Twitter’s Unwritten Rules (97–224)
I’ve been on Twitter for over eight years now. And they said i was commitment-phobic! On a serious note, the reason i could be around for this long must have something to do with the lawlessness of the town. There are no set conditions to be. You can post whatever you wish to and if that’s not awesome enough, you can even choose whichever personality you like. I decided to have no personality. Nobody’s going to force you to do anything against your wish. Of course, there will be moral policing and humour policing from time to time but again, it’s up to you how you respond. I decided to not respond. I’ve stayed indifferent to praise as well as abuse. Like i said, there are no rules in place. So, by the turn of this decade, i decided to post unwritten rules for Twitter. Rules nobody would bother to read, let alone follow, because they aren’t meant to be taken seriously. About 4 years ago, i posted the first 96 of them and today i thought of posting the rest—hitherto, that is — of them.
Please don’t enjoy.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #97: Write down all the unwritten rules.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #98: Don’t take sensible tweets for granted. They are extremely rare.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #99: If you aren’t a bit annoying, you are doing it all wrong.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #100: You can live without your trolls but your trolls can’t live without you.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #101: There’s always space in the timeline for one more lame tweet.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #102: Tweets with typos spread faster than usual.
Twitter’s unwritten Rule #103: Main bhi early morning philosopher.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #104: Not being able to come up with ANYTHING is also a reason strong enough to tweet.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #105: Every little thing happens in the world so that we can crack jokes and trend topics.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #106: Asking yourself “What’s going on here?” every single time you log in to read the timeline.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #107: Your awesome tweets won’t get you laid.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #108: This ain't the most appropriate place to be rational.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #109: If you’re tweeting, you are basically alright.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #110: Put your best face forward.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #111: There’s no need to rectify typos.Tweets aren’t THAT important.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #112: In order to maintain the bubble of epicness, avoid meeting a tweep.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #113: Even if you’re very damn brilliant at writing, you are just another tweep.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #114: In case you have more following than followers, you’re doing math wrong.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #115: Nobody adds ‘online stalker’ to their bio although everybody is.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #116: You’ll be more informed than needed.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #117: Mentions, not tweets, are forever.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #118: Tweeps tend to spend New Year’s Eve on the timeline.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #119: There’s no point in holding a mirror up to narcissists.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #120: It’s never really enough.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #121: Each one of us is a typoist here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #122: Sadness-driven tweets are usually the finest to read.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #123: Typos spread like fire.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #124: Sooner or later, everybody gets overrated. It’s not supernatural.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #125: Anything can trend.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #126: OK. Don’t.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #127: Have pun.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #128: Your trolls are your unpaid PRs.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #129: There’s no dearth of utterly useless topics to argue about.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #130: Every tweet is a silent cry for help.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #131: There’s an invisible “I believe” at the beginning of every statement made on the timeline.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #132: A lame tweet is a lame tweet. It can neither fire nor misfire.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #133: Your older tweets always tend to make more sense.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #134: With time, you learn to smell impending Twitter fights.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #135: None of us here is *quiet* influential.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #136: Life is too short to stay long enough on timeline.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #137: Profound bakwaas always triumphs.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #138: They like/dislike your tweets — not you. And there’s a difference between the two.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #139: After a while, you become a veteran in nonsense.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #140: Absolute strangers will express what you always wanted to but couldn’t find the words.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #141: Having nothing worse to do has hardly anything to do with our presence on the timeline.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #142: Don’t bring your genitals to DM.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #143: “Yeh pehle ho chuka hai.”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #144: Avoid reading between the lines or emoticons.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #145: Each one of us inspire nasty tweets.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #146: What has to go wrong shall miraculously turn into a tweet.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #147: Haven’t got anything significant to write? Tweet.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #148: What the bio doesn’t read — “YOU DON’T KNOW ME? I’m a very popular failed writer.”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #149: You’re not alone when it comes to feeling alone for no reason.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #150: We don’t have a past here but we have old forgotten embarrassing tweets.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #151: 97% of your followers have no interest in your TL convos while the rest happen to be conversing with you.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #152: They hate/resent you but just not enough to click the unfollow button.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #153: Favourites taste sweeter than retweets.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #154: A textual relationship is more likely than a sexual one.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #155: Don’t believe everything they say about you. Good or worse.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #156: The amount of time you waste on Twitter is nothing compared to what you waste on doing nothing!
