Why isn’t Galifianakis Galfy yet?
If you haven’t paid attention yet, you must. There are Fibonacci sequences all around you. They intrigue me because, by persuasion, I am always looking for patterns — in impulses and behaviour; in causes and effects; here and there — even where there aren’t any. Yet, almost everything, organic as well as organic, is a part of a greater design. Even in the middle of a chaos, we can observe a sequence of events. Things repeat for a reason. We might take pride in our intellectual superiority but the truth illuminates to show us that all other living beings go through the same ol’ trial-and-error process the way we do. Noticing what’s going on is equally important for all creatures. And therein lies the most enigmatic pattern of all.
Since I mentioned Fibonacci, it must also be highlighted that his single biggest contribution to humankind was introducing the much-fabled Hindu-Arabic numerical system to the West. Prior to that, they were using the Roman numbers and facing roadblocks not just in math but also astronomy. The Eastern method helped change the game for the Europeans. Within the next three centuries, the Whites — for lack of a more unifying term — took mathematics to new heights of exploration. It was the equivalent of unleashing a dormant volcano. Imagine being restricted for an entire millennium before finally finding the necessary outlet in the 12th century. What we call world today owes a lot to this particular paradigm shift. For a civilization that could barely count properly, the last 800 years or so had been nothing but phenomenal. As a sidenote, the Thousand Days’ War lasted 1130 days and Napoleon’s Hundred Days lasted 111 days but I’d blame the European historians here, not their mathematicians.
My body may not be in agreement but I want to live really long. I want to see what happens in the end. That includes cheering India as it tops the Olympics gold medals list and bags the FIFA WC twice in a row. These are just two of the many, many lists that I truly wish to witness. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I feel that these sporting events are still possible. The one thing that I am not sure about happening is seeing an Indian dog going viral on social media. We only get to watch western (read: American) dogs performing heartwarmingly cool stuff and reminding us that cats suck. At what point will we manage to break this hegemony on content? When will the desi dogs get noticed on the timeline? Are they not good enough for the internet? When will this dog racism end?
As I am getting older, I am growing impatient with our species. With the amount of progress we’ve managed thanks to the unholy marriage of science and technology, we should have been doing much better. But, no. If anything, what’s unfolding in the news at a global scale — if you follow current affairs, you’d imagine us stuck inside the pages of a dystopian novel that can’t wait to be completed — is a mere precursor to repetition of the past. All great civilizations and all eras reached their end sooner or later. Perhaps we are dragging ourselves to the finish line in an unspectacular manner, not realizing the gravity of our presence. You and I are a part of the most ambitious piece of history. If you think the Mongols were ambitious, you are giving too much credit to some horse-ridden men. Right now marks the peak of want. Right now also marks the decay (not just decline) of patience.
Men might have discovered fire but women invented love. One thorough look around and you can clearly gauge the difference between the two sexes. Men seem driven by appearance whereas women seem attracted to sentiment. The fact that a given woman is hollow and morally bankrupt doesn’t seem to bother men as long as she is able to cover it up with physical deceptions. On the other hand, the fact that a given man is balding and verbally monstrous doesn’t discourage women from seeking love and comfort from him. One side holds the scepter of lust whereas the other side leans on the pillar of love. Hopeless scenario. Going by these narrow generalizations, maybe love isn’t blind. Women are.
The unemployment rate in India is hovering over 8% while the inflation is almost kissing 7%. Despite these downward trends, India’s economy is growing at a rate faster than that of China. In my defense, I read a lot about economics but I am in no position to drop valuable insights. Which is why I thoroughly enjoy the all-round-experts on Twitter. One morning, they are suggesting how we can save our precious ecology and then by night, they are criticizing policies. Amazing how deftly they move from one topic to another: this is possible because they have nothing to lose. Their collective noise amounts to zero accountability. The only one they are serving with their content is themselves. Ekta jeev sadashiv. That said, those who are running the economy don’t inspire confidence either. When you loosely use phrases like “act of god” during a press briefing on the economy, it’s evident that the captain of this ship can’t see the iceberg. That’s at their level. At my level, I must keep myself entertained with all-round expertise on the timeline.
Before moving to north India, I was slyly part of the “cultured” tribe. Meaning I used to presume that I am more cultured than my northern counterparts. Be it in language, values, traditions or even rituals that I participated in half-heartedly. Maybe this silent superiority complex mushroomed due to unchecked isolation and, of course, ignorance. It was only in recent years, after properly reading about the history of this side of Vindhyas that I started acknowledging nuances. A cultured lot can stay cultured when there are minimal foreign threats. The northern plains underwent centuries of invasions and pillages, leading to cultural decimation as well as fusions that the present lot isn’t responsible for. The struggle to conserve what is left is real though, irrespective of which side of the Vindhyas you are in.
No other tongue has borrowed as heavily as the English language. Wherever the British went and colonized, they cherry-picked words and inducted them into the firangi fold. Which is why we have several Hindi words — loot, thug, dacoit, shampoo, guru, pandit, mantra, etc. — that are in popular usage amongst the English speakers. The slight adjustment being the Western accent changing the pronunciation completely while keeping the meaning intact. Leading to dire consequences for the Americans, mostly. That’s how Iraq becomes iRaq and Iran becomes iRan and Viswanathan (for the sake of convenience, apparently) becomes Vishy. If only Galifianakis could become Galfy.
British empire was the largest ever in recorded history. However, France enjoys the widest range of time zones thanks to colonies spread across the globe. So much so its largest neighbour is Brazil, and not some European country! But what’s more impressive about French imperialism is its language. People who can’t read straightforward words like Shyamalan have no problem whatsoever reading convoluted wrecks like denouement. But then, nobody messes with French. Its speakers go out of their way to accommodate the correct pronunciation. Yet to notice this pattern in any other super-language.
Why are we so fascinated by famous folks, regardless of the timeline? For example, JRD Tata might be dead and gone but you’d still read a book on what his thoughts were or watch a grainy interview of his on YouTube. In the same vein, why do we care how Marlon Brando was in real life or why he avoided interviews so much? Why are we so intrigued by the likes of Leela Naidu and Gayatri Devi? Interestingly, this curiosity isn’t limited to figures belonging to the 20th century. It could be anybody from any period popular enough to flirt with our knowledge. I think the answer lies in what makes us human. We look for familiarity everywhere we go and we seek the same when we are learning the stories of people from the past who overcame obstacles to be registered in the annals of history. In their lives, we seek ours and sometimes, when we are very lucky, we find what we are looking for.
