Project: Revamping the threads of a chat
For somebody who avoids conversations as much as possible, I am highly interested in how we talk. Generally speaking. The sort of words we use to convey something that could have been conveyed better with a different set of words bother me. An unabashed phone call in an overcrowded elevator forcing others to overhear bother me. A routine ‘aaah’ when the mic is shoved at your nose even if that face doesn’t belong to me bothers me. In short, all these sounds and situations intrigue me. And I am able to notice several patterns mainly because I suck at talking. I can barely blurt five coherent sentences without turning tense. I am not a two-way chatter. I am a listener. So much so that people wasting breath on trite small talks makes me nauseous. If we can’t lead a meaningful life, the least we can do is opt for meaningful conversations.
Which is why I was wondering what will happen if we can tread beyond the obvious and ask each other stuff that really matters. Not the overarched “How are you?” or “What’s up?” and instead aim for a higher plane. We can certainly do better than what this shallow world has programmed us to.
Needless to add, I am unsure whether this proposed project would work on familiar grounds. But every once in a while, when you’re at a larger gathering and see people you meet rarely, you can try stabbing them with these questions. Perhaps the alcohol or the weed in their system would facilitate the conversation. Perhaps not.
However, it’d be interesting to have an actual conversation for a change. Won’t you agree? Too much of Information Age has happened, allowing little room for questions about each other. Do we even bother to know, or more intriguingly, empathize, anymore?
Since I am never going to pose these questions, let me go to the other end of the table. These questions will give rise to answers which could foster newer questions.
Hopefully, that is.
How do you feel?
I mostly feel fine, especially when I manage to throw away the yoke of expectations. Otherwise, I see myself undergoing the same drill others in my perimeter do. None of us can complain because we are here by our decision, not others’.
Is your life turning out the way you thought it will?
No. I never thought I’ll be here. I had a simpler understanding of the world. Too naive, to be honest. When I look back, I think I am glad I didn’t spend a lot of time planning. That would have made things worse. I floated.
As a kid, what did you want to be?
I wanted to be a lot of things but my profoundest memory is of a right-handed kid who wanted to be left-handed. As a result, I learnt how to write with my weaker hand and within a couple of years, I was bowling medium pace with my left hand.
When was the last time you felt absolutely peaceful?
Some weeks ago, I was in the washroom doing my business while scrolling an article on the Guardian. The power went off and there was abject darkness. For a few fleeting seconds, I felt absolutely calm then.
If you were to die in 3 years, how would you approach your life?
Very differently. I’ll definitely get going with my long-delayed traveling and farming plans with my wife. I might even get the much-needed impetus to write a book. It’d be sad as well as great to be within the knowing of the inevitable.
Who do you think loves you the most?
Although love is too abstract to be truly quantified, I’d say it has to be my brother. If their favourite Kannada TV serial is on, my parents don’t even pick up my call. OK, that’s a bad parameter to measure love but I’d still go with Sai. Besides, it’s a musical chair. One person today and another, tomorrow.
At what point do you get to say that you’re done and never look back?
When you’re completely debtless, which rarely happens in our capitalistic system. If you enjoy the system, then you can exploit the endless possibilities of being undone and never looking back.
Which virtue appeals to you the most?
Kindness. We keep hearing the bumper stick saying ‘be the best version of yourself’ when in truth, it calls for us to be kinder than we were yesterday.
Do you sleep well?
I haven’t slept for 4 hours straight since my transcription days. I rest in breaks. But it’s alright as long as I don’t yawn during working hours and keep myself motivated with my daily tasks. Old age is nicer to those who can sleep well. A thought that scares me.
Define success.
Success is what happens when you are too busy enjoying the little gifts of life and not at all worrying about those fucking benchmarks.
Where do you see yourself in 2075?
Alive and regretful as usual. You?