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #157: Only respond to those who are relevant to your rubbish.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #158: It’s OK.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #159: Those who ask you to deactivate your account shall always be courteous enough to add “Please”.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #160: If you haven’t got anything nice to say, tweet.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #161: Blocking is an act of giving somebody more importance than they deserve.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #162: Ignore whatever has the potential to depress you. The offline world has more than enough of THAT shit.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #163: You don’t spew rubbish about Indian Army. Unlike you, they don’t tweet during working hours.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #164: A true follower is the one who not only blocks you but also takes out time to read your stuff.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #165: We can’t possibly scream louder than our tweets for attention.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #166: The moment you sign up for Twitter, you become a part of show business.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #167: Pretending to be busy on the timeline is the worst type of paradox.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #168: We’d quit Twitter sooner or later — whichever is closer to death.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #169: Your trolls are your unpaid PRs.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #170: Leave no anal thought behind. Tweet.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #171: Nobody’s going to be tried for reason here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #172: Whenever a tweet attracts more comments than stars, an onion sheds a tear somewhere.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #173: Your trolls win the moment you start hating them ’cause the catch here is to stay indifferent no matter what.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #174: We have a moral obligation to tweet even if we don’t have anything new to say.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #175: Deep tweets aren’t appreciated as much as the wide ones.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #176: For every inaction here, there’s an exaggerated amount of reaction.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #177: Readers’ discretion is not advised.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #178: If you REALLY didn’t care, you wouldn’t be here.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #179: Some tweets are so deep that they belong to Mariana Trench.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #180: When you yourself spend hours on the timeline daily, you automatically lose the right to mock others.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #181: Those advising others to not take Twitter seriously are usually the ones who can’t do without Twitter.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #182: Nobody gets a black eye in a Twitter fight and that’s why it’s boring.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #183: It’s safer to not say anything than say something that might hurt.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #184: Everything dies down on Twitter. Give it some time.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #185: Aim for the stars and land among the hearts.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #186: There’s no such a thing as too much chaos.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #187: It’s (minding others’) business as usual.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #188: Only those confident of their looks put up DP. PS. I’m very confident about about how i looked back in ‘08.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #189: Twitter remembers everything.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #190: Those who sermon the virtues of freedom of speech are often the first ones to hit the block button.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #191: You can’t possibly be serious about something you can express within 140 characters.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #192: Until you become REALLY famous, your account works as your parody too.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #193: “I’m not an expert on this topic but being a generous person, i’m contributing my three paise on it.”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #194: Just because you once followed each other doesn’t mean you have to treat each other as exes now.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #195: Adding :P to your tweet doesn’t make it any less rude.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #196: of the jokers, by the jokers, for the jokers
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #197: The conversation fundamentally ends when an emoji is used.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #198: Political tweets can’t afford to have typos.
Twitter’s unwritten Rule #199: Irrespective of the initial criticism, everybody’s going to RT themselves sooner or later for fun or worse.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #200: You’re not alone in assuming that every single subtweet posted out there is about you.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #201: “Let’s not meet and ruin the magic.”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #202: If you read closely, “don’t forget me” is silent in all the tweets.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #203: You’re only as good as your l̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶v̶i̶r̶a̶l̶ ̶t̶w̶e̶e̶t̶ ability to churn out nonsense.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #204: You end up attending way too many funerals of jokes that didn’t deserve to die.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #205: Life sucks and therapy’s expensive.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #206: “Hamara koi mazhab nahi hai, saab. RT hi hamara dharm hai.”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #207: Trolls come and go but only those who don’t even follow you but comment on every single post of yours matter.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #208: Your DP should either make people touch themselves or annoy them tremendously.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #209: Every tweet arrives with a silent prayer “Please RT me mercilessly!” on the timeline.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #210: It’s all downhill once they start adding you to their INSPIRATIONAL lists.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #211: Your real emotions r̶e̶v̶e̶a̶l̶ hide themselves in the tweets you like.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #212: We generally retweet people, not tweets.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #213: A tweep’s ability to rate anything is overrated.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #214: Just because they aren’t on the timeline doesn’t mean they aren’t on Twitter.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #215: Debate ho toh uninformed warna na ho.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #216: “Hum shaane, baaqi sab chutiye.”
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #217: Always expect Rajdeep Sardesai to tweet commonalities between him and a famous personality (dead or alive).
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #218: Virality toh bhagwan ke haathon mein hai.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #219: Once you mute somebody, they are practically dead to you.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #220: We are here because we don’t know the answer yet.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #221: You are whining, not trolling.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #222: If you RT something hard enough, it will miraculously turn into truth.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #223: Aao chalo saath chale ek kadam chutiyaap ki ore.
Twitter’s Unwritten Rule #224: For every inaction, there would be an extreme reaction.
