Twitter’s Unwritten Rules (225–303)
A city is defined by the conduct of its citizens. People in Aizawl don’t honk in traffic whereas those in Aurangabad honk twice before thinking once. In this sense, Twitter is a strange city annexed by hopeless romantics. They don’t follow any writ because nobody bothered to write. Everybody is at their expense (time and attention) there and spend themselves for no greater good other than narcissism. On a long enough timeline, you’ll learn the utter futility of mainstream media as well as the skills of balancing yourself on emotional tenderhooks. Interestingly, the deep desire to be liked for one’s content is negated by the questionable need to be disliked: good or pus, all reactions are valid.
Standing in a muddle of conflicting thoughts, I’ve been writing disobedient rules for Twitter for a decade now. A lot of readers have expressed astonishment at this disciplined recording. All these so-called rules are based on my random observations and untapped bias.
You can read the first 96 Unwritten Rules (compiled in 2013) before moving onto the next batch (compiled in 2017) ending at #224. Today, the third batch is out.
Watch out.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #225: Deleting a tweet because of typos is the greatest exercise in humility.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #226: F̶o̶r̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ Mute and forget.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #227: Twitter jaat-paat, oonch-neech nahi dekhta. Dekhta hai toh bas screenshots.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #228: If you are away from the timeline, you don’t miss anything.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #229: If you engage only with trolls, you’re going to turn into one. To remain sane, engage with the sensible ones.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #230: Don’t get too attached here. Everything changes with the unfollow button.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #231: Everyday is celebrated as World Narcissism Day here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #232: RT-ing regularly makes your skin glow.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #233: Anybody can get verified on Twitter. Try getting verified on Instagram.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #234: Twitter doesn’t spare anyone.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #235: Start all your questions with “What about…”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #236: Your parents haven’t figured you out but some random stranger has after reading a few of your tweets.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #237: Attention is an extreme sport.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule#238: Nobody knows why some tweeps use hashtags in their bio.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule#239: While everybody else keeps asking “Who did this?”, the person who did it remains oblivious and anonymous.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #240: You’re doing this place right if you are here for the laughs.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #241: Now they are judging you. Now they are not.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #242: Soon enough, you’ll be the person known for your ex-viral tweets.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #243: <insert Uncertainty Principle>
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #244: Ek RT maanga tha duniya se, woh bhi naa de paaye.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #245: It’s never too early to log out.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #246: Never be sorry for your bad puns. Far worse is going on here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #247: Twitter peaks every fucking day.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #248: If you’re following a fun sort of peeps, your timeline would be fun too. Your timeline is totally up to you.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #249: Everybody is a lol-abiding citizen here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #250: Treat your timeline like your garden.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #251: Aaa bahas mujhe maar.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #252: “My echo chamber is better than yours.”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #253: What we say is freedom of speech but others’ rebuttal is freedom of attack.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #254: Gareebon ka philosopher is not exactly a compliment.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #255: Stronger the initial reaction on social media, the sooner it fizzles out.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #256: Why be politically correct when you can be politically ridiculous?
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #257: Gossiping is not age-restricted to the so-called uncles and aunties here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #258: If it’s on Twitter, it must be true because honesty took birth here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #259: “Hi. It was nice not meeting you.”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #260: You create memes. You don’t become one.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #261: If you are above 20, Twitter isn’t for you.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #262: You can’t tell others how to tweet; it’s not YOUR place to dictate.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #263: You’re just 100 RTs away from turning anything into truth.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #264: “Kisi absolute stranger ne kuch comment mara hai mujh pe, toh sach hi hoga.”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #265: DP pe mat jao, apni akal lagao.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #266: Everybody is a troll here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #267: Too much news is injurious to health.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #268: Our idea of effecting a change is tweeting about it and hoping everything will be magically fine.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #269: Enjoy the circus while it lasts.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #270: We engage with faceless, attention-hungry trolls to feel better about ourselves.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #271: There is no such thing as a wrong battle here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #272: Our timeline is the most fertile ground for fear-mongering.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #273: There’s no coming back from a meme.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #274: Have a bio unless you’re as interesting as Elon Musk.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #275: Twitter’s nickname was, is and will always be Overreaction.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #276: You can only decide your content; you can’t decide the reaction to your content.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #277: Some of the funniest people you know aren’t even on Twitter.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #278: Some of the strongest opinions get wasted on words.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #279: Sooner or later, you’ll feel like you’re in a city ransacked by hopeless romantics.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #280: Truth bombs are basically an extension of common sense.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #281: Don’t mind your own business.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #282: It’s none of your concern who has muted/blocked you. Climate change should be your concern.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #283: If there’s a poll on your timeline, you will vote regardless of your interest in the subject.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #284: You’ll end up exposing that you are an idiot.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #285: People stoop while walking because they carry the burden of knowing everything.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #286: Sab apni apni dukaan chala rahe hai.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #287: Ekam satya vipra bahudha vadanti.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #288: Why make sense when you can make noise?
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #289: Give due where it’s credit.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #290: Keep your spirits high and volume low.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #291: Don’t repeat yourself. Don’t repeat yourself. Don’t repeat yourself.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #292: Disagree but don’t hate.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #293: Yaa toh log maanenge tumhein ya toh log maarenge tumhein.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #294: Never post anything jisse dono sides se gaali pade.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #295: You will never like a Twitter update but you’ll get used to it.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #296: For every article/column you agree/disagree with, there is a contradictory article/column waiting somewhere.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #297: You are forbidden from changing your views — what you posted in 2009 stands true in 2019 too.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #298: You are too old to make new friends.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #299: Hamare bakwas ki baat hi kuch aur hai.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #300: You don’t know what’s going on? You belong here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #301: We put the hate in whatever.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #302: After a while, you stop caring about the typos in your tweets.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #303: Thursday is slower than Monday.
Stop watching.
