Why we exist…
I am closer to 32 than Trump is to building that fucking wall. I am off sugar, off tea, off coffee, haven’t popped a painkiller in 48 days, have successfully avoid fizzy (read: pesticidal) beverages too. I was 72 kg when I left Mumbai for Gurgaon in 2015, eventually touching 80 kg. I am at 70.8 right now. I consume rice once or twice a week; only 2 chapatis a day, one for lunch and one for dinner. I’ve been drinking a lot of water for a healthy change. I stopped using pillows in 2016 as a measure to cut down on comfort. Give me a flat surface and I’ll fall asleep. The problem is with sustenance; I can’t sleep for long. To calm my conscience, I’ve reached that stage where I can say I don’t waste food, water or electricity; currently at my lowest carbon footprint ever, and I actively encourage/reprimand others who do. Isn’t longevity the purpose of life? To save something so that it can spread into the future? Strictly materially speaking.
On the spiritual end, I am trying to question everything around me: How ridiculously hollow things are and the role I play in its subsistence. In the meantime, I’ve tried meditation, breathing exercises, long aimless walks, etc. but have arrived at an unexpected conclusion: love.
Yes, the atrocious L-word hijacked by the greatest of poets as well as the unscrupulous hacks!
Love is the answer. It has always been, without any doubt. The reason why this could be true is love remains non-negotiable. I can’t make a deal with somebody on the right amount. It’s either there or it isn’t. You either feel it or you don’t. You can’t pretend otherwise. Although, with the rising corrosion of language, the word gets thrown around a lot senselessly — “Oh, I love your shirt!” — no, you don’t; it’s something you say for the heck of it — it has maintained its graft. That’s the beauty of love. It nourishes you without you even realizing it. Until, of course, it stops.
One more factor about love is its binary hold on your judgment. You can’t entertain hatred while experiencing love. Your body, a vessel entrusted to your mind, can make only one choice. If you choose hatred, it’s alright but it won’t last you long. Everything is 100 times more annoying when you dislike something. What if we try to look at the brighter side of the cookie? Besides, hating expends too much energy whereas loving keeps you supple. Hate provides temporary kicks, love smooths your edge as time weights on you. There is no comparison between the two choices. But only you get to decide for yourself.
Which, again, is a marvelous denouement of being a human. You can start by loving others and then slowly build an infinite capacity to love yourself. Once you do that, there would be no looking back. Not sure how it will help you in terms of metrics but blissfully long, dreamless sleep must be one of the side-effects of love.
Of course, I don’t know that. Yet.
