche kya hai?
A: Philosophy.
Q: Who constitutes the majority in India?
A: Gareeb.
Q: Which is the best football league in the world?
A: Depends on the weekend.
Q: Why don’t you stand up for something bigger than you?
A: Too much of left-leaning and right-leaning but too little of truth-leaning.
Q: What’s common to biryani and bewakoof?
A: Dono dheeme aanch pe banaye jaate hai.
Q: What’s the benchmark for hypocrisy nowadays?
A: Breathing.
Q: What do you call a couch potato with wanderlust?
A: Ibn Batata.
Q: What’s worse than people ignoring you?
A: People not noticing that you are missing.
Q: What’s the difference between think and believe?
A: You are what you think you are but others are what you believe they are.
Q: What’s the best thing about regrets?
A: They end sooner or later.
Q: What’s the difference between anger and a river?
A: Both flow but only the former’s direction can be controlled.
Q: What’s the difference between pain and ache?
A: You can transform pain into poetry.
Q: What’s the difference between love and affection?
A: You don’t have to show love.
Q: What’s common to all of us?
A: Noise and uncertainty.
Q: What is the SI unit of feeling cheated?
A: You pop a painkiller but your headache doesn’t leave.
Q: What’s the difference between quiet and silent?
A: What you maintain while asleep is quiet and what you maintain while awake is silent.
Q: What is the exact opposite of dull?
A: Ranveer Singh.
Q: What’s tougher than being woke?
A: Waking up in the morning.
Q: What happens when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force?
A: Online outrage.
Q: What do you learn from all the crime novels?
A: Killing someone is always a bad idea.
Q: What’s worse than being upset?
A: Getting upset that you got upset.
Q: What do you call it when Wonder Woman indulges in bad language?
A: Gal Galoch.
Q: What do you call a group of politicians?
A: Disgrace.
Q: What’s common to those who love you and those who hate you?
A: You are in their thoughts.
Q: What’s common to a gun and a camera?
A: Whatever they shoot becomes a memory.
Q: What’s the most important thing in this world.
A: Punctuation.
Q: What’s the greatest lesson a book teaches us?
A: If you don’t keep moving, you’ll gather dust.
Q: Pyaar humein kis mode par le aaya?
A: Silent.
Q: Who’s in charge of your life?
A: Your phone battery.
Q: What’s the plural of news?
A: Nuisance.
Q: What’s common to standards and empires?
A: They are bound to fall.
Q: What’s common to people, opinion and season?
A: They change whether we like it or not.
Q: What’s worse than being sad?
A: Not knowing the reason why you’re sad in the first place.
Q: What’s worse than being mediocre?
A: Getting addicted to mediocrity.
Q: What’s better than Gulzar?
A: His poems read in his voice.
Q: What’s worse than religion?
A: The use of the word ‘major’ in front of it.
Q. What’s the difference between Milind Soman and Forrest Gump?
A. Forrest stopped running after a while.
Q. What’s worse than getting out of a crowded train at Kurla?
A. Getting into a crowded train at Kurla.
Q. Which was the last movie in which Salman Khan acted?
A. Tere Naam.
Q. What do you get when you cross the Godfather with Tyler Durden?
A. An offer of soap that you can’t refuse.
Q: What do you call a group of thugs?
A: You don’t.
Q: What makes life meaningful?
A: Certainly not this blog post.
