How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work? Here Are Some Tips.
Aren’t long-distance relationships the absolute worst?
What do anchovies on pizza, any Michael Bay movie, and long-distance relationships all have in common? They all suck ass, and dating long-distance is by far the shittiest of them all.
I’ve endured three long-distance relationships in my life. Two ended in breakups and the other, thankfully, turned out to be my fiancé. I’m no expert on relationships. I’ve just been through the emotional rollercoaster of trying to make a long-distance relationship work.
SPOILER: It’s never easy.
There are no unicorns and rainbows when you’re miles apart from the person you care about the most. According to a study, roughly 60% of relationships survive long-distance. I can personally attest to the accuracy of that statistic. Dating long-distance is fucking hard. It requires a lot of work, patience, and blind faith from both sides.
Here are a few of my insights to hopefully keep your relationship intact and your love thriving. If you come out the other side together, firstly, congrats! Secondly, there’s nothing the two of you can’t handle from here on out.
Do You Love the Other Person Enough?
I met my ex-girlfriend in college. She’s from Hawaii like I was, lived in the same dorm and on the same floor. Looking back, we hooked up out of sheer convenience.
She did a semester abroad in Hong Kong, and we decided to try long-distance. That was a mistake. I realized, within the first couple of months, we didn’t have a strong connection. At least on my end, I stayed in the relationship because I was scared of the single life.
Although the relationship ended in a breakup, I learned you need to be head over heels for the other person. Remember, you’re essentially living separate lives. You both have your own social life, have different schedules, and separate daily routines.
If you’re on the fence with your feelings, it’s best to nip the relationship in the bud before considering long-distance. Assessing how you truly feel isn’t an easy process, but it’s necessary for saving you both from eventual heartache.
Avoid Excessive Video Chatting
I taught English in China almost nine years ago. Before moving abroad, my girlfriend (now fiancé) and I started a new relationship. We were a young couple in love and Skyped every day for hours. I don’t recommend doing this.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Chatting every day for hours on end, you do run out of stuff to talk about. Keep your conversations fresh. Schedule a maximum of two or three days per week where you Skype, Facetime, or Zoom each other.
Sending each other sweet texts and emails on the off days is fine. However, save the juicy stuff for your scheduled chats. This allows your relationship to breathe and gives you time to miss each other.
Know Each Other’s Schedule
The time difference alone can be a burden on any long-distance relationship. That’s why knowing your partner’s schedule is vital, especially across multiple time zones.
My fiancé and I dealt with an 18-hour time difference between me in Hangzhou, China, and her living in Hawaii. Every week, I sent her my teaching schedule, and she sent me her work schedule.
We both made sacrifices to talk to each other — staying up late or waking up super early. Somehow we made it work, though.
Another added benefit of knowing one another’s schedule is it curbs frustration. You have a handle on when’s a good time to call or text. You don’t go insane, pulling your hair out if the other person doesn’t respond immediately.
Communication Is Key
Good communication doesn’t mean knowing what your partner is up to every waking second. Good communication should be simple.
For instance, we made it a point for my fiancé and me to message each other “good morning” and “good night” every day. I always appreciated receiving those texts because, no matter how hectic the day was, there’s comfort in knowing we’re still thinking about each other.
Also, be straightforward. If you’re going out and having a couple of drinks with friends, let your partner know. Why keep them in the dark and add unnecessary stress to your lives? If they’re not cool with you having a social life outside of the relationship, this is a much larger issue you need to address.
Do Activities Together
Once you’ve been doing the whole long-distance thing for a while, it’s difficult to conjure up new topics of conversation. Trust me; I’ve been there.
A brilliant alternative is to do other activities (in addition to the sexual stuff). You could do a “Netflix and chill” night where you both watch a movie together. Here’s an app that synchronizes video playback and adds a group chat element to whichever streaming service you use. This piece of technology is tailormade for long-distance couples.
You could also Facetime each other on long walks or have a meal together. Whatever you do, the whole point is to be creative. You’re a couple, and couples do couply things. Yes, you’d much rather be there together in the flesh, but you have to make do with what you got.
Don’t Put Your Entire Life on Hold
My first long-distance relationship was from high school into college. She attended an east coast university, and I was on the west coast. Thus, in my freshman year, I didn’t do much outside of going to class, eating, and talking on the phone with her.
When our relationship fell apart and broke up at the beginning of my sophomore year, I was devastated. Additionally, I felt alone because I neglected to make any new friends my first year. I had to put myself out there again.
If you’re in a long-distance relationship, don’t be an idiot like I was. Live your life: Have hobbies, go out with friends, and be social. Don’t push everything aside just because your person is miles away.
By not putting your life on hold, you’ll not only have more interesting topics of conversation to share with your partner, but heaven forbid, if you do break up, you’ll have other people to rely on.
Trust Is Everything
I don’t care if you practice all the tips I’ve already outlined in this post — without complete trust, it doesn’t mean shit.
I’ve torpedoed past long-distance relationships because I was young, immature, and didn’t fully trust the other person. I’d often drive myself to the brink of insanity.
Why isn’t she calling me back?
What could she be doing?
She’s probably cheating on me with some better-looking dude.
You never want to be in that negative headspace.
A long-distance relationship lacking trust is similar to depriving a plant of sunlight. It doesn’t matter if you use the best soil and water it regularly; a plant still requires sunlight to thrive.
Give your relationship the same treatment by not stifling it. I know this is easier said than done, but let go of your need to know what your partner is up to 24–7. Let go of your constant worry of being cheated on. Let go of your fear of breaking up.
You can only control your emotions and whatever happens, happens. Don’t be your own worst enemy.
Final Thoughts
Long-distance relationships are a bitch. They’re never fun. However, being physically apart from someone can teach you whether or not you’re meant to be. If you both have clear expectations, are creative with how you communicate, and truly love and care for each other, I guarantee you’ll know in the end that they’re the one for you.
I wish you the very best on your journey.
