The crawling’s on the wall

People believe in ghosts. I believe in lizards. In fact, my morbid fear is what’s stopping me from total world domination. Yeah, I know the idea goes against Spider-Man given the fact that he’s fighting a giant reptile in his latest franchise. But then he’s just another superhero who is making Hollywood richer. If you ask me (which I doubt you will since I don’t have much of a reputation in this munificent act of replying), a lizard has real superpowers. For one, it can hunt for food in utter darkness (try finding your fridge under similar circumstances). Secondly, it can moonwalk on ceiling (which makes it unanimously better than humankind, not just Michael Jackson). Thirdly, it can bounce its thoughts off the wall without slipping down. And the list is endless.

“He’s my pet.” — the lizard in my room about me

For most of us, encountering a lizard or a cockroach is similar to having our very own Man vs. Wild moment. Coming back to the horror part, these creepy reptiles scare the shit out of almost everyone. You know who freaks me out more? People who don’t freak out at the sudden sight of a lizard! To my credit, I frightened the tail out of a lizard last night (the updated scoreline — Me: 9 Lizards: 3846). But to be fair, it’s not always their intention to test our vocal chords. In most cases, they avoid us like cancer. They have better things to do. For instance, forage and fcuk. It might be hard to believe but life is rather uncomplicated for them. Besides, they are part of nature’s plan to teach us a lesson or two in patience. Although they might act as if they understand everything, they stay humble and observe manners. Like Rango.

Her: “What are you most afraid of?” Him: “Lizard.” Her: “What else?” Him: “Lizards.”

While we’re wasting time here online, someone’s falling for someone. Somewhere. Na, I ain’t talking about lizards. Unless Mr. & Mrs. Lizard are having a jolly good time on my wall.