I announce my resignation as zookeeper

These escaped lions have killed too many people and it’s time I take a stand and quit. I can no longer idly stand by and watch these escaped zoo lions ravage our town and murder these many, many helpless people. In the light of these events, I no longer feel I can be a zookeeper in good conscience. Therefore I will be ending my term as zookeeper in charge of lions at the end of my contract in 2018. Until then I will do my best to speak out against lions escaping and murdering people.

I’ve thought about what this most recent lion escape has wrought. Deaths of 10’s of people in and around where the zoo resides. I know that most of you may look at my history of lion escapes and mistreatment of said lion’s and think I am somehow culpable to these killings. I guess that could be true, but I and my fellow zookeepers, were waiting for the lions to stop murdering on their own. I assumed at any moment they would pivot to being docile and quiet, respect the laws of not murdering that we have created. Yet they just continued on their ravaging path, never pivoting to a more neutral lion position.

Sure, I could have kept better watch over the pen where we kept the lions. Maybe had I closed the door behind me when I entered their enclosure they wouldn’t have escaped. Maybe then we could have prevented some of the many, many murders that the escaped lions have caused. I guess that is a possible solution, but I feel that now, with all that is happening, is not the time to point the fingers at what I could have done, but to rather get to the root of the problem. The wild, untamed lions that have been savaging the civilians of this great city. Myself, and many of my fellow zookeepers, hardly recognize the lions that are now freely roaming our streets and thoughtlessly murdering our neighbors. We are astonished that after years of mistreatment and loose rules around care and guard, they would all of a sudden now choose to bound through our streets murdering people.

Was it smart of me to taunt the lions with humanoid dummies, throwing rocks at them and yelling “WHY DON’T YOU JUST COME MURDER ME YOU BIG DUMB CAT?” Possibly not, but again I don’t see how revisiting past actions will solve our current problem of many feral, angry lions roaming our streets with bloody mouths and the glint of murder in their eyes. Now we must band together. I am calling on my fellow zookeepers to come together and revisit our core tenants, which I believe has something to do with not allowing animals to freely roam our towns, and instead keep them happy and taken care of in a zoo.

Did I, just this morning, drive a truck full of hungry lions to the middle of a park and let them out? Sure, it may look that way, but in this moment, right now, as I deliver this heartfelt speech to you, know that I would rather we talk about how those lions then murdered people and not any of the problems my misdeeds enabled. Was I to know they would murder the people? I thought that this may finally be the moment they choose to join the rest of the zoo animals that historically have murdered very few people. Sure I could have done something to keep those lions from killing and eating people. Maybe I could have chosen to keep them in their enclosures and feed them properly. Maybe I could right now, instead of giving this speech, go around fighting against these lions, gathering them up and returning them to the zoo. But I ask this question! If I were to go about doing what some may call my job, and prevent these horrible acts, how would you, the people, know that I, master zookeeper, have these sudden feelings about having lions NOT kill people? This is the only way for you to understand that my words, not my actions, tell the truth of my soul.

I’d like to close out with this quote from Abraham Lincoln.

“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature. Also, don’t blame lion killings on zookeepers. Blame the lions. Always remember, blame the lions.”

Thank you for your time.

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